


Chasing Stars

by altereliott



Category: SKAM (France)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, M/M, Soulmate AU, also it will have eliott's pov, elu - Freeform, this is gonna be a wild ride my friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-03-10 01:41:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 48,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18928738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altereliott/pseuds/altereliott
Summary: In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.Something. Or someone.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s been 6960 days since he last saw Lucas.

19 years and 35 days.

An eternity for some people. Nearly two decades.

But not for Eliott. For Eliott, it could have been two eternities or only some minutes. Time started to work differently for him.

All he wanted was to die when he lost him all those years ago. All he wanted was to bury himself alive or disappear into the deepest deep of hell where he belonged after all of that happened. There hasn’t been a day where stopped reproaching him for what happened and how he simple could have let it happen.

_I could have saved him._

Eliott was doing his daily walk through the city when the thoughts of it all occupied him again, looking around with curiosity and trying to distract himself through that. Things changed when you were immortal, things changed a lot. And Eliott learned to see every little change, no matter if it was a new bench on the side of the street or a new person working in his favorite coffee shop. When you already lived for countless years, some tiny and minor changes could lift up your whole year.

He was tucking his hands in the pockets of his a caramel brown jacket, the hood of his hoodie hiding his messy hair and his flushed cheeks. The cold morning air felt good on his face and when he walked past the bus station, something inside him twisted, memories of forgotten times surfacing again.

There was never a minute where he didn’t think about him. Everything reminded Eliott of him, a stupid bus station making him shiver with longing.

_But he’s gone and that’s your fault._

Eliott was rounding a corner now,  slowly coming to a stop when he reached the college he was currently attending. Leaning against a brick wall, he was watching the students coming out of the college, chatting about their last lecture or the homework they had. He already studied a lot in his life and he didn’t need it to survive. But it would be too obvious for a boy who looked 20 years old to not do… anything. And in this way, he had a task. Something to do. A reason to stand up in the morning and not to stay in bed all day, thinking and thinking and thinking.

And suddenly, while standing at the corner and watching the students spill out of the college, Eliott’s world stopped spinning.

_Oh my…_

Time lost its meaning as he watched someone coming out of that building and his heart was surely not beating at all or currently jumping out of his chest, Eliott didn’t know and he didn’t care. Eliott blinked rapidly, trying to calm down. But there was no calming down – not now and not ever if this what he just saw was true.

 _This is not real. This is a dream. This is_ not _real._

“Hey, Lucas. There you are”, said a boy with blonde hair and glasses, greeting the other boy with a handshake.

Eliott had heard this name so often when he was in public, swirling around at the sound of it, his heart beating too fast. The disappointment then was even worse than the possibility to see him again.

But this time, no disappointment crushed Eliott like a giant wave.

This time, his heart kept beating faster and faster and Eliott had the feeling to faint.

His whole world suddenly was colorful again and it seemed like everything had a meaning again. Since he was gone, everything seemed dull to Eliott, he seemed numb to so many things he usually enjoyed or loved, forgetting how to be truly happy. It seemed like he took all the light and hope from Eliott with him.

And now he was standing there, only a few meters away from him.

Eliott needed to steady himself with one arm on the wall next to him.

This was Lucas.

His Lucas.

_I missed you so much._

And he looked as beautiful and cute and hot as ever. He didn’t look like he died in Eliott’s arms.

Eliott felt his feet moving towards Lucas on their own accord, his arms wanting to close around the other smaller boy and to hold him as tightly as he could, never ever letting go of him. But he couldn’t do that. Because Lucas didn’t know who Eliott was. Because Lucas died and was reincarnated, like so many other people on this planet were too. Eliott often saw the same faces again after several years passed, the others not knowing Eliott or anything else about their former life.

There was no system who was reincarnated and who was not. It seemed kind of random but Eliott knew that everyone who was reincarnated had a reason why fate choose to give them another life.

When someone was reincarnated, their other life was erased – every memory connected to them disappeared from the minds of the people they knew, who were their family or their friends. People usually were reincarnated with their same body and their same name because of this. Their former life, their former self just didn’t… exist anymore. Like it never was there in the first place.

But there were expectations. There were people who don’t apply to that rule. People who didn’t forget about the reincarnated people.

And Eliott, being immortal, was one of those people.

Eliott was pinching himself in his arm now, afraid that Lucas was some kind of hallucination. That the long time Eliott looked for his boy in the crowds of people, trying to find a short boy with brownish, messy hair, were starting to get on his nerves and his mind. That fate started to play a game with him, punishing him for all the mistakes he already did in his immortal life. But when Eliott opened his eyes again, Lucas was still standing there, now laughing at a joke one of the boys in their group made and Eliott’s whole world seemed to light up as he saw the other boy laughing.

_He is real. He is back. I have another chance._

Eliott swore Lucas that he would never forget him. And he didn’t. And Eliott had been praying to some kind of higher force that Lucas would be reincarnated. And now his wish came true.

And Lucas knew nothing about Eliott at all.

But Eliott would change that, if Lucas would let him. He had the feeling that their love was one of the reasons why Lucas was being reincarnated. Their love being so strong that it could even beat death and everything else.

And this time, things would end differently. Eliott would make sure of that.

Eliott smiled slightly. This was real. This was not some kind of weird dream.

It’s been one minute since he last saw Lucas. Lucas Lallemant, the love of his life.

* * *

In Lucas’ world, reincarnation was common and expected. Everyone knew about the possibility of reincarnation. No one asked why, no one cared about how often they were already reincarnated. No one had any memories from their past life.

No one except Lucas.

Lucas just _knew_ that he was reincarnated. He didn’t have any proof, he just felt it. He felt it in the way his dreams were so vivid and lively that they couldn’t be just only dreams. He felt it in the way his mind recognized certain places he never saw before in this life. And he felt it in the way of this strange _pull_ which seemed to say: _Come. Find me._

There was a reason he was being reincarnated and he needed to find out what this reason was.

Lucas was absent with his thoughts while Yann and Basile talked, Arthur adding some stuff to their discussion. They always said that Lucas was a dreamer, constantly in thoughts and captured by little things. And maybe this was true. He never talked about his possible former life with his friends and as much as Lucas loved them, he just knew that they wouldn’t understand it. The whole society knew that there was a possibility of reincarnation and often it was guessed what their former life was about, especially in the young generation of Lucas. But no one really _knew_ of their reincarnation. Not like Lucas knew it.

So he kept his feelings to himself, often being occupied by thoughts so that it looked like Lucas was dreaming about some boy he saw in the hallway of their college, his friends tending to mock him about it.

A loud noise came from the door of the college being thrown against the wall behind it and Lucas jumped, panic raising inside of him, his breathing quickening rapidly and the stream of thoughts forgotten.

“Hey bud… Are you okay?”, asked Yann as he saw how panicked his best friend was. Yann always knew when something was wrong. Lucas just nodded and took a deep breath.

“I just…”

He was not sure what this all was about. He was not sure why he always jumped at loud noises, why he seemed to hate everything connected to an explosive sound. His friends looked at him, Arthur biting his lip slightly before speaking.

“Have you ever thought about the possibility that your phonophobia comes from your possible former life?”

Everyone was staring at Arthur now, especially Lucas whose heart was now racing.

_He can’t know about it._

“What the fuck are you talking about?”, asked Lucas while huffing a laugh. But inside, Lucas was actually dead serious.

“I’ve heard that our phobias come from the way we died in our former life”, answered Arthur and shrugged as if he just hadn’t told them something bigger than they could ever imagine. Basile was staring at him, his mouth slightly open.

“This is absolutely crazy”, he whispered quietly as if they are sharing a big secret, “Crazy in a cool way.”

Lucas was turning his head in Basile’s direction and Yann was dramatically slamming his face in his hand.

“Only you can think of something as ‘cool’ which is connected to dying and phobias”, said Yann muffled through the hand on his face and Lucas couldn’t help but smile.

“This is bullshit, Arthur”, said Lucas quickly before Basile could protest to the things Yann said, “I mean, why should this be connected to my possible former life? How did I die, then? Through a fucking door which was slammed against a wall and I was standing behind that door or what?”

“You would have died as a sandwich between a wall and a door.”

Everyone was staring at Basile again, a look of pure confusion on their faces and Lucas asked himself for the thousandth time if Basile even had a brain or any braincell at all.

“Basile, what the actually fuck”, whispered Yann unbelievable and everyone erupted into laughter. His friends made it again – they freed Lucas from his dark and deep thoughts.

“Okay, now I’m hungry. What about some sandwiches at mine?”, suggested Arthur and this plan was greeted with a please nodding.

“But we won’t eat Lucas, the sandwich between wall and door, right?”

“Shut up, Basile”, said Lucas, Yann and Arthur in a choir before the boys started to walk to Arthur’ house, laughing all the way.

Lucas was on the back of that group, smiling and listening to their conversation, when he suddenly felt a gaze on his back. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. His eyes immediately found the pair of eyes which were staring at him and Lucas went hot and cold in the span of mere seconds.

The boy was beautiful.

 _Really_ beautiful.

He couldn’t see his eyes which were hidden under his hood but he knew that they must be breathtaking. Lucas was instantly taking a step in the direction of that stranger staring at him, but with the next blink, he was gone. Lucas stopped and looked around, searching for any sign of that stranger.

_Did I only imagine him or…_

“Lucas?”

“Coming.”

Lucas looked over his shoulder, seeing his friends waiting for him and he looked back to the place where the stranger disappeared as fast as he appeared.

Maybe Lucas really only imagined him.

But why could he still feel his heart racing?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.  
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.  
> Something. Or someone.

 “Idriss!”

Eliott nearly stumbled over his own feet as he entered the flat he shared with his best friend. His eyes were literally shining brighter than the sun, his heartbeat still so rapid as if he would see Lucas again and again and again after all these years.

“Putain, Eliott. Have you seen a ghost or why are you running around, screaming like a little boy?”

Idriss came around the corner, drying his hands with a towel. He was probably washing the dishes right now but Eliott didn’t care. He only wanted to tell his best friend about what just happened.

“At first I also thought it was a ghost. But then the ghost laughed.”

Idriss’ towel fell from his hand and his jaw dropped.

He knew.

“No way”, his best friend breathed and came towards Eliott, holding his best friend who was literally bouncing on his feet on the shoulders to still his nervous movements. And Eliott looked into Idriss’ eyes, tears filling his own because he was just so utterly happy that the day he so badly awaited was finally here.

“He is here, Idriss”, whispered Eliott quietly, “Lucas is back.”

It felt so good to speak out his name again. He didn’t dare to talk about him with Idriss all these years because it would always remind him of the biggest mistake of his immortal life. But now he got a second chance. Some higher force decided that it was right to send Lucas back, to reincarnate him and give Eliott another chance.

And he wouldn’t do the same mistake again.

“Are you really sure that it is him?”, asked Idriss now, raising his eyebrows at Eliott. Idriss was a few years older than Eliott and he also sometimes acted like that. Well, Eliott didn’t really know how old Idriss _actually_ was.

Because he was also immortal.

The flat sharing with a mortal person who didn’t know about Eliott’s immortality would also be _kind of_ difficult. And because of this, he was even more happy that he found Idriss all these years ago.

“Of course I am sure that it is him”, said Eliott with a protested voice, slightly tearing himself away from Idriss’ tight grip, “I would recognize him everywhere.”

“I know that, Eliott. But our mind can always play us some sort of tricks. And maybe it’s not Lucas after all but someone who looks similar to him.”

“Idriss, I heard his voice. I saw him laughing with his friends. 19 years passed, I know. And memories can fade away. But not this memory. Not the memory from him.”

Eliott raised his chin in a defensive manner.

“I swore that I will never forget him and that I will find him again. And now I did.”

Idriss sighed deeply and leaned himself against the wall.

“Okay, let’s just assume that this really is _your_ Lucas—”

“We don’t assume it, it’s the truth.”

“Stop interrupting me, Eliott.”

“Then stop spilling bullshit.”

Eliott crossed his arms and challenged Idriss to continue talking with this gaze. Idriss took another deep breath and tried to stay calm.

“If this really is Lucas, have you thought about the possibility that he… well, maybe doesn’t fall in love with you in this life?”

Eliott’s arms fell to the side and the light in his eyes left.

No, Eliott hadn’t thought about this possibility.

And the words from Idriss, the _truth_ was some kind of punch in his gut.

“Eliott…”

Idriss must have realized what these words just did to Eliott because he was approaching the other boy carefully, laying a hand on Eliott’s shoulder.

“I know that you’re excited about seeing him again. I know that you still love him, maybe even more now. But… but maybe this is not the course of Lucas’ life anymore”, said Idriss carefully while watching Eliott and his reaction.

Eliott was standing quietly in front of Idriss for some seconds, staring at the opposite wall. But then his gaze was landing on Idriss and he took a step back, out of Idriss’ reach.

“There was a reason for his reincarnation. And the reason was love. Our love.”

“Doesn’t this sound a little selfish? That he is only reincarnated because of you…?”

Eliott had enough.

He stormed past Idriss but he was too slow, Idriss grabbing his arm before Eliott could escape him and his stupid bullshit.

“You know _nothing_ about mine and Lucas’ love and how strong it is. I’m not _obsessed_ with Lucas or anything like this, this is not about me being selfish.”, spat Eliott with tears in his eyes, “This is about a second chance. For me and for Lucas. I would have gladly died for Lucas in the first place, reincarnation or not. I just… want him to be happy.”

Eliott couldn’t blame Idriss, he never had a love that strong that could beat time and space and even death. But Eliott just knew that Lucas and he were meant to be that, that Lucas’ new life was also connected to him.

“That is true”, said Idriss calm and looked at Eliott, “I know nothing about you and Lucas. But you cannot force Lucas to be with you.”

Eliott took a deep breath and closed his eyes, one tear rolling down his cheek. He had to stop thinking that everything was going to be like their former time. Lucas was not the old Lucas, his previous life didn’t matter anymore, maybe he was not even gay at all. Eliott was mostly so angry because Idriss was right.

“I just missed him so fucking much. And the possibility to hold him into my arms again or just talk with him and see his smile…”

“I know, Eli. I know.”

And with that, Idriss just pulled Eliott into a hug and Eliott was grateful that his friend didn’t send him to the moon long ago.

“And maybe Lucas’ reincarnation really is a second chance for you two. I just… wanted to warn you, okay? To not take any wrong steps you might regret.”

“I would never harm Lucas in any way. And if he doesn’t want to be with me… Then so be it”, Eliott said quietly, something like defense in his voice.

Idriss pulled away and looked at Eliott, now a tiny smile on his lips.

“But this doesn’t mean that you cannot try to win him back”, said Idriss and winked at Eliott who now also smiled again, wiping away the tear on his cheek.

“And who says no to Eliott Demaury, crush of the whole college?”

“Oh, shut up, Idriss”, said Eliott with a snort and punched Idriss playfully in the shoulder.

* * *

Eliott was falling down on his bed the second he arrived in his room.

His room, which was full of memories about Lucas and their time together.

Eliott often was afraid to close his eyes on some days, the picture of Lucas slowly dying in his arms haunting him day and night. Maybe this was also the reason why he needed to be with Lucas: To prove himself that he can do better, that he can protect the people he loved. He got another chance to do everything right and he would do anything to win Lucas for himself.

If Lucas would let him.

Eliott pulled out his phone and opened Instagram, his fingers slightly shaking while hovering over the keyboard. Lucas had posted a lot on his Instagram account back then, a lot about Eliott in general. But his Instagram account disappeared when he died and was chosen for reincarnation, like everything did connected to him and his former life.

_lucallement_

Eliott finally entered the name which was really present to him, which he searched for at least once a month in the first time after his death but hadn’t done so for the last years.

He took a deep breath before pressing _enter_.

And he exhaled when he found a profile.

_His_ profile.

Eliott started to smile, his heart nearly beating painfully in his chest.

There were pictures from his friends and from the nature, from some dumb memes. And from himself.

Eliott opened one of these pictures, showing his friends and him in the middle, smiling directly into the camera.

Eliott zoomed into the photo, taking in the face of the boy he fell in love with so many years ago. He missed him so much.

He missed Lucas so much that it sometimes hurt.

And now he was back.

And Eliott was scared.

Idriss was right with what he said: Lucas was the one who had to decide if he would fall for Eliott or not.

And Eliott made a decision in this very moment.

He decided for himself that their past life didn’t matter anymore. It was gone, another lifetime. He had to live in the here and now and if he hadn’t known Lucas at all, the small boy would have caught his attention on the hallway of the college nevertheless. He had a weakness for smaller boys with messy hair and blue eyes.

Eliott would just get to know Lucas again. The _new_ Lucas. Trying to win the other boy for himself like he did all those years ago.

This was a new start.

A new beginning.

And Eliott was scared. But he was also excited what this new chapter would bring.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooooooooooo Idriss and Eliott's friendship? I'm here for it
> 
> and since I won't update for the rest of the week: enjoy this short friendship chapter with Eliott being all excited and happy


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.  
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.  
> Something. Or someone.

Lucas liked it to be a student.

Often, his friends told him that college sucked and that they only were still there because of all the parties.

But Lucas really enjoyed it.

He enjoyed it to be in this beautiful, old building every day. He enjoyed it to learn new things about media, his major, and gender studies, his minor. Ever since he figured out that he was gay, he was even more interested in the history and the structures of gender, wanting to learn more about himself through this also.

And he enjoyed it because it was an escape from his “real” life where his father was a famous politician.

An escape into normality.

Lucas followed his friends into the cafeteria, holding his backpack on his shoulders and laughing with Basile who said something dumb again.

“I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been to a party for a long time”, said Basile and rubbed his hands against each other like he couldn’t hide the anticipation of the next upcoming party.

“Basile, there had just been one two days ago”, said Yann while all of them were sitting down, their plates with some strange-looking food in front of them.

“As I said: long time ago.”

Lucas laughed and shook his head.

“You’re really only here to find some girls you can hook up with, huh?”

“Not everyone is lucky enough to be gay, being surrounded by girls who think of this as ‘cute’”, said Basile now and threw his hands in the air, “I wish I was gay too.” Basile sighed dramatically while shaking his head. Yann only laughed and looked at Lucas who was biting back a retort.

“By the way: There is a party tomorrow.”

Everyone looked at Arthur now, Basile raising his eyebrows in confusion.

“And you only tell us about this now?”, he asked with played shock in his voice.

Arthur only shrugged and grinned.

“Surprise, I guess.”

“We’re all going, right? Who’s gonna get the weed? It’s Lucas’ turn, isn’t it?”

Lucas was about to eat something from his burger as he heard this and shook his head immediately.

“No way, guys. You know how all of this ended the other time when my dad heard about this. And if you want to get invited to the next party, you have to do this on your own.”

Basile groaned and laid his head back.

“This is the worst threat I’ve ever heard. But I don’t want to take any risks. Your parties are the best in town.”

“The parties from my dad. Not mine”, corrected Lucas and took a bite from his burger now. This was the only advantage of his “exclusive” life – he could take his best friends to any party and have fun with them on there. This was also the only reason he attended feasts like that after all.

“From you, from your dad, it doesn’t matter”, said Yann now and laid an arm around Lucas playfully, “We are glad that your dad still allows us to be there after everything we’ve already done.”

Lucas laughed and rolled his eyes, remembering all the shattered glasses and the “accidents” from the past parties. His mother liked this friends a lot, he was glad that Lucas found some “normal” friends who took him the way he was without seeing his fame. But his father was always on the edge of annoyance when he saw Basile, Arthur and Yann joining the party. But as long as his mother lived with them, Lucas would always be allowed to bring his friends and have fun with them on the otherwise very dull and boring parties.

“True story, I’m surprised that he didn’t already forbid me to be friends with you.”

Everyone laughed but suddenly, the mood in the cafeteria changed rapidly. The voices went quiet, only hushed whispers filled the tension-filled air. Lucas frowned and looked around, trying the find the source for this abrupt change in this room.

“Oh, look, who’s here again”, said Arthur quietly and leaned forward, pointing with his head to the entrance of the cafeteria where everyone seemed to have their gazes on. Lucas was still frowning as he turned around.

And suddenly, he understood why everyone was staring.

The man who just entered the room was the most attractive guy Lucas ever laid eyes on.

And he already saw _a lot_ of guys in his life.

He was tall and dressed all in black except for his caramel brown bomber jacket. His hair was messy, hiding the color of his eyes. There was a little smirk on his face as he talked with another tall guy next to him, holding the tray with food in front of him.

Lucas leaned over to Yann, whispering a quiet “Who’s that?” without taking his eyes from the stranger who seemed to capture him by only fucking existing.

And who actually didn’t seem like a stranger to him at all.

The way he walked, the way he tilted his head while listening to someone…

Suddenly, Lucas seemed to zoom out.

* * *

 

_Lucas always knew from the way he walked that it was him._

_And he loved it._

_He loved to know that this was his boyfriend, coming towards him, whenever Lucas waited for him. His footing was sure and yet light and whenever Lucas was talking, the other boy leaned down to him, looking into his eyes, or better, straight into his soul, as if not wanting to miss any word Lucas had to say._

_Lucas was ranting about some film project he was currently doing in his course, passionately gesticulating while explaining the other boy the concept of it all. Lucas halted in his speech, as he realized that the taller boy had been leaning down the whole time since he started talking._

_“You don’t always need to lean down to me, this always reminds me of how tall you are and how small I am”, said Lucas while laughing quietly, taking the hand from his way taller boyfriend._

_The other one only smirked._

_“I love it when you talk about the things that you love and I don’t want to miss a single thing about it.”_

* * *

Lucas gasped, grabbing Yann’s arm who apparently said something. But Lucas didn’t listen to him. It was like time stopped, pictures playing in his head, a situation which never happened in his life.

Not in _this_ life at least.

“Lucas? Are you okay?”

Lucas couldn’t answer because he just didn’t _know_ if he was okay. This was the first time something like this happened. It was like a vision, like a… _flashback_. And all of, that because of the guy who just entered the cafeteria, catching everyone’s attention, including Lucas’ own.

“Who’s that?”, asked Lucas again, his eyes slightly widened while breathing faster. The other boys were watching him curiously.

“I know that look, Lucas”, said Yann now, grabbing his arm harder so Lucas would turn around to him.

“This is Eliott. Eliott Demaury”, started Yann, as Lucas finally turned around to him and concentrated on his best friend.

_Eliott. What a beautiful name for a beautiful boy._

Lucas nearly wrinkled his nose at this cheesy thought.

 “At least half of the college wants to hook up with him. And you, Lucas, should stay away from him”, said Yann with a warning tone in his voice. He was poking Lucas’ chest by now. Yann was always a little protective over Lucas, who was two years younger than him. He was not his best friend, he was more like an older brother and most of the times, Lucas was thankful for Yann caring so much. But you had to experience some things for yourself without any protection.

 “Why should I stay away from him? Did he murder someone?”, asked Lucas with a slightly amused voice. Yann rolled his eyes, signaling Lucas that he acted like a child again. But Lucas was not master of his own reactions, his own senses anymore. The guy in his vision looked painfully similar to Eliott who was now sitting down at the end of the room with his friends.

And Lucas didn’t know what this meant.

He was not sure if he even wanted to know what this meant.

“Maybe he murdered someone, no one knows.” This was Basile, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “But he is a mystery. Nobody knows something about Eliott Demaury, no one knows how long he already visits this college and no one knows anything about his past.”

“He is kind of creppy”, added Arthur.

“He’s only creepy to you because he’s not an open book, spilling everything about him the first time you meet him”, murmured Lucas now, more to himself than to anyone else.

Lucas looked back to Eliott now, the voice of Basile and the others fading away into the background. As Eliott laughed at something his friend just said, a smile formed on Lucas’ lips too. His laughter and his smile were contagious and Lucas could understand every single soul in this room who looked at him like he was something like a god.

“Lucas? Did you even listened to one word we’ve said?”, asked Arthur now, waving a hand in front of Lucas’ eyes.

But Lucas couldn’t answer just now, his gaze still on the so called ‘mysterious guy’. He couldn’t deny the feeling that he seemed to know him from somewhere, the boy in his vision looking so much like him that it was unbelievable. He was sure that he hadn’t met him before, he would never forget a face like this. And yet…

The girls in the cafeteria were whispering about him, giggling as he looked their way. The boys were throwing admiring glances at him, wanting to have some of his mysterious attitude for their own. He surely wasn’t gay, with this look, he couldn’t be. And if so, this man would not be interested in someone as unimpressive as Lucas.

But suddenly, Eliott lifted his head and looked straight into Lucas’ eyes. Lucas breath caught in his throat for a moment, his heart racing and beating frantically against his rips. He couldn’t make out the color of his eyes from where he was sitting, but he would go for a grey-blue, his favorite combination. Lucas was caught in the other boy’s gaze, not being able to answer to his friends who kept asking him something, Yann even started to shake him by his shoulders.

Lucas’ hand automatically wandered to a place on his chest as Eliott kept looking at him, slightly rubbing it like he so often did, not even being aware of it.

And suddenly, Eliott smirked at him.

“Lucas?”

And Lucas…

Lucas smirked back, a smile forming onto his lips which reached his eyes, making them sparkle.

They said he was a mystery?

Well.

“I like mysteries”, was everything that Lucas said while smirking at the other Boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which lucas finally sees the love of his life


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.  
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.  
> Something. Or someone.

The music was too loud, the air too hot and Lucas had already enough of this party.

His friends and Lucas himself arrived merely one hour ago and things escalated _very_ quickly. Basile was already drunk when he came, Yann had two girls in his arms, flirting shamelessly and Arthur was no where to be seen. Lucas actually didn’t want to know where he was.

He loved it to dance, to lose himself in the music and to feel the beat in his bones.

But this party was about drinking, hooking up, and forgetting about all the problems in life.

Lucas was currently in the kitchen, leaning against a counter, his third beer in his hand. He already was a little bit tipsy. Maybe drinking would help him to loosen up a little bit, to let himself go and dance with the pretty boy who’s been eyeing him the whole time since he arrived. But Lucas was not in the mood to hook up with him.

He still thought about Eliott Demaury.

He would lie if he would claim that he hadn’t been secretly looking for the mysterious boy in the crowd of moving bodies. Eliott apparently didn’t left his mind since Lucas first saw him yesterday alongside with this strange _vision_ he had. Something like this hasn’t happened since and Lucas was not sure if he was ready for another one of these flashbacks.

Because he was sure by now that it was a flashback now.

But not from this life.

Suddenly, someone was approaching him and everything Lucas right now wanted was to be alone with his beer, a good joint and some music he liked. So he sneaked out onto the balcony attached to the kitchen, drowning out the noises and the music by closing the door behind him. Lucas took a deep breath and since his friends weren’t here, he just lit the joint Arthur gave him for all of them, taking a deep drag and smiling at how his senses slowly blurred together.

Lucas took out his phone, leaned against the parapet and started to play his own music on his phone.

_Can… anybody_

_find me_

_somebody to…_

_love._

Lucas smiled as he heard the song. Queen was his favorite band since he could think. The first time he heard this song, he immediately felt some kind of passion, some kind of connection to it and it hasn’t been different since. Lucas closed his eyes and swayed to the music, mouthing along the lyrics while taking one drag after another from the joint and one sip after another from the bottle in his hand.

“Good music taste.”

Lucas swirled around as someone suddenly spoke behind him, swaying a bit on his feet after the fifth bottle of beer. Lucas was kind of drunk but as he saw the boy in front of him, he sobered up a tiny bit immediately.

Eliott Demaury in person was standing in front of him, his hands lazily in his pockets, his head tilted to one side.

_Fuck, this boy is beautiful._

“I didn’t want to scare you, sorry”, said Eliott now with a warm and soft voice.

Lucas shivered.

“You didn’t. I was just…”

“Escaping from the crowd and the bad music in there?”

Lucas smirked a bit and looked up to the taller boy who was now standing next to him, looking out over the city.

“Yes, pretty accurate.”

“Relatable. Queen is much more better.”

Lucas’ eyes lit up immediately.

“You like Queen? It’s my favorite band.”

“I know”, said Eliot and looked over to him, directly into his eyes and Lucas suddenly had some problems breathing properly. Then his brain finally realized, what Eliott just said.

“How do you know this?”

Lucas frowned a bit while some kind of panic was shown on the other boy’s face. It disappeared after some milliseconds, leaving Lucas wondering if he saw this emotion after all or if the alcohol and the drugs in his veins were the reason for it.

“I… It’s just obvious, I guess. I mean, you’re standing here alone on the balcony while a party is going on in there, listening to Queen. No one who doesn’t like Queen would do that.”

Lucas snorted and leaned his arms on the parapet, taking another sip from his bottle.

“Sounds kinda sad to me, to be honest. As if I have no friends at all, being all by myself with my joint and my beer and some good music”, answered Lucas with a smirk on his lips and he could see Eliott smiling from the corner of his eyes too.

_God, this smirk._

“Well, you’re not alone anymore now.”

Eliott was now turning around, leaning with his back on the parapet, stretching out one hand towards Lucas.

“I’m Eliott by the way.”

 “I kn—I mean, I’m Lucas. Lucas Lallemant”, said Lucas while kind of nervously shaking the other boy’s hand who showed some amusement on his face. Lucas could slap himself, he sounded like a creepy stalker who knew everything about Eliott Demaury.

“Lallemant?”

Lucas rolled his eyes. I knew that this question would come. It always did.

“Yeah, Lallemant. Son of Erik Lallemant, nice to meet you.”

“You’re fame, then. I should be honored that you’re talking with me”, said Eliott while grinning and Lucas couldn’t hide a smile anymore.

“Now you’re mocking me.”

“I would never dare to do such a thing!”

Both of them were laughing by now and Lucas held out the joint to Eliott. Eliott plugged it from Lucas’ fingers, taking a long drag. Lucas was watching Eliott as he blew out the smoke in the most sexy way Lucas had ever seen. The smoke was hiding his eyes for a moment who were steady on Lucas’ and Lucas bit his lips, unconscious of how his heart started to beat _really_ fast.

_Is it just me or is it really hot here?_

“So, Lucas…”, started Eliott and took another drag from the joint, forming rings with the smoke now which was definitely _not_ helping Lucas to hide the effect Eliott had on him.

“You’re new on college, right?”

“First semester, yeah.”

“You surely already got a lot of numbers from girls, right?”, said Eliott with a grin and gave the joint back to Lucas. Their fingers brushed and it was like some electricity passed between them. Lucas paused in his movement, Eliott also not taking his fingers away from him.

“I prefer numbers from boys, to be honest…”, said Lucas with a hoarse voice, holding Eliott’s gaze and not taking his eyes away from him for one second. Eliott suddenly leaned in, his hand closing around Lucas’ for a moment and Lucas had the feeling that his heartbeat was louder than any music in there.

“I’m glad about that,” whispered Eliott with a mysterious voice and Lucas just _knew,_ that every warning from Yann, Basile and Arthur had been useless and was now forgotten at all. If Lucas’ brain didn’t play any tricks on him, then Eliott just confirmed that he was drawn towards boys too.

Lucas imagination went wild.

Eliott took his hand away from Lucas’ now, casually leaning back against the parapet again and looking inside, watching the people dance to their music. Queen was still silently playing in the background of Lucas’ and Eliott’s own little party.

“You seem to be on college for quite a time now, non?”

Lucas broke the silence between them because he was really curious about the boy in front of him, not knowing what he should think of all of this.

Eliott only grinned and tilted his heads towards Lucas, the movement shifting some of his messy hair into his eyes. And Lucas had to summon up every strength he had not to brush the hair out of Eliott’s eyes.

“Let’s say, that I really like studying and that I have been there for a while now, yes.”

“What are you studying?”

“Art.”

Lucas blinked shortly, looking at Eliott. He had awaited a different subject, something like history. But art… Art was perfect for him. Lucas’ gaze fell on Eliott’s hands who had been really gentle while grabbing Lucas’ own and he could perfectly imagine this hand holding a pen or a brush, bringing magic on paper or a canvas.

“Lucas?”

“Hm?”

Lucas looked up and the sudden and quick movement made him sway on his feet again. Eliott grabbed his arms, holding him steady.

“Woah, easy”, said Eliott quietly and smiled at Lucas. This smile made Lucas melt right there and then and he was _really_ glad that Basile dragged him to this party after all. A boy who could smile like _this_ couldn’t be creepy or dangerous – Eliott was the contrast to that.

“Sorry, I think I’ve drunk a bit too much.”

“Good combined, Sherlock”, said Eliott while still holding Lucas close, Lucas tilting his head to look up at the other boy.

“Art fits you perfectly”, said Lucas now quietly.

“What?”

 _Love of my life_ was now playing in the background.

“You really look like an artsy type of guy.”

“I hope this is a compliment?”, asked Eliott while raising his eyebrows in an amused way. Lucas chuckled, having little hiccups because of the alcohol in his veins.

“It is. Your drawings are amazing for sure.”

“You haven’t seen them till now.”

“But I would love to.”

The both of them were staring into the other’s eyes now, Lucas being completely captured by the way Eliott looked at him.

And by something else.

He had the feeling to know him, Lucas feeling completely safe and like being in good hands. It was so normal to talk with him and yet special, his heart beating fast and his mind racing around with thoughts. He was afraid that he could say something wrong and he had the feeling that he just _couldn’t_ say something wrong to the same time.

“Strange…”, whispered Lucas without really knowing that he just said this out loud.

“What?” Eliott frowned with a smile.

“Lucas!”

Lucas and Eliott broke apart immediately as someone called out for Lucas. Suddenly, Arthur was sticking his head around the corner and stopped for a second as he saw Eliott and Lucas standing so close.

“Um… Sorry… to… interrupt something?”

“No. No, it’s fine. I—”

Lucas turned around to Eliott who was showing no emotion at all. Then he turned around to Arthur, driving a hand through his hair. Lucas didn’t want to imagine what Arthur was now thinking, Lucas in the arms of Eliott and their faces close to each other. He was also already _totally_ looking forward to the boys asking him out and Lucas needing to explain that nothing happened after all.

At least he thought so.

“I need your help, Lucas. Basile got himself into something and—”

Lucas groaned and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“I’m coming. Make sure that he doesn’t make things worse.”

Arthur only nodded, looking at Eliott once more before disappearing. Lucas sighed deeply, turning around to Eliott and biting his lips, looking at him apologetically.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Friends are important”, said Eliott with an understanding smile. Lucas nodded again, turning around to go after Arthur. But as soon as took some steps away from Eliott, he turned around abruptly, going back to the other boy.

“Do… Do you have a pen?”

Eliott frowned but, of course, the art student had one and he fished it out of his pocket.

Lucas took it with a smile. Then he grabbed Eliott’s hand, turning it around and wrote down his Instagram username and his number onto the other boy’s hand. Eliott was grinning by now, gifting Lucas with this beautiful smile. Lucas was smiling a bit shy now, walking backwards to look at Eliott for a little longer.

“See you”, he muttered quietly and literally ran after Arthur now, a smile still present on his lips.

* * *

Eliott looked after Lucas, his heart slowly calming down after all of this.

They flirted.

They touched.

And Lucas gave him his number.

He was also gay in this life, wanting at least some kind of contact with Eliott.

Eliott was looking down on his hand, the number from Lucas and the username now inked onto his skin. And Eliott hoped that it wouldn’t smear until he got home. Idriss was somewhere inside, dancing wildly to some techno music. Eliott wasn’t in the mood for a party after all but Idriss dragged him alongside, promising him some fun. They didn’t know that Lucas and his friends would be here.

But Eliott had been hoping for it the moment he entered the building.

And he couldn’t let this possibility to talk with him slide.

It took him all of his courage to walk up to him, he never was so nervous before in his life and when Lucas listened to _Somebody to love,_ his heart nearly dropped to the floor. He had been watching Lucas for a minute from the inside, being all carefree and happy.

 _Somebody to love_ was the song to which they had their first date.

In another lifetime.

Everything seemed so natural while talking to Lucas, as if 19 years haven’t passed without any of them talking.

Lucas was different, of course he was.

But a good different.

And Eliott couldn’t wait to get to know him more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lulu being a brave and tipsy hedgehog - what's new?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**monvoisintuturo:** okay lucas what the actually fuck was this all about?

**basile_simple:** what?! what happened

**y4z4s** : arthur saw lucas and the demaury together. alone. on the balcony.

**basile_simple:** WTF LUCAS???????????????????

Lucas sighed deeply and leaned his head back against the wall behind him. He was staring at his ceiling now, finally in his own bed after walking home the whole way. He drank too much alcohol to drive and his parents would already kill him if they found out that he had been at another party in the middle of the week. They were really strict regarding education and so on and so forth.

As if they had been better in their school years.

Lucas sneaked back into their big house, his parents being occupied with themselves and paper work. This was one of the few advantages of his parents not having a lot of time for Lucas: They never realized how easy it was for Lucas to sneak in and out of the house.

When he finally closed the door quietly behind him, falling down on the bed, he was greeted by all of the messages in their group chat, asking questions about Eliott and his conversation.

Well, not even Lucas knew what all of this had been about.

He only knew that it felt good being around Eliott and that he _really_ hoped that Eliott would message him someday.

Someday soon, hopefully.

Lucas lifted his head again, looking at the screen.

**lucallement:** it was nothing, relax

**monvoisintuturo:** nothing? you were literally in his arms

this didn’t look like “nothing” to me

**lucallement:** I was drunk as hell, arthur

**basile_simple:** I’m sure you still are

**lucallement:** I didn’t puke on the shoes of some poor innocent girl

**basile_simple:** she was SO HOT

I’m sure she would’ve hooked up with me if it hadn’t been for you

**y4z4s:** I’m sure she would’ve killed you if it hadn’t been for us

A smile tugged on Lucas’ lips, like always, when his friends were acting extra dumb. He actually had to be something like thankful for his friends tonight: If it hadn’t been for them, he wouldn’t have gone to that party. And then he wouldn’t have met Eliott.

_He likes Queen… And he likes boys._

**monvoisintuturo:** we were talking about lucas here, not you, basile

**y4z4s:** you should stay away from him, lucas. he isn’t the kind of guy for you

**lucallement:** and who is the kind of guy for me?

Lucas was tired of this. He was tired of his friends telling him what he had to do and what he shouldn’t. He was thankful for Yann and his protective side, but Eliott didn’t seem like some creepy stalker guy at all.

**lucallement:** if you had talked with him for once, you would see that he actually is really cool

**basile_simple:** are you for real, lulu?

**lucallement:** maybe he wants to hang out with us one time

**basile_simple:** wtf have you smoked too much ahhaahahah

**y4z4s:** sorry to say this but basile’s right

**basile_simple:** HA YOU HEARD IT; BASILE IS RIGHT

Lucas rolled his eyes and locked his phone, muting it. He was not in the mood to discuss what was good for him and what wasn’t.

The time with Eliott felt good.

The way Eliott held his hand felt good.

The way his smile seemed to shine brighter than the sun felt good.

And if something felt this good, why should it be wrong after all?

* * *

The best present Lucas ever got was a motorbike on his 18th birthday.

He loved to drive in the city with his bike, feeling the wind on his body and the speed of it all making his adrenaline kick in. He used his bike as often as he could and today was one of those days, where he couldn’t wait to take a trip around the city.

His parents didn’t realize that Lucas had sneaked in last night and Lucas was glad that he didn’t need to find some excuse for it. He sometimes had a lot of problems with his parents and especially their lifestyle which was now also his own lifestyle, but he loved them and he hated to lie to them. So he was glad when his little party adventure went undetected this time.

Lucas put on his helmet, swinging one leg over the machine, shifting into a comfortable sitting position. His friends always told him that they envied Lucas for all the glances he got whenever he came to college with his bike, apparently looking good while driving.

Lucas made the engine howl, letting his parents know through this, that he was leaving now and took off with a high speed.

The city was rushing past him in a blur, Lucas passing cars and enjoying the kick which he always got whenever he was biking. As he drove into a more quiet neighborhood, he reduced the speed, driving slowly in the little streets and looking around, taking in his surroundings and the pretty balconies with their flowers and their pretty colors.

The pretty balconies with pretty boys on it.

Lucas couldn’t believe his eyes as he spotted him on one of the balconies. He was holding a cigarette between his lips, a watering can in one hand and carefully taking care of the plants which surrounded his balcony. Lucas didn’t know that Eliott lived here and Lucas also didn’t know that one could look this hot and cute and beautiful to the same time while watering _fucking_ plants.

Lucas saw the pole a second too late because he was too occupied staring at Eliott.

As he turned his head around, his eyes widened in panic.

“Shit”, he hissed while making a hard stop with the bike. But it was too late – he collided with the pole and the impact of it made the motorbike fall to the side, Lucas on top of it and now lying in a painful way on the street. It was no hard collision, no serious accident and his bike would only leave this place with some scratches in the metal.

But this was probably the most embarrassing moment in Lucas’ entire life.

“Lucas?”

And it just got even more embarrassing.

Lucas turned his head while lying on the ground, breathing hard. And since his vision was upside-down, he only saw the legs from Eliott running towards him.

_Great. This is great._

He saw all of this, maybe even him staring at Eliott like a creepy stalker.

“I’m okay”, he murmured while slowly taking off his helmet, taking a deep breath. He was glad that his face was already red from the hard breathing, hiding his blushing cheeks through that. He felt something wet on his temple and he was just about to touch it, when Eliott was suddenly next to him, catching his hand and stopping him through that.

“Don’t. You’re bleeding.”

“It’s only a scratch.”

“Are you okay otherwise? Any broken bones?”

Lucas looked up as he heard the worry in Eliott’s voice and it kind of moved him to see the other boy concerned about him.

“It was only a little collision, nothing serious.”

Lucas wanted to stand up but he suddenly felt a little dizzy. Eliott seemed to realize that, steading Lucas with his arms like he did yesterday on the balcony on that party.

“I saw you driving against that pole from the balcony”, said Eliott as some kind of explanation why he was here. As if Lucas didn’t know this. As if Eliott wasn’t the reason for Lucas not paying attention while driving.

“Come on, you’re coming upstairs with me”, said Eliott while slowly guiding Lucas to his house.

“Eliott, I’m fine. Just let me—”

“I won’t let you go like this. You’re bleeding and dizzy and probably in shock.”

And Lucas had to admit that Eliott might be right.

He couldn’t continue to drive like this, not after this accident and the fact that all of that could have ended _way_ worse.

So Lucas didn’t try to protest any more. Eliott guided him into his house, one hand steady on his waist and the parts of Lucas’ body which Eliott touched were getting kind of strangely warm.

* * *

“Eliott, what are you—”

Eliott just opened the door as Lucas’ heard the voice coming from the inside of his apartment. He looked up and saw into the eyes of a tall, young man, probably some years older than him. He was staring at Lucas and then at Eliott and back to Lucas. And suddenly he stretched his arms wide, rushing towards Lucas.

“Hey! Lucas! It’s really you, I—”

“Idriss.”

Lucas was totally perplex as the boy named Idriss suddenly hugged him tightly. As Eliott hissed his name, Idriss let go of Lucas, taking some steps backwards and looking as confused as Lucas did. Did Lucas know him? Did he meet him on some kind of party and just simple… forgot about him? Lucas was not sure, the other boy looked familiar but Lucas just couldn’t put his finger on where he knew him from.

“Oh. I’m—”

“This is my flat mate, Idriss. And Idriss just mistook you for someone else, right, Idriss?” Eliott was giving Idriss a meaningful look and the other nodded enthusiastically at that.

“Yes. Yes, I’m sorry. I really need glasses or something”, said Idriss while laughing a bit unconvincingly.

“Someone who’s also named Lucas? What a coincidence.”, said Lucas skeptically while raising his eyebrows. But he winced as doing so, the little wound on his temple hurting a bit. Eliott seemed to remember why he brought Lucas here at all and pulled him with him, straight into his room.

“It… It was nice to meet you nevertheless”, said Lucas while looking back over his shoulder to where Idriss was still standing, a tiny smile on his lips now.

“Nice to meet you too, Lucas.”

And before Lucas could ask anything else, Eliott led him into his room and Lucas’ stopped to breath for a second.

Eliott told him that he was an artist, that he studied art.

But nothing prepared him for this room.

Every little part of the wall was covered in drawings and paintings, so many different styles collected in one room. Lucas’ jaw dropped as he spun around himself, the throbbing pain in his head forgotten for some moments. Lucas stepped towards the wall and his eyes darted towards one drawing, showing a racoon and a hedgehog in an embrace. Something inside Lucas stirred at this and he was biting his lip unconsciously.

“Do you like it?”

Lucas looked up again, nearly having forgotten about Eliott. He was leaning against his desk with crossed ankles, watching Lucas with this special gaze which made Lucas heart beat faster and faster.

“It’s really cute”, said Lucas and was surprised to find that his voice was kind of hoarse, “You have a lot of talent.”

“There are surely a lot of people who are way more talented than me.”

“And there are surely a lot of people who are way less talented”, said Lucas and turned around to Eliott, smiling at him and producing a smile on Eliott’s lips with this too.

“I’m gonna fetch something to clean you up, make yourself at home”, said Eliott after some seconds passed, leaving Lucas alone in this room full of art. Lucas continued to look around, finding something new in every corner of this room. Eliott looked like some vintage kind of guy: He had a vinyl player, a lot of old books in his bookshelf and an old piano with yellowed music sheets on it. Eliott’s bed was massive, standing in front of a window.

And Lucas felt… at home.

He really felt like he… belonged here.

One drawing seemed to tug at Lucas’ consciousness. He squinted his eyes at it and took a step forward, standing in front of the bed and looking at a paper attached to the wall right above Eliott’s bed. It was a simple pencil-drawing, showing a boy, a young man, smiling and happily laughing while looking down on some books, a pen in his hand as if he was just about to write something down while Eliott captured this situation in his drawing.

Lucas tilted his head a little to the right and suddenly, the air left his lungs.

He knew why he was drawn to this drawing.

Because this boy looked exactly like him.

* * *

_“I’m trying to study here”, said Lucas while laughing. He buried his head into his hands, looking down on the books in front of him while biting his lips._

_“I won’t distract you”, said the other boy with a big grin on his face while he started to sketch something on the paper in front of him, always touching Lucas’ leg with his feet under the table while starting to draw._

_“You distract me only by being here. In the same room.”_

_“This is still_ my _apartment and not yours.”_

_“You invited me to study! I didn’t knew it would turn out into some kind of ‘how to distract your boyfriend in the best way possible’ thing”, said Lucas while laughing, trying to shift away from the other boy. But Lucas knew that he just couldn’t concentrate when he was sitting opposite from him with that smile on his lips and Lucas wanted to kiss him so badly in this moment._

_“Wait – what are you doing there”, said Lucas suddenly alarmed as he saw that the sketch on the other boy’s paper was actually not something but_ someone.

_“I’m just capturing this moment.”_

_“You are drawing me!”_

_“As if I hadn’t done this before, Lulu.”_

_Lucas stared at him and could only laugh. He laughed out loud because the older boy always managed to make Lucas smile, no matter how much he drowned in his work or in the problems of his life in general._

_The other boy’s eyes lit up as he saw Lucas laughing._

_“Stay like this, please. I always want to remember your smile in this moment.”_

* * *

“Lucas?”

Lucas jumped, literally jumped, and hit his foot on the edge of the bed, falling down on it back first. He felt even dizzier than before, the pictures in his head still present, breathing hard,

“This… this needs to stop”, he whispered more to himself, staring blankly at one point on the wall, still trying to process that he just had _another fucking flashback._

_This is it. I’m going crazy. I’m losing my mind._

“Hey… You’ve gone pale”, said Eliott while walking over to him really quickly, kneeling down in front of him and looking at Lucas with the same worry in his eyes he showed downstairs when Lucas had that accident, “And what needs to stop?”

“What?”, asked Lucas, confused.

“You just said—never mind”, said Eliott now as he saw the confusion in Lucas’ gaze. And Lucas _was_ confused. Because the _vision_ he just had felt so… alive. So real. Like he really experienced this situation, like Eliott really drew him back then.

But this couldn’t be real.

Except if he had known Eliott in his former life.

_Don’t be stupid, Lucas. Eliott would by a grown-up man by now and not someone in your age._

And yet…

“Lucas, are you sure that you’re okay? Should we maybe go to the hospital or—”

“I’m fine”, Lucas said now, his voice sounding decisive, “I just… I don’t know what happened.”

And this was most of the truth he would tell Eliott. Otherwise he would think of Lucas as crazy and he wouldn’t want to talk with him at all anymore. And if Lucas knew one thing for sure then it was that he wanted to have some kind of contact with Eliott.

“Okay… Could you turn your head a little?”

Lucas did as he was told and Eliott lifted a wet towel to Lucas’ temple, carefully cleaning the wound and drying the blood. Lucas winced and closed his eyes for a second, enjoying the cool and wet texture on his forehead. It helped him to calm down a little, to see things clear again while the moments from his flashback still ghosted around at the back of his mind.

“I’m sorry”, Lucas said after some seconds passed in silence.

“For what?”

“For occupying you with my stupidity.”

Eliott laughed out and Lucas found a new favorite sound in this very second.

“We all make mistakes”, Eliott said quietly and some seriousness could be heard in his voice. Lucas opened his eyes and saw Eliott watching him. Eliott took his gaze away from Lucas quickly as if he didn’t want to be caught while staring at Lucas.

“You sound like you did a lot already…”

“Not a lot”, admitted Eliott and swallowed, “But enough for a lifetime.”

Lucas bit his lip slightly and for some long moments, they were staring into each other’s eyes, trying to make sense of the other one and of the ‘thing’ that was going on between them. Eliott was a mystery to Lucas and Lucas wanted to solve this one.

“Would you like to—”

“If you have nothing to—”

Lucas and Eliott started to talk to the same time and both of them laughed, Lucas slightly blushing. He usually was never nervous around a boy, he was the one who always approached other’s and flirted with them. But with Eliott, it was different.

And it kind of scared Lucas.

“You go first”, Lucas said with a smile, now taking the towel from Eliott’s hand to press it on the wound on his own. He actually liked that the taller boy seemed to care about him but he didn’t want to exploit his kindness. He would tell Yann and the others about all of this and maybe they would change their mind after all.

“I just wanted to invite you for a coffee. Maybe after you’ve calmed down a bit. Tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. To… talk and maybe you can tell me some things about yourself…?” Eliott was rubbing the back of his neck while saying all of this, looking down and one could actually think that he, Eliott Demaury, the hottest guy on the whole college, was nervous.

“Are you asking me out for… a date?”, asked Lucas with a little smirk while raising his eyebrows and he could hear the pulse of his heart in his ears.

_Say yes, say yes, say yes._

And Eliott only smirked back, wriggling his eyebrows at Lucas.

“You tell me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gay disaster jumped out in this one + the boysquad judging


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**srodulv:** did you get home safe?

As Lucas gave Eliott his username, he had to resist the urge to follow him right away, messaging him one minute after he was gone from that party where they first met. But now was the right time to contact Lucas because Eliott had a reason to do so.

And he desperately wanted to have contact with Lucas. And to know if the other boy got home safe after his little accident.

Eliott waited for some seconds, staring at the screen of his phone. He was considering if this message was the right thing to do or if he should just… leave Lucas alone. For now.

Eliott took a deep breath and pressed the “sent” button.

 “What was all of that about, Eli?”

Idriss appeared out of nowhere, standing in the doorway, looking at Eliott with raised eyebrows

“Why was Lucas bleeding? And why—"

“He biked into a pole and I saw it from the balcony while watering our plants who would have died long ago if it wasn’t for me”, said Eliott with a slight smirk and looked up from his phone. But suddenly he remembered the way Idriss “greeted” Lucas.

“And to be honest, I could ask you the same”, said Eliott now with something like offence in his voice, “Idriss, you went straight up to him and hugged him as if you’ve known him for your whole life”, Eliott sighed as Idriss started to protest, standing up from the bed and walking over to his best friend.

You… You cannot just do this. Lucas knows nothing about his past life.”

“Well, I actually know him, you know…”

“Idriss”, said Eliott with a serious tone in his voice while kind of nervously driving his hands through his messy hair and pulling slightly on the strands, “You were the one who told me that this is not the Lucas we’ve known. That this is maybe Lucas but not… Lucas.”

Idriss looked at Eliott with a blank expression now.

“I stopped to listen after the second time you said his name”, admitted Idriss and Eliott could do nothing else but smile at the absurdity of it all. He couldn’t even explain to himself what all of this was about – how should he explain it to someone else, Idriss in this case? And if Lucas wanted to be with him… how would he explain it to him? Or should he just –

“But nevertheless… I didn’t believe you until I saw him standing right in front of me.”

Idriss interrupted Eliott’s chain of thoughts with his words, distracting Eliott from all the things which left him clueless. Eliott walked over to Idriss leaning against the doorframe opposite from him, looking into Idriss’ eyes.

“I told you that he isn’t some kind of hallucination.”

“It’s not really easy to believe that the love of your life came back, here and now. It’s like… a miracle.”

“You’re saying this like you haven’t seen any miracles”, Eliott said while laughing and crossing his arms in front of his chest, “We’re fucking immortal. Our existence alone is a miracle.”

Idriss laughed and shook his head, looking down.

“Our wise Eliott”, he said absentminded and ruffled through Eliott’s hair like a big brother would do with his little one. Eliott laughed and shifted away from Idriss, leaving the other one with a smile. Both of them were silently smiling to themselves now, going after their own thoughts and the silence stretched between them.

“It’s… It’s like we’ve always known each other”, said Eliott quietly after some seconds passed, desperately needing to get out his thoughts, to share them with someone.

“And yet…”, Eliott stopped and leaned his head back, looking at the ceiling, “And yet it’s different. When I saw him crashing into that pole, I had a flashback to the time where he… where he…”

Eliott couldn’t continue to speak. It was still so difficult after all these years to talk about the day where he lost everything. And now his everything was back and he had another chance with Lucas.

“He looked grateful that you were there, Eliott”, Idriss said and laid a reassuring hand on Eliott’s shoulder, telling him through that it’s okay for Eliott to not talk about it, that he got the unspoken words nevertheless.

“And you got another chance to make everything better this time. Lucas looks at you with this special gaze…”

“Really?”, Eliott said, surprise in his voice and his heart started to beat faster immediately. He was looking down at the nod he got from Idriss, a slight smile on his lips. He thought of all the times where he looked at Lucas with _his_ special gaze, full of love and passion and pride.

“Really.”

Idriss smiled at him and Eliott returned it. His friend patted Eliott’s back, turning around to leave Eliott alone with his thoughts and the smile on his lips which was alone dedicated to one person on this planet.

“You know what, Idriss?”

Idriss froze as he heard Eliott’s voice, looking over his shoulder back to the other boy who was still standing in the doorway.

And Eliott’s eyes lit up as he lifted his head, looking at Idriss while his smile grew wider and wider.

“I will make everything better this time. Watch me.”

* * *

**srodulv:** did you get home safe?

Lucas didn’t remember the last time where he smiled at his phone like _this._

Eliott not only _finally_ followed him on Instagram, the notification nearly making him squeal in delight, but he also messaged him, asking him if he’s okay and if he got home safe. And Lucas couldn’t honestly feel better right now, despite the throbbing pain in his head and the feeling of being dizzy which was still manifested in his bones.

He got home safe and he was glad that his parents weren’t home now – they would only ask where he got that red wound on his temple and why he hadn’t called them sooner.

_Because I was occupied with some hot boy._

_Who just asked me out for a date._

Lucas still couldn’t believe that Eliott really wanted to drink a coffee with him, that he really wanted to have a fucking date with him. Lucas got nervous only by thinking about staring into those eyes for long, long minutes.

He nearly forgot about the message and he plopped down onto the bed, groaning in pain when his head hit the board behind him. He should just stay in bed for the rest of the day, only moving to get some food and to maybe use the toilet once in a while.

**lucallemant:** hey stranger

yes, I got home safely, thanks for asking

**srodulv:** stranger? I just didn’t want to come over as a stalker and follow you right away after you gave me the details

despite that, your handwriting is a mess

**lucallemant:** oh, forgive me, my knight, for making you struggle while trying to decipher my handwriting

Lucas was chuckling to himself. He liked this teasing atmosphere between them and it felt like they had known each other for years now.

**srodulv:** maybe you will earn forgiveness one day ;)

I hope you won’t forget about our date

**lucallemant:** you just have to keep reminding me, I guess

**srodulv:** oh trust me, I won’t rest until I got a coffee with you

**lucallemant:** you seem to take this date thing really serious

**srodulv:** ofc, I usually don’t save random bikers on the street, ya know?

**lucallemant:** oh, really? I thought this was some kind of hobby you’re into

**srodulv:** not really, I’m only caring about the cute ones

Lucas was blushing by now, biting his lips.

**srodulv:** and because of me being so courageous and saving you from bleeding to death on this street, you owe me something

**lucallemant:** oh, do I?

**srodulv:** the coffee date is the least you can do, monsieur lallemant

**lucallemant:** well, then I have no other choice then going with you soon, monsieur demaury

**srodulv:** absolutely right

Lucas smiled to himself. He felt desirable in this moment. He could have never imagined to go on a date with someone like Eliott Demaury who looked like an angel himself, who everyone seemed to desire. And he was lucky enough that the attention from the other boy was directed towards Lucas.

**srodulv:** lucas?

**lucallemant:** hm?

**srodulv:** stay safe the next time.

Lucas was staring at the message, something inside of him slowly getting warmer and warmer while his heart started to race. He cared. He really did and they didn’t even know each other very well. It was as if there was some instant connection between them.

Lucas’ gaze went to the ceiling, staring at nothing in particular and his mind wandered back to the things he saw in his flashback, in his vision when he saw that drawing in Eliott’s room. The feeling of being at home, of safety, of recognition of a place he never visited before in his life.

They didn’t met before yesterday.

But maybe they did know each other after all.

* * *

“You’re making a wrong decision, man.”

Lucas rolled his eyes. Again. Yann had said something like this for the tenth time in the last days and Arthur and Basile weren’t better. Lucas told them about Eliott literally saving him and they still thought that he wasn’t good for him? That he was creppy?

“Could you maybe just… I don’t know… drop it?”, said Lucas with a big sigh and looked over his shoulder while walking out of the room, their lecture finally being over.

“We just want to save you, Lulu.”

“Oh, fuck you, Yann”, said Lucas now and turned around, walking backwards to face his best friend. “You’re saying this like Eliott is the devil himself and he—”

A shock went through Lucas’ body as his back suddenly collided with something, sending Lucas stumbling over his own feet while falling into the arms of someone.

“Woah”, said the voice and Lucas’ heart started to beat faster immediately when he recognized the voice, the soft and deep sound sending shivers down his spine. “You don’t need to fall down every time you see me.”

Lucas straightened awkwardly and turned around, running hands through his hair to comb them a bit. Taking a deep breath, he slowly looked up into the beautiful eyes from Eliott Demaury. His eyes looked different every day. Today, they were a grey-blue like a storm cloud would look like before a big thunderstorm after a long and hot summer day.

“Hey”, said Lucas quietly, his voice suddenly being weak.

“Hey.”

_Stop staring. Say something. Stop staring. Say something._

Eliott was still grinning, looking at Lucas and challenging him with his look. Eliott played with the way Lucas reacted to him and Lucas hated him a little bit in this moment. Eliott didn’t spare a glance at Lucas’ friends who were standing directly next to him, never taking his eyes from the smaller boy in front of him.

“Um… I—Sorry, for always seeming to fall on you.”

“I would rather have you fall _for_ me instead of on me.”

Lucas was staring at Eliott.

_Did he just fucking—_

“What…”

“Lucas, man, wouldn’t you like to introduce us?”

He shot a glance at Yann which could’ve killed him in a second and Lucas swore to himself that Yann would definitely regret this.

“Eliott, these are my best friends. Yann, Basile and Arthur. Guys, this is Eliott Demaury. As if you wouldn’t know by now.”

Lucas wanted to get this over as soon as possible. As if bumping into Eliott in front of his friends, nearly starting to drool because this boy looked _this fucking good_ wasn’t enough already.

Eliott smiled openly at all of them, ignoring the annoyed look on Lucas’ face regarding this whole situation.

“Nice to meet you”, said Eliott and shook every hand of them. Basile was openly glaring at him as if he was some kind of famous actor and Lucas couldn’t help himself as he pushed his elbows slightly into the rips of Basile to get him out of his trance. He loved his friends, he really did. But sometimes they were the biggest idiots on this planet.

“Nice to meet you, too”, said Arthur now with a smile and _thank god,_ at least one of them had their braincell with them today.

“And thank you for saving our little one right here. He doesn’t know how to survive in the big world out there.”

And the braincell was gone again.

Lucas rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, ready to protest against these words, but Eliott was faster.

“I’m sure that Lucas knows how to make the most of his life, right?”

Lucas smiled a bit nervously at the other boy, forgetting his friends around them. He could only see Yann rolling his eyes in the corner of his own eyes.

“Yeah, he sure does”, murmured Yann and grabbed Basile’s arm, “Come on, let’s go. Monsieur Lallemant wants to talk with Eliott _alone_.” Yann was throwing a meaningful glance towards Lucas, telling him to be careful as fuck and that he won’t save him this time when something happens.

But Lucas didn’t need any saving.

“I’m sorry, they are just…”

“They are your friends, everyone has difficult friends.”

Lucas looked up from where he watched Yann and the others left, facing the beautiful boy in front of him again. He was leaning down a bit, trying to get to an eye-to-eye level with Lucas through this and his brownish hair was falling into his eyes through that.

_Could you stop looking so ridiculously good?_

“So…”, started Eliott and a smirk appeared on his lips, making Lucas smile crookedly.

“So what?”

Eliott ran a hand through his hair, making Lucas’ mouth go dry at that.

This man knew exactly which strings to pull.

“You owe me some coffee.”

“Oh, do I?”, said Lucas with played surprised, raising his eyebrows innocently. Eliott laughed at that, stepping closer to Lucas. The students were streaming past them, everything and everyone passing by in a blur. Lucas could only fix his gaze on Eliott who was so close now that he could smell his aftershave and see the blue sprinkles in his eyes.

“You do. And if you have nothing to do now… I would like to call in my favor.”

Lucas was taking a shaky breath, trying to calm his beating heart. It was new to him, the whole being-nervous-around-pretty-boys thing. He usually never had a problem talking to boys or flirting, he was good at it and he enjoyed it. But Eliott was different. Everything seemed different with him and Lucas was not sure how to feel about it. How to feel about slowly but surely losing control.

He looked over Eliott’s shoulder down the hallway, spotting his friends standing close to each other, speaking in hushed voice while watching Lucas and Eliott the whole time. He knew that he should probably listen to them and he also knew that something like a scandal would break lose if he would go with Eliott now.

But for once, he listened to his heart.

He looked back to Eliott and offered him one of his sweetest and most purest smiles.

“Shall we?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm living for flirty elu Chats hmmmmmm


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

“Do you trust me?”

Lucas held the helmet in his hands, looking at Eliott who was eyeing Lucas’ bike skeptically.

“I’m not sure, to be honest…”

“I won’t drive into a pole this time, I promise”, said Lucas with a laugh, pressing a second helmet into Eliott’s hand and swinging one leg over the machine, shifting into the seat so that Eliott could take place behind him. They wanted to go to a coffee in Eliott’s neighborhood and since Lucas came with his bike, it was only logical that he would take Eliott with him.

“How are you so sure about that?”, said Eliott now, looking at the helmet in his hands while turning it around several times as if some secret was hidden in it.

_Because the pretty boy on the balcony who distracted me will sit behind me now._

Lucas bit his lip, stopping his stupid self from spilling those words out for everyone to hear them. It was embarrassing enough that only Eliott’s appearance made him lose control over his bike.

“I’m usually a good driver”, said Lucas now, satisfied with this answer.

“It didn’t look like that to me.”

_How dares he!?_

Lucas’ inner protest could apparently be seen on his face now since Eliott’s lips turned into a smirk while he was slowly stepping closer to Lucas, his gaze wandering over his whole body.

_Is he fucking checking me out?_

For once, he was glad to own a bike with which he apparently looked hot, according to his friends.

Lucas was now tilting his head to one side, challenging Eliott with that look while slowly putting on the helmet. A smirk appeared on Lucas’ face now too, an idea forming in his head with which he surely would get Eliott onto his bike.

“Or…”, started Lucas slowly, “Are you just… afraid?”

“Me? Afraid?” Eliott’s voice was higher pitched now with offence, raising his eyebrows instantly, “I’m not afraid.”

“You are. Or you don’t want to be close to me. I cannot think of other reasons why you wouldn’t drive with me.”

Lucas wanted to take back these words in the moment he said them. He slapped himself imaginary, once, twice. He couldn’t make it more obvious now why he was so eager to drive with Eliott, to take him for a ride on his bike.

_Or you don’t want to be close to me. Wow, fucking congratulations, Lucas._

Eliott was staring into Lucas’ eyes now, the only thing visible from his face with the helmet on. Lucas was glad that Eliott couldn’t see his blushing cheeks, the embarrassment written all over his face this way. He acted like a love-drunk idiot and he hated himself for that. The only thing left now would be some drooling over the intense stare with which Eliott looked at Lucas now. But something in Eliott had changed as Lucas said these awkward words, some stubbornness could be seen on the other boy’s face and before Lucas could desperately think of something to say to smoothen the rising tension, Eliott suddenly put on his helmet, sitting down behind Lucas in a flowing motion.

Lucas heart was starting to beat faster, again, as Eliott slowly wrapped his arms around Lucas’ waist, shifting closer to Lucas and holding onto him tightly as if his life depended on it.

_Don’t interpret too much in it. He’s mainly afraid that you could kill him._

“Are you happy now, biker boy?”, said Eliott with his voice being near to Lucas’ face.

And Lucas was smiling, his mouth covered by his helmet. He started to motor, turning his head a little to the side to be closer to Eliott this way.

“Very.”

And with a howl of his bike, he took off, Eliott clinging onto him.

_This is going to be a good afternoon._

* * *

 

“So, what would you like to have? I’m inviting you.”

“No, Eliott, I don’t—”

Eliott lifted a hand and stopped Lucas’ uprising protest through that, Lucas pressing his lips together in an effort not to say something nevertheless.

“I asked you out for this date and that’s why I’m also paying for it.”

_Date, date, date._

He was really having a date with the hottest dude on college. Lucas smiled slightly to himself, thinking about all the jealous girls and boys who would change places with him in a heartbeat now. But this was his moment, his date, his little hours of joy.

“If you insist…”

“I do”, said Eliott while flashing Lucas that beautiful smile which made Lucas’ knees kind of weak.

Eliott was holding the door open for Lucas and Lucas smiled at him, slightly blushing at how much of a gentleman Eliott was. The others only thought of him as weird because they didn’t know about him. And everything which was unknown to the human beings was weird.

Lucas was scanning the card, already knowing exactly what he wanted. But before he could open his mouth, his mind started to think. If he would order his usual drink, Eliott would maybe think of him as some kind of child. No, Lucas wanted to look grown-up and mature and so he would just take the most disgusting thing ever – a big black coffee. The fucking things he did for Eliott.

“I’ll take—”

“A big hot chocolate with cream and cinnamon on top of it.”

Lucas slowly turned his head to Eliott, staring at him with widened eyes.

_Are you fucking kidding me, bro?_

Eliott was still looking at the card, slightly chewing at his lips while doing so. It seemed like he said all of this without even really noticing and Lucas…

Lucas was shocked.

“How… How do you know this?”, stuttered Lucas. He never told him about his big weakness for hot chocolate with cream and a pinch of cinnamon on it, he never told him that he was disgusted by coffee.

“What—”

Eliott was now turning his head towards Lucas and he froze as he suddenly seemed to realize what he just said. What Lucas just said.

“How do you know that I would like to have this exact drink? I never told you about it.”

Lucas saw some kind of panic flashing over Eliott’s face, the other one trying to hide his emotion immediately. But Lucas saw it and he wouldn’t unseen it.

“I – I don’t know, you just seemed like the hot chocolate kind of guy to me.”

Eliott was rubbing the back of his neck like he did when he asked Lucas out for this date, apparently being nervous. Lucas was still confused, now even more. This was definitely the worst excuse he’s ever heard.

“I’ll go and order for us, okay? You can already find a table for us”, Eliott said with a quick smile while nearly fleeing from Lucas. Lucas still couldn’t believe that Eliott just guessed his preferred drink and he squinted after Eliott, his mind working hard on finding a solution for all of this.

Maybe Yann was right.

Maybe Eliott really was a mystery after all.

* * *

 

“So, how is it to be the son of a famous politician?”

Lucas rolled as his eyes at this typical question and laughed, taking a sip from his hot chocolate while Eliott was watching him the whole time. He got himself a big cup of coffee and Lucas still couldn’t understand how people could drink this beverage of a devil.

“It has its benefits, to be honest.”

“Such as…”

“Such as the big parties and the alcohol for free.”

Eliott snorted at this, looking into the cup of his coffee and Lucas smirked, enjoying the view he had.

“What about you, Eliott? A lot of things are being told about you…”

“Such as…?”

Eliott raised his eyebrows and Lucas chuckled quietly.

“I’ve heard that you’ve been on this college for over 10 years. I’ve heard that people think you are actually a murderer.”

Eliott looked at him with wide eyes, not quite believing what Lucas just told him. And Lucas laughed because he couldn’t believe all of that shit either. But if he could tell Yann and the others about this conversation, about the truth of it all, maybe they would finally accept that fact that Lucas was slowly but surely falling for that boy in front of him.

“Yeah, I know, it’s ridicu—”

“Well, maybe the people are right.”

Lucas froze midsentence frowned. Eliott was leaning forward now, his breath already grazing Lucas’ cheek while looking straight into his eyes, being close to Lucas’ own face now.

“Maybe I’m a murderer and I just want to seduce you so that killing you will be even easier.”

“You’re doing a great job in seducing me”, said Lucas quietly, his voice sounding strange in his own ears and he couldn’t actually believe what he just said. The moment where he wanted to slap him and again and again was here again.

Eliott took Lucas’ answer with a grinning face, reaching out and taking a strand of Lucas’ hair in his fingers, watching the mess which was Lucas’ hair as if it was something special.

“You’re not like everyone, Lucas Lallemant”, said Eliott quietly and his gaze shifted to Lucas’ eyes now. Lucas was sure that Eliott could hear his beating heart and he was also sure that Eliott knew what he did to him.

_What a little fucker he is. Taking advantage of young, lovesick boys like this._

“Can I take this as a compliment?”, asked Lucas quietly, not daring to shift in his seat or the move at all because he was afraid that Eliott would stop touching him then.

_God, what the fuck is wrong with you, Lucas. You’ve never been lovestruck._

But he never met a person like Eliott before, too.

Eliott smirked.

“You can.”

* * *

 

“Thank you for bringing me home”, said Eliott with a smile after Lucas took his helmet off, running his fingers through his hair. He was aware that Eliott watched him while doing so, stretching out his movements to a slow-motion version of his usual action.

_I can also play this game, Demaury._

“Of course. The next time, it’s your turn”, said Lucas while smirking and leaning the bike against a pole. He was strolling to where Eliott was standing, taking position in front of him now and looking up into his eyes which were sparkling with light.

“And thank you for inviting me for the coffee… I—” Lucas stopped now, the confidence he had just gathered turning to dust again. If he would tell Eliott now that he would like to do this again, Eliott would maybe think of him as creepy or maybe he didn’t want to have another date with him or—

“I would love to do this again sometime”, said Eliott now and Lucas’ doubts disappeared immediately, leaving Lucas with a warm feeling of happiness and anticipation.

“Me too”, he said and didn’t try to hide the bright smile on his lips. Yann and the other boys would never understand how it was to finally find someone who was on the same level as you. And Lucas didn’t want to give up this feeling anytime soon.

“Well… I’m gonna go inside”, said Eliott and was still watching Lucas, only looking up to eye the building behind him, “Stay safe.”

Lucas nodded and was about to turn around as Eliott’s hand wrapped itself around Lucas’ wrist. Lucas froze, looking back to Eliott with his big, blue eyes and something in Eliott’s eyes seemed to… move. So many emotions were written all over his face that Lucas couldn’t grasp all of them – he was merely fascinated by the feelings rushing over the other boy’s face and he felt something stirring inside of him, something which never really was awake at all. Lucas’ gaze wandered from Eliott’s eyes unconsciously to Eliott’s lips. They were full and tinted in a light pink. And he could see from the corner of his eyes, that Eliott was watching Lucas’ lips too.

_Come on, Eliott… Do it…_

Lucas’ eyes jerked up again as he saw Eliott moving, the taller boy slowly leaning down so that he was even closer to Lucas. Lucas’ lips parted on their own accord, his pulse nearly drumming in his own ears and he couldn’t believe what was just about to happen.

_Do it, do it, do it, do it…_

But suddenly, Eliott took another strand of Lucas’ hair between his fingers, letting the hair slide through his fingers.

“Salut.”

Eliott smiled, turned around and left, going inside his house. Lucas was gaping after him, being alone on the pavement now, the longing for the other boy still present in his every vein.

Lucas was alone, completely confused and with lips which just wanted to be kissed by Eliott.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor lulu, we all can relate how you feel regarding not getting kissed by someone like eliott


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

Eliott slowly closed the door behind him as he entered his room, leaning against the door and closing his eyes for a second, a big sigh escaping his mouth.

They nearly kissed.

He could’ve seen that Lucas wanted it, could’ve seen it in the way his eyes seemed to be alive with light, in the way his lips parted and in the way an impression of longing had been lingering on his face the whole time.

And Eliott just kept touching his messy hair which was also defying gravity in this life. 21 years ago, Eliott fell in love with Lucas when he spotted him on the hallway of their college, running his fingers through his hair while biting his lips and working on some kind of project for his courses. Since this very faithful moment, he had been in love with Lucas’ messy hair and the way it also seemed to move in his eyes, making him look like some kind of puppy.

The attraction he felt towards Lucas in that moment when he was standing in front of him, the helmet in his hand with his hair messier than usual, was unbelievable.

But Eliott was afraid.

He was afraid of where all of this would led and he was afraid that he would disappoint Lucas, that he would fail like he did before. Lucas deserved only the best life possible and right now, where Eliott was so fucking close to get back together with the love of his life, he didn’t know if this was the right way to go.

A smile appeared on Eliott’s lips nevertheless as another thought came to the surface of his mind.

Because Lucas wanted it.

Lucas wanted to be with him, to kiss him, to touch him. And all of that made Eliott’s head spin with all the possibilities lying ahead of him.

And wasn’t this about Lucas and his decisions after all? Shouldn’t Eliott stop being so selfish, only thinking about what _he_ wants and start to think about what Lucas wants?

Before he could even continue to think about all of this, his phone vibrated, announcing a new incoming message. Eliott walked over to his bed, plopping himself down on it and letting his gaze wander over all the paintings and drawings which where connected to another part of his immortal life. His gaze lingered on one painting which showed Lucas asleep and a smile creeped onto Eliott’s lips. He always admired how beautiful Lucas looked asleep.

When he died, he also looked like this.

The smile disappeared as fast as it came, his thoughts getting darker and darker again.

Before Eliott could lost himself in regret and pain, he opened the message and found himself smiling yet again.

_This day is an emotional rollercoaster._

**lucallemant:** hey stranger

This started to get an insider between the two of them, huh? Eliott smirked and started to type an answer.

 **srodulv:** hey biker boy, got home safely?

 **lucallemant:** yup, without hurting a pole ;)

Eliott chuckled to himself, leaning back on the bed and holding the phone up over his face.

 **srodulv:** the poles from this world are not safe anymore when you’re on the street

 **lucallemant:** I’m their biggest nightmare

 **srodulv:** should I be scared now?

 **lucallemant:** if you’re a pole, then yes

Eliott huffed a laugh.

 **lucallemant:** and you should also be scared of you decline my invitation

Eliott froze with his childish laugh, frowning at the message of Lucas.

 **srodulv:** now I’m curious, what invitation?

 **lucallemant:** the invitation to the party from my dad for tomorrow night

The phone which Eliott was still holding above himself crashed into his face.

_Did he just—_

Eliott picked up the phone, rubbing over his face while doing so and kept staring at the message from Lucas.

 **srodulv:** are you fucking kidding me?

 **lucallemant:** why should I?

_Because you just asked me out for some fucking kind of date thing where your parents will be too?_

**srodulv:** idk, I just didn’t expect something like this

 **lucallemant:** it’s not the usual kind of party tho, everyone will come in suit and tie and when the formalities are over, the adults will drink even more than the teenagers

so it’s basically a very noble party with good alcohol for free

and I thought that you would maybe like to join me and my friends

idk maybe it was a dumb idea

Eliott couldn’t believe all of this. Lucas really just invited him to one of the big parties which were usually thrown by his dad once in a month. Only really special people were invited to this and Lucas accordingly thought of Eliott as special because otherwise he wouldn’t invite him.

 **lucallemant:** eliott?

Eliott didn’t even realize how long he had been staring at the opposite wall, thinking and thinking, one thought following the other. He nearly jumped as the phone in his hand vibrated again.

 **srodulv:** yeah, I’m here

 **lucallemant:** you can also just tell me if you don’t wanna come

 **srodulv:** no, sorry, I was just overwhelmed by your invitation

 **lucallemant:** so, you’ll come?

Eliott had to smile as he typed in his answer. It was apparently important for Lucas that Eliott came and he was very flattered by that.

 **srodulv:** how could I say no to my biker boy?

 **lucallemant:** ;)

 **srodulv:** but only if your friends won’t kill me right away

 **lucallemant:** I’ll tell them to wait till you are drunk

 **srodulv:** merci

 **lucallemant:** the least I could do

see you tomorrow, stranger

 **srodulv:** good night biker boy

Was this really happening? Would he really go on a party where only Lucas and his friends and some random people would be? Would he really have the chance to do a fucking slow dance with the love of his life? Would the fate really shine upon him this much? Would he really see Lucas in a suit with a tie, looking absolutely drop-dead beautiful?

He had to believe it.

And he had to get a fucking suit really, really quick.

He was jumping up from the bed, a grin still very present on his face as the door slammed against the wall while he was running out onto the hallway of their apartment.

“IDRISS!”

The whole house and every person passing by on the street were surely hearing Eliott now but he couldn’t care less. There were things who needed his attention more than some random people who thought him crazy. And maybe he was crazy after all: crazy in love.

“Fuck, dude, where are you?”

Eliott never realized that their apartment was that big. But maybe it was just supported by the fact that he couldn’t wait to tell Idriss about it all.

“What the fuck, man, did you burn down the kitchen again?”

“It was _one fucking time, okay?_ ”

Idriss was coming around the corner now, looking really sleepily while yawning quietly. He apparently just took a nap and Eliott woke him up but as said before: Eliott couldn’t care less. And he also couldn’t hide the grin on his lips.

“Oh, did I woke the princess?”

“Fucking hell, shut up”, said Idriss but a smile tugged onto his lips nevertheless.

“So, why did you woke me from my beautiful nap?”

And now, Eliott couldn’t hold himself back anymore.

“Okay, so I had a date with Lucas and we were at the coffee shop around the corner and Lucas was just about to tell me what he wanted but I just literally screamed into his face what he usually took, in his former life, and it was still right and he was confused and I wanted to slap myself and then he took me home on his bike and holy fuck, this boy looks _so hot_ and then I nearly kissed him but I couldn’t or I didn’t want to or, I don’t know, it just didn’t happen and I was afraid that Lucas thought I would reject him and now he messaged me and invited me for a party from his dad for tomorrow and I need a suit and a tie and oh my god, imagine Lucas with a suit, I mean—”

“ELIOTT!”

Eliott was out of breath by now, the need to get all of this out, to just tell someone about what happened, had been so overwhelming that the words didn’t stop spilling out from his mouth.

“Okay so”, said Idriss and took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second to gather all his thoughts and to process everything he heard, “You nearly kissed Lucas?”

“Yes.”

“And… you didn’t do it in the end? Although you had been waiting for this moment _19 fucking years_?”

“Y-Yes.”

Eliott threw his hands in the air now, suddenly feeling helpless and insecure again. Idriss also thought that he did the wrong thing and the opinion from his friend meant a lot to him. And now here he was, judging him for not taking that step. But something stopped him, Eliott didn’t even know what it was. Maybe it was some higher force or…

“I don’t know, man… It just didn’t feel right, you know? When I kiss him, it should be special and wonderful and perfect and…”

“Maybe this was the perfect moment for him.”

_It’s not about you, Eliott, it’s about him._

“Stop making me feel even worse, Idriss”, said Eliott now before he could think more about the missed chance which will maybe probably not come back again, crossing his arms in front of his chest, “And however: It is over now and he still wants to see me tomorrow.”

“In a suit.”

“Yes, in a suit.”

“And from where should we get a fucking suit now?”, asked Idriss, a grin starting to form on his lips.

Eliott laid his arm around Idriss’ shoulder, his smile brighter than the sun on the sky. He always knew that his best friend would always be there for him and always support him, no matter how crazy and stupid the idea might be. They had been through too much already to let the other down.

“Well, my princess”, started Eliott with a smile on his face, wriggling his eyebrows, “We’re now going on the hunt for exactly that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy this peace as long as it lasts - i warned you


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mental health

 

Lucas sometimes hated it to be the son of a famous politician, his every step being watched from some kind of media.

But on evenings like this, he enjoyed it.

The hall was big and full of people by now, the dinner part being already over and the first drinks were being served. Lucas was standing next to his parents for now, his hands buried into the pockets of his suit trousers, his tie already coming a bit loose from fumbling too much with it. He owned some suits and although he nearly always wore joggers and a sweatshirt, feeling comfortable with these kind of clothes the most, he also felt good in a good black suit from time to time.

Lucas was usually not the kind of son who was acting as a representative, smiling at strangers and shaking hands till his wrist was hurting. But he did it tonight because he knew what would come after it: The time of his life with his friends while all the adults were too drunk to even notice that the boys were drinking more and more of the fancy and expensive wine.

“Don’t exaggerate it today, young man”, said his mum now, leaning down to him so that the illustrious guest of his father wouldn’t hear her. And Lucas only smirked, laying a hand on the arm of his mum.

“I was not the one who danced on the tables on our last party”, said Lucas equally quiet and his mother huffed a laugh, slightly ruffling through his hair. He had a good relationship to his mum who always wanted the best for him. It was sometimes difficult, having over protective parents. But at least he had a family who loved him. And that was enough for him.

Lucas had been starting to look around for a few minutes now, searching. Usually he only waited desperately for his friends to arrive. But today… he waited for another person. Lucas ran a hand through his hair instinctively, plucking on his suit so it may look good.

He didn’t want to look for no one in particular, of course.

“When will your friends arrive, Lucas?”, asked his father now, turning his head into the direction of his son. Lucas jumped a bit, his dad pulling him out of his thoughts with his words. It wasn’t always easy with his dad, but since he lost control one time and Lucas did _not_ just stood by and watched the whole scene, he tried to behave. But since that faithful day, things had been… difficult between the two of them.

But Lucas wouldn’t do a thing differently.

He would always protect his mum, no matter what it would cost and if he had to hurt his own dad to do so.

“I think they have to come any minute by—”

“LULU!”

Lucas started to grin before turning around. Other guests were also turning around, shaking their heads at the three young adults doing weird dances in the entrance to the hall now, gaining every attention through that.

_Speaking of the devil…_

“Don’t blame me, Lucas”, said his father now seriously, a warning undertone in his voice. And Lucas only nodded, not wanting to talk with his father about his behavior just now.

“See you”, he said while kissing the cheek from his mum and rushing over to his friends who just entered the big hall.

“Hey, hey, hey”, said Lucas with a laugh and greeted all of them with their usual handshake. Yann, Arthur and Basile were wearing suits too, they would only stick out more than they already did otherwise and since they’ve been to countless parties of these kind before, they got used to looking all fancy.

“Thank you for inviting us”, said Arthur now and looked around, taking in the decorations and the snooty people who were already watching the young generation kind of annoyed.

“Am I imagining things or did they all got even more stuck-up?”

Lucas laughed and ran a hand through his hair, pulling his friends towards the bar where all of the alcohol already waited for them.

“Nope, you’re absolutely right. I would fucking die out of boredom if it wasn’t for you guys.”

“Always at your service, monsieur Lallemant”, said Yann now with a mocking bow and Lucas drove his elbow into the rips of the other one, making him double over with a laugh.

“You can be glad that I still invite you. That my parents still don’t have enough from you.”

“They can also be glad that some life comes in this funeral-like party”, said Basile now and wrinkled his nose while watching the old gentlemen and ladies.

They arrived in front of the bar now, Lucas leaning against the counter with a grin. All of them were now old enough that no one could tell them when to stop. And at parties like this, no one wanted to stop.

“Gentlemen, are you ready for a good party?”

Lucas was greeted with a loud howl before the first glasses were passed around and the party finally really started.

* * *

 

“I've invited Eliott.”

Lucas already lost count of how many glasses of wine they already had. He was not drunk yet, only the dull feeling inside his head was already there, blurring out the other people around him who were still looking at them with judgement in their eyes.

Lucas couldn’t care less.

The DJ finally started to put on some good music, Lucas and his friends being the first on the dance floor and the mood finally started to get a bit lighter, some adults already drunk as fuck. But Lucas wanted at least to stay a little bit sober. He couldn’t take his mind away from imagining Eliott in a suit. With his messy hair and his grey-blue eyes and they would maybe dance together and…

“You did _what_?!”

Yann was screaming loudly over the music, already a little tipsy while downing another glass of wine.

“I invited Eliott. He should be here any second from now on.”

“This is the worst idea you ever had”, slurred Basile, already being totally wasted. Lucas didn’t know how one could get so drunk in that little time. But Basile always surprised him again and again.

Lucas sighed deeply, leaning against the wall behind them. They were currently taking a break from dancing, Lucas’ hair already sticking slightly to his forehead and he drove his hands through them furiously. The bass was vibrating to his veins and Lucas was once again really fucking happy that his phonophobia was not triggered by loud music.

“You have no idea how he really is.”

“Enlighten us”, said Arthur now, raising his eyebrows in anticipation.

“He is cute and really gentle and we nearly kissed and…”

“Woah, woah, woah, hold on a second, lover boy”, said Yann now, his eyes widened in shock, “You nearly kissed him?!”

“That’s what I said.”

“God, Lulu, you’re hopelessly in love.”

Lucas froze, staring at Yann now.

“What?”

“You’re in love, Lulu. No warning from our side can help you anymore”, said Arthur dramatically, leaning against Yann as if he needed support because of all the _terrible_ things he just learned, “It’s helpless guys, we failed.”

Lucas rolled his eyes now at the dramatic shit Arthur was talking. Basile wasn’t even paying attention anymore, snatching the glass from Lucas’ and emptied it one go.

“Don’t be stupid. I am not—”

“Hey. I—"

Lucas swirled around and nearly stumbled over his own feet as he saw who was standing in front of him. Eliott stopped in his sentence, his lips slightly parting as he took Lucas in while his eyes seemed to widen more and more at the young man he saw in front of him.

“Hey”, said Lucas, clearing his throat now, his heart beating faster again. It became a habit now, it seemed.

_God, please, he didn’t overheard that conversation, didn’t he?_

But Eliott didn’t seem to care or to hear him or to even react at all.

“Fuck.”

Lucas frowned as this word escaped Eliott’s mouth, the word actually being a huff of breath. His gaze was now wandering from Lucas’ feet up to his legs, to his chest till Eliott found Lucas’ eyes again. Lucas was completely confused, looking down at himself now. Did Eliott think he looked ridiculous?

“Um…”

And the insecurity in Lucas’ voice seemed to snap Eliott out of whatever state he was currently in. He shook his head lightly, a smile appearing on his lips now.

“I—Sorry, I – I was elsewhere with my mind”, said Eliott now while biting his lips, still looking at Lucas with that expression in his eyes Lucas couldn’t quite name.

Lucas laughed a bit nervously, aware that all of his friends were watching them.

“I’m glad you came”, said Lucas now quietly, taking one step towards Eliott. The other boy looked down on Lucas, one of the most purest smiles Lucas had ever seen on his lips.

“How could I decline your invitation? Maybe I will end up like the pole in front of my house then.”

Lucas laughed quietly, producing a smile on Eliott’s lips with this too.

_Fuck, he looks absolutely beautiful._

Eliott was wearing a black suit with a burgundy tie, his hair as messy as usual. The suit looked like he was made exactly for him and Lucas didn’t had to take a look around to see that a lot of females in this room where staring at the beautiful boy in front of him.

“So… You already know my friends, right?”

Eliott nodded, smiling at all of them.

“So, to clarify some things: No, I’m not a vampire. Yes, I murdered half a dozen of people. No, I will not study my whole life on the college. And yes, I do care for Lucas and won’t kidnap him.”

Yann, Arthur and Basile were staring at him with an open mouth, Lucas looking absolutely shocked. The air between them was tight, the mood could switch to a very, very bad level in any second.

But suddenly, Yann laughed.

Lucas’ jaw dropped.

Yann was now taking a step towards Eliott, grinning at him and poking him in the chest.

“We only wanted to keep Lucas away from you because we thought you were creepy. Turns out that you’re even more creepy than we thought”, said Yann while laughing and handing Eliott a glass of wine, “Since it’s too late to keep our dreamer boy away from you, I will try to arrange myself with you and your given creepiness.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate that”, said Eliott with a grin on his lips.

And Lucas couldn’t quite believe what had just happened.

Did his friends suddenly start to _accept_ his crush out of nowhere? Did his friends suddenly accommodated Eliott into their gang?

Maybe it was only the influence of the alcohol, maybe it was the hot air inside the hall. But Arthur, Basile and Yann were suddenly gathering around Eliott, talking with him, laughing with him.

And Lucas was standing there, smiling like an idiot.

Because his friends finally seemed to understand what Lucas could see in Eliott what others couldn’t see.

“Well, after we all shared our deepest secrets and confessed our true love to each other”, started Arthur with a grin before lifting his glass, “It’s time to get this party _really_ started.”

And Lucas couldn’t help but join the others in their laughter

* * *

 

The alcohol level in the whole hall was rising with every second. A lot of the grown-ups already lost control, dancing the night away or embarrassing themselves in front of their oh-so-fancy friends. Tomorrow, the newspapers would be full with scandals and stories about this event and Lucas couldn’t wait to read all of them.

Right now, he was living his best life.

Yann, Arthur and Basile were already totally wasted, holding themselves up with the help from the others while trying to dance without falling down every second. Lucas couldn’t stop laughing at Basile trying to stand up from the floor, screaming for help from others while laughing so much that he was already crying. These were the moments you would never forget in your life.

Lucas wasn’t that drunk today.

But only to enjoy the moments he had with Eliott.

Eliott seemed to feel comfortable in their surroundings, dancing with his friends. The best thing on this evening were the little, nearly unintentional touches from Eliott. A hand on his waist, fingers brushing his own, his lips touching Lucas’ ears whenever he tried to say something to Lucas over the loud music. Lucas’ skin seemed to be alive even more whenever Eliott touched him and he came to a point, where everything he wanted was to be alone with Eliott.

“We’re gonna get some fresh air”, slurred Yann while holding Basile upright who looked like he was about to throw up.

“I think I might be sick”, murmured Basile and Lucas shooed all of them out, telling them to get the hell out of here and to throw up outside. His parents would never forgive them if one of his friends threw up in the hall and to be honest, Lucas could understand their anger.

“Don’t forget to hold Basile’s hair out of his face, okay?”, said Lucas laughing while Arthur dismissed him lazily, being the one who was still a tiny bit the master over his own senses.

“Try not to make out that much, there will be enough pictures of you getting wasted in the social media channels already without you sticking your tongue into a pretty boy”, called Arthur and followed Yann and Basile out of the hall. And Lucas was glad that it was too dark for Eliott to see him blushing.

Eliott didn’t seem to be embarrassed at all, laughing and looking after the boys who were stumbling out of the hall.

“I like your friends.”

“Yeah? I hate them sometimes”, said Lucas with a tiny laugh, suddenly being all nervous.

“Who doesn’t”, said Eliott with a wink and Lucas could feel his knees getting weak at that. Suddenly, the music changed from an up-beat song to a slow ballade. And Lucas could feel his heart beating frantically in his chest. Eliott was taking a step closer to him, now laying his hand on Lucas’ waist and pulling him to him with that. Lucas gasped silently, laying his hands on the broad chest of Eliott while his mouth was getting dry. Lucas felt like he totally sobered up, taking everything in with every sense of his being.

“May I ask for this dance, monsieur Lallemant?”

“You may”, whispered Lucas.

And then, they danced.

Lucas felt like he belonged here. In Eliott’s arms. Like he always belonged there. Their bodies seemed to become one, the both of them swaying lightly on their feet while the music wrapped itself around them. Lucas couldn’t stop staring into Eliott’s eyes, some kind of fire dancing in them. The blue light from the spotlights made his eyes look even more intense, making his jawbones and cheekbones standing out.

“You look good tonight”, murmured Eliott after a while, his thumb rubbing little circles over Lucas’ waist.

“You do too.”

“I only bought this suit for you. I wanted to look decent next to you.”

“You look way more better than me”, said Lucas with a quiet laugh, shifting even closer to Eliott. He couldn’t get enough of the other one being close to him, the feeling being more intense than any high he got from any drug.

“I personally don’t think so.”

Lucas smiled at that because he just felt that Eliott meant this in the most honest way ever. And he felt flattered. Desirable. Good. Perfect.

Lucas closed his eyes now, laying his cheek against Eliott’s shoulder, breathing the other one in. Eliott laid an arm around Lucas now, pulling him even closer and Lucas couldn’t be happier in this moment.

But suddenly, the music changed again to a faster song, the beautiful moment over way too soon. They stopped with their swaying, standing like this for some more moments before Eliott broke apart from Lucas.

“I’m gonna get us something to drink, okay?”

Lucas nodded with a smile. “Okay.”

“Don’t run away, biker boy.”

Lucas laughed silently at this, stretching his arms wide as Eliott was backing away from him, his eyes never leaving his face.

“I’m gonna stay right here.”

Eliott laughed his beautiful laugh and turned around now, disappearing in the crowd of dancing people. Lucas smiled to himself, being all happy.

Being all happy and in love.

_Fuck, did I really feel in love with that artist boy…?_

No one ever made him feel the things Eliot made him feel. The blind trust, the feeling of being at home whenever he was with him, this deep connection which was there before they even had one proper talk and…

_Boom._

And suddenly, the mood shifted.

Lucas jumped at that explosive noise, the tiny hair on his neck rising as his heart started to beat painfully fast against his ribcage.

_What the fuck is happening?_

_Boom._

“He has a gun!”

And with that, panic was starting to spread like a fire under the dancing people. Screams erupted from several places in the hall while people started to run away, tripping over their own feet and Lucas felt the panic inside him rising uncontrollable.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuc—_

Another loud noise made him go into a crouch, pressing his hands over his ears instead of running to the nearest entrance. Lucas was paralyzed with fear, his phonophobia followed by a panic attack hitting in really fucking hard.

_This is not happening, this is not happening…_

His eyes were darting around the room. He had to get out of here. Lucas was slowly getting up again, taking some steps on his own but people were not paying attention for others anymore – they only wanted to save themselves now, the need to get out of the danger being so high that they didn’t realize Lucas trying to fight his way through all of this.

_Help._

He couldn’t even open his mouth anymore. Lucas was breathing heavily by now, panting, hyperventilating.

_Too loud, too loud, too—_

Someone was bumping into him and Lucas, being already a little drunk and paralyzed from his fear, lost his footing and went down on the floor.

And people didn’t seem to see him. No one tried to help him up, no one even tried to get out of his way. They kept literally walking over him, Lucas having no chance to get up again.

_Boom._

Someone was shooting. Again and again and again.

People would die tonight.

His parents.

Yann, Arthur, Basile.

Eliott.

_Eliott._

Lucas pressed his palms to his ears now, trying to block out the noises and to calm the fuck down again while he was being hit by several feet, the guest from his father’s party trying desperately to get out of here. Tears were streaming down his face and his mouth opened in a silent scream.

Lucas was so afraid like he never was before in his life.

_I’m dying without having kissed him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you made it till here: thank you for riding with annie's emotional roller coaster


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.  
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.  
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mental health, death

Eliott had just grabbed the glasses for Lucas and himself as the shooting began. The glass fell from his hands, shattering onto the floor in thousand pieces but he didn’t care. Because there was only thought racing around in Eliott’s head right now:

_Lucas, Lucas, Lucas._

He was immediately transported back to another situation with another shooting and the panic rising in his throat seemed to strangle him, preventing Eliott from breathing properly.

_Now is not the time for a panic attack. Find Lucas, bring him out of here. Go._

His heart was beating painfully against his ribs as he started to make his way back towards the place where he left Lucas.

Well, at least he tried.

Hundreds of people were walking in the exact opposite direction of Eliott, making it difficult for him to even take one step after the other. They were slamming into him and screaming in panic and trying to get past Eliott towards to entrance. Eliott could feel his temper rising as he started to push the people out of his space, everything in him wanting to make sure that Lucas was okay.

He couldn’t fail another time. He would never forgive himself again if something would happen to Lucas just now.

_Boom._

The screams were getting louder, the panic thicker and Eliott went instantly after the shot into a crouch with all the others, his arms folded over his head to protect himself. As the first people were slowly rising again, tripping over their own feet to get out of here as fast as possible, Eliott started to run around, searching for a small boy with beautiful, blue eyes.

_God, please let him be safe._

Eliott’s fear started to take over his whole body. He didn’t fear for himself, he was immortal, only a shot directly into his heart could kill him. But even if he would be mortal, he would fear way more for the other boy, for the love of his life.

“Lucas?”

He tried to scream over all the voices, over all the mess. He was starting to shake, driving his hands nervously through his hair while pulling at the strands, turning around himself to get some kind of orientation. He was standing in the middle of all the people pushing and running and trying desperately to get out of here.

“Fuck, Lucas!”

Sweat was running down his back now, the fear making his vision blur.

_He’s not here. He’s dead. He’s not here. He’s dead. He’s—_

And suddenly, he was stumbling over something.

Not, not something.

_Someone._

“Fuck, Lucas, we need to get out of here.”

Eliott was falling down on his knees now, next to a shaking Lucas who was pressing his hands to his ears, his mouth opened in a silent scream and his cheeks wet from crying. He looked absolutely terrified.

Lucas didn’t even seem to realize that Eliott was next to him, so Eliott laid an arm around him and just pulled him up with all the strength he had left. Eliott dragged Lucas with him, hiding behind a corner now so they were out of sight for anyone. This seemed to rip Lucas out of his trance, his eyes darting around in panic and finally focusing on Eliott in the end.

“Eliott”, he breathed quietly and more tears were running down his cheeks now, something like relief in his expression, “I thought… I thought that—”

“Shhh, it’s okay”, Eliott said and just pulled Lucas to him, pressing the smaller boy to his chest. Lucas was burying his head into Eliott’s chest, still shaking uncontrollable and Eliott realized once again that this boy was his world and that he would do _everything_ to keep him safe.

“Don’t leave me alone”, whispered Lucas now with a broken voice, his voice muffled by the fabric of Eliott’s suit. And Eliott only wrapped his arm tighter around Lucas.

“I’ll never leave you again. I promise.”

And he would hold this promise.

_Boom._

A collective scream erupted from the panicked crowd, Lucas jumping so much in Eliott’s arms that Eliott feared for Lucas’ health right now. The other boy was breathing too hard, nearly on the edge of hyperventilating.

They needed to get the fuck out of here.

Eliott’s eyes were scanning the room for any signs of an attacker, scanning the whole situation. But he couldn’t stay focused, his mind always wandering off.

_Fuck, pull yourself together._

“Okay Lucas, we need to get out of here”, Eliott said now, lifting Lucas’ head by laying a finger on his chin. Lucas’ eyes were pressed close while he was apparently fighting with himself from the inside, still shaking so fucking much.

“Lucas, look at me.”

“I don’t wanna die here. I don’t—”

“Lucas.”

Lucas opened his eyes slowly now as Eliott said his name with a louder voice. Eliott looked straight into his eyes, holding his gaze and not taking it away for any second.

“Can you walk?”

Lucas only nodded.

“But… But the exit… it’s clogged”, said Lucas, his voice now breaking because he thought of all of this as hopeless. No one knew where the shooter currently was and the feeling of staying with this murderer in one room, especially with Lucas at his side, made Eliott sick. He took a deep breath. One, two. And then, his eyes found a door. A little door which maybe was their escape.

“Okay, Lucas. You see that door there? On three, we’re running to it as fast as we can, okay?”

Lucas started to shake his head. “Eliott, I cannot—”

“Oh, you can.”

Lucas blinked, breathing heavily for some seconds before finally nodding.

Eliott took Lucas by his hand, giving it an reassuring squeeze.

“One…”

Eliott spotted someone on the floor, bleeding.

“Two…”

Somewhere, someone sobbed.

“Three.”

And Eliott ran as fast as his feet could carry him, never letting go of Lucas’ hand. These seconds, where everyone could see them and they were an easy target, were the longest seconds in Eliott’s immortal life.

Eliott and Lucas nearly slammed against the door with their bodies, Eliott fumbling for the doorknob before both of them were literally falling forward into darkness, Lucas landing on his knees while Eliott slammed the door shut behind them, locking it.

The sounds and the panic were suddenly all blocked out by the door between them and the only sound which could be heard was Eliott’s and Lucas’ heavy breathing. They were in some kind of hallway, Eliott looking around for an escape route.

Too many doors, too many possible wrong ways.

Eliott’s gaze landed on a window, moonlight spilling in through it into a pool on the floor where Lucas’ was still laying.

_Bingo._

Lucas was staring into the void and before Eliott could think too much about what could have happened in these seconds where they were totally exposed to everyone, what could have happened in these fucking minutes where Lucas was sitting on that floor, crying, he kneeled down next to him.

“We’re not save yet”, he said quietly, trying to sound strong and all, “If we’re climbing through that window, we have a good chance of getting out of here.”

“My parents… Yann…”

“They are okay. Hey, Lucas. Look at me.”

Lucas was turning his head now, shaking it while tears were still spilling down his cheeks.

“I don’t know… I don’t know why my body is reacting that way. I don’t know—”

“Hey.” Eliott took his face now into both of his hands, holding it carefully as if Lucas could break any moment from now on, “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’re in this together and I will _not_ leave you alone. I promise.”

Lucas was taking Eliott’s hand now, a smile fighting its way onto his face.

“Ready?”, asked Eliott after a while of them sitting in silence like that, just comforting the other one with their presence.

“Ready.”

And after squeezing themselves through that tiny window, they were finally out of that house. They didn’t spend much time on their victory of getting out: Eliott took Lucas’ hand and they ran. They ran through the night, away from all of that, till Lucas was nearly collapsing, Eliott leaning against the wall of some random building while heavily breathing.

“I think we’re far enough away now”, Eliott said quietly while staring at the opposite brick wall, Lucas sliding down the wall next to him, crouching on the ground. Eliott sat down next to him, his head resting against the wall behind them and the adrenaline finally left his body, leaving him with a fucking tired feeling that made him shake.

“My parents and friends are save”, said Lucas suddenly out of nowhere, Eliott turning his head around to him. He didn’t even realize that Lucas took out his phone but something of the tension and fear seemed to leave the other boy’s body.

Lucas was safe.

And that was all that mattered.

“That’s good”, said Eliott, trying to smile for Lucas. But Lucas only looked at him with this big blue eyes, his face slightly swollen because of his tears.

“Thank you”, said Lucas after some moments passed, still looking at Eliott.

“It was the least I could do.”

“You could have just saved your own ass like all the others did.”

“And leaving you there, knowing that you’re alone? Never.”

Lucas watched Eliott for some more moments before suddenly resting his head onto Eliott’s shoulder. And now, a real smile could be seen on Eliott’s face, both of them still panting from their run through the darkness.

“Can I stay with you tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”

Eliott nearly jumped at these words, his heart surely beating way too fast. Lucas’ words were only a quiet whisper and someone else might not have gotten them. But Eliott understood every single word.

And Eliott smiled, his hand reaching for Lucas’ own before they were intervening their fingers, both of them just being happy and tired and still paralyzed with fear from an evening which started so good and ended in a horror scenario.

“Always”, whispered Eliott in the depth of night. And he could swear that Lucas was finally smiling again.

* * *

 

“Do you need something to sleep? A shirt or…?”

Lucas stood in the middle of Eliott’s room, rubbing his arms slowly while watching Eliott going to a cupboard. He was still slightly shaking, his mind racing with thoughts.

_I could have been dead by now._

_He could have been dead._

_He came back._

_He saved my life._

Lucas couldn’t form the right words to tell Eliott how thankful he was. And how glad he was that the other boy was okay. This night started so well, Lucas feeling alive and happy and absolutely good in the company of his friends and in the arms of his crush.

But it ended in an entirely different way.

Lucas asked himself for the thousandth time what this shooting was about. Who was supposed to be the target? But all that mattered now was that his parents were okay and his friends were save too. Lucas told all of them that he would spent the night at Eliott’s, feeling the most safe in his company right now.

“Lucas?”

Lucas jumped slightly as Eliott addressed him with a soft voice again. And Lucas only nodded, taking a deep breath to gather his thoughts and to pull himself out of that trance.

“A shirt would be nice, yes”, he said quietly and the feeling of being wrapped into the scent of Eliott for the whole night made him relax his shoulders a bit, the tension slowly fading away.

_You’re okay. He’s okay. It’s gonna be okay._

“Here you go, biker boy”, said Eliott quietly while handing Lucas’ a shirt. Lucas would basically swim in this one but he didn’t plan on giving it back to Eliott anytime soon. Or at all. Lucas literally clutched it to his chest after he took it from Eliott, feeling the smile of Eliott on him while doing so.

“The bathroom is down the hallway the second door.”

“Thank you, Eliott”, said Lucas quietly and didn’t mean the shirt with it. But Eliott only nodded, brushing a strand of hair out of Lucas’ eyes.

“My pleasure, monsieur Lallemant.”

Eliott always managed to put a smile on Lucas’ face, no matter how fucking miserable he felt.

Lucas went into the bathroom, splashed some ice cold water into his face and looked at himself in the mirror. His big, blue eyes were swollen red, seeming too big for Lucas’ face right now and the horror of that night was still written all over his face. He could still hear the shots and the screams and—

_Chill. It’s okay. You’re safe._

Eliott’s shirt was _way_ too wide and Lucas kind of looked ridiculous in it, the shirt nearly going down to his knees. But because of that, he could only wear his boxers. He wrapped his arms around himself, trying to find some sort of comfort in wearing Eliott’s shirt and letting the scent of the other boy wrapping itself around Lucas.

_Breathe._

Eliott froze as he saw Lucas in his shirt, some sparkles shining in his eyes as if Lucas would wear the most beautiful clothes in this world. Eliott was only wearing a shirt and boxers and Lucas’ gaze wandered from Eliott’s bare legs up to his face. He felt something stirring inside of him at the sight of Eliott being half-naked, his mind wandering off to a completely different place now.

“You’re looking cute in my clothes, it suits you.”

“I look ridiculous.”

Eliott smirked.

“I don’t think so.”

“Where are you going?”, asked Lucas with a frown as he saw that Eliott gathered a pillow and a blanket.

“I’m taking the couch and you can take my bed. It’s no problem for me.”

“Eliott, no, I cannot—”

“It’s no problem for me Lucas, okay? And you clearly need some rest”, said Eliott and Lucas couldn’t believe how anyone could think of Eliott in some sort of negative way. He was literally an angel on earth and Lucas couldn’t believe that he found this boy in this lifetime and not in another.

_Are you sure that this is the first lifetime together with him?_

“If you need anything, I’ll just be done the hallway.”

Lucas nodded, Eliott dragging him out of his thoughts with that and before Lucas could open his mouth to say something else in this case, the other boy was gone and Lucas was alone. Standing in the middle of the room again for some seconds, Lucas finally crawled hesitantly into Eliott’s bed, burying his nose into the pillow of Eliott and taking a deep breath. The familiar and yet strange scent was filling up his sense, blocking out some of the unwanted thoughts. He snuggled into the blankets, closing his eyes and wondering, if he would ever fall asleep after all of this happened.

It only took some minutes till his mind finally seemed to rest.

* * *

 

_“Lucas! Oh god, Lucas! Stay. Stay with me.”_

_Someone was holding him._

_There was blood. Warm, thick blood._

_He was in pain._

_So much fucking pain._

_Darkness._

_“Please, don’t leave me. Not like this.”_

_Lucas tried to hold open his eyes, he really did. And he tried to fight. He could hear sirens in the distance, announcing that help would be there soon. But he didn’t know where he was nor what happened. He only knew that he was in pain and that he was not alone._

_And that it would be over soon._

_He promised to never leave Lucas alone._

_“Lucas, look at me. Don’t close your eyes.”_

_He tried to._

_He really did._

_But then…_

_Darkness._

_“Lucas!”_

_Someone screamed at him and he just wanted some fucking peace, some fucking rest. But something tied him to the living, something that he didn’t want to give up. Something worth fighting for._

_He felt a hand on his cheek. His breathing slowed down._

_“I will never forget you. And I will find you again. I promise.”_

_Lucas smiled. Sadly._

_His heart stopped beating._

* * *

 

Lucas jolted up from his sleep, a scream fighting its up his throat but he could slam a hand over of his mouth before the scream actually erupted from him. Lucas looked around in panic, his heart beating way too fast and at first, he didn’t know where he was and what happened and how he got here.

But then, the memories kicked in.

_It was a dream. Only a dream. You’re safe._

Lucas started to scan his body unconsciously for any wounds, the feeling of being in pain still so present that he couldn’t breath properly. But it really was just a dream, a nightmare nothing less and nothing more.

_Since when do nightmares feel so fucking real?_

For the next minutes, Lucas tried to calm down, he really did. He took deep breaths, he tried to think of happier times, he even closed his eyes and tried to sleep again. But whenever he did so, the fear of the former dream continuing made him restless.

Before Lucas could even think, he found himself on the hallway, walking silently on naked feet towards the living room. He didn’t want to be alone. He _couldn’t_ be alone right now and he hated himself for being so weak at the moment.

But sometimes, the greatest strength was to admit your weakness.

When Lucas spotted Eliott on the couch, his breathing suddenly went kind of normal again. He was still surprised what an effect the other boy had on him, that he could nearly take away all of the bad feelings and turn them into positive ones or at least neutral ones.

And that was exactly what he needed right now.

He sneaked up to Eliott who laid with his back to him, a blanket careless thrown over him and wow, he was _way_ too big for that couch, his feet dangling from the edge. The moonlight was spilling in through the window, making him look even more beautiful than he already was.

There wasn’t enough space at all for the two of them, there wasn’t even enough space for one.

But Lucas didn’t care.

Before he could overthink all of this, he was already climbing onto that couch, slowly sliding into the tiny, little space between the couch and Eliott’s body. He felt Eliott awakening with a jolt, opening his eyes sleepily.

“Hey…”

His voice was hoarse and Lucas was afraid that Eliott would just tell him to get the fuck back to sleep.

“You cannot sleep?”

“Yeah”, whispered Lucas quietly, looking into Eliott’s eyes while literally being pressed to his body. He waited. Waited for Eliott to ask him for some kind of explanation why he couldn’t sleep or what happened or—

“Come here.”

And suddenly, Eliott was wrapping his arms around Lucas, pulling him into his embrace and even closer to his own body.

And Lucas…

Lucas felt safe.

The world might be cruel out there and there might be things Lucas couldn’t understand. And there also might be things Lucas would never forget, the pictures of tonight probably hunting him in his sleep forever.

But right then, in Eliott’s arms, feeling safe and _loved_ … he nearly could forget all of this for some precious hours.

Lucas closed his eyes, snuggling into the warm body from Eliott and finally fell into a dreamless sleep, Eliott protecting him from the nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you're welcome for all the feels, let it all out in the comments, i Gotcha


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

When Lucas finally woke up again, he was alone, wrapped tightly in a blanket which faintly smelled of something familiar and was still warm from another body. As Lucas opened his eyes slowly, the memories of the past night came rushing in so fast and heavy, that he shut his eyes tight again, wanting to treasure this moment of peace while being wrapped into Eliott’s blanket and his scent in general.

Eliott didn’t ask any question as Lucas just cuddled into him.

He was just there, taking care of Lucas and chasing away the nightmares with his tight embrace.

_How the fuck am I supposed to sleep alone again after this?_

Eventually, Lucas opened his eyes again, the sun already high in the sky. It had to be around noon and his phone was probably blowing up with notifications and new messages by now. But all he cared for right now was where Eliott was and why fate decided it wasn’t suitable for Lucas to wake up next to him.

Suddenly, Lucas heard some sort of music from the kitchen.

If you could even call this _noise_ music.

He stood up, wrapping the blanket around himself and walked slowly through the hallway towards the kitchen, the music getting louder with every step he took.

And when he arrived at the doorstep of the kitchen, a wide and bright smile was spreading over Lucas’ face.

Eliott was making breakfast.

Well, at least he tried.

The toast he saw on the counter was burnt and the egg in the pan didn’t look so well either. But that was not the thing that made Lucas smile in the first place.

No, it was the way Eliott made breakfast.

He made breakfast while dancing around the whole room. He was so into the music, which Lucas now recognized as some kind of Dubstep, that he didn’t even realize Lucas standing there, watching the other boy swirl around to the steady beat, having a good time by himself. A smile was on Eliott’s face, silently mouthing the sounds with his mouth along with the music. He was still only wearing these boxers and this shirt and damn, was it even allowed to look that good? His hair was sticking out all around his head and Lucas couldn’t even remember a moment which made him smile this much, which made his insides warming up this much.

Lucas slightly shivered.

If someone would ask Lucas when he fell for Eliott, he would always recall this very moment where he was sure that he was in love with Eliott Demaury.

“You listen to Dubstep?”, asked Lucas a little bit loudly over the music, chuckling quietly as he Eliott swirled around and nearly stumbled over his own feet as he saw Lucas standing in the doorway. Eliott turned down the volume immediately, his cheeks surprisingly starting to redden.

_Gosh, this is so fucking cute._

“How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to recognize your fine dancing skills.”

Eliott and Lucas laughed unison and Eliott took some steps towards Lucas, looking down on him as he was standing in front of him. If he was kind of embarrassed because they literally cuddled all night long without a real reason to do so, he didn’t show it and Lucas was very grateful for that.

“How are you feeling?”, asked Eliott quietly and the kindness in his voice and the way he looked down at Lucas, made Lucas feel all the things.

“Better, I guess.”

“Good”, said Eliott and the smile on the other boy’s face made Lucas smile too. The events from the past night were quite distant by now, everything that happened seemed like some bad dream or something from a movie. And Lucas didn’t want to continue thinking about it anymore – he had other things to think about, positive things. Like Eliott.

“Would you like to have some breakfast? I—”

Eliott turned around and froze as he saw the “mess” he made with the burned toast and the weird-looking scrambled eggs in the pan which were slowly but surely starting to have some kind of black color too.

Eliott sighed dramatically and Lucas huffed a laugh.

“I really wanted to be a gentleman and make some breakfast for you. But the last time I properly cooked, I burnt the kitchen down.”

Lucas was really holding himself back to not laugh out loud.

“I appreciate your effort”, said Lucas with a grin on his lips and laid a hand on Eliott’s arm. And Eliott smiled this beautiful smile again which made his knees go weak. Suddenly, Lucas’ phone ringed with a new message. He left it on the hallway last night and got it from there before returning to Eliott. He sighed deeply after reading the message.

“My dad wants me to come home now”, said Lucas quietly and gave Eliott an apologetic look. But Eliott only nodded, looking over his shoulder.

“Perfect excuse to flee from my delicious breakfast.”

Lucas halted and started to protest but Eliott only laughed, silencing him with that.

“I’m joking. Of course your parents want to see you.”

“I’m sorry…”

Eliott shook his head.

“Don’t be.”

“I…” Lucas didn’t know how to start.

“I just want to thank you. Again. For everything”, Lucas said quietly, quiet satisfied with his words but it still wasn’t enough.

“I would always do it like that again”, said Eliott with a serious voice, Lucas believing him every word and his heart was beating faster at that. Eliott was still taking another step towards Lucas, the scent of him and the presence of his body so close to his own making Lucas go dizzy.

“I don’t regret any decision. I don’t regret coming to that party, I don’t regret drinking with your friends, I don’t regret dancing with you and I don’t regret staying behind to get you and to hold you while you were sleeping. So don’t think that I only did it because I thought you wanted me to. I did because _I_ wanted to do it.”

Lucas couldn’t say anything at all. He was speechless. A very rare occasion, to be honest.

And before he could overthink it, he was standing in Eliott’s arm, hugging him and snuggling into his chest. It felt right at that very moment. It felt right because Eliott apparently was feeling familiar things when being around Lucas. It felt right because Lucas felt safe in his arms, words not being enough of how thankful he was for the very fact that he came into his life like some kind of thunderstorm. Eliott didn’t wait a single second before laying his arms around Lucas.

_Don’t make me fall even harder for you than I already did, Eliott._

But it was too late for Lucas anyway.

* * *

The next days passed and Lucas was under _really_ high protection.

His parents didn’t allow him to leave the house after it went dark, at least not alone. His parents, and also Lucas, were still slightly shocked about everything that happened. Lucas actually wanted to talk with them about the attack, discussing how what they should do now or how they could prevent something like this from happening again. But his parents kept their opinions and their words to themselves, processing the events on their own. Their only reaction was to keep an eye on Lucas the whole time, forbidding to go out at night without even telling him what they knew of this attack. So he also kept his feelings to himself too, only talking with his friends about the events.

But no one was there with them as Lucas lost it, panic so intense in his body, that he couldn’t even breath for some minutes. No one understood what had happened back there.

No one but Eliott.

He really wanted to see Eliott, to talk with him. He wanted to be in his arms again and feel as safe as he felt back then on the couch with only an inch between the two of them. He wanted to see him dancing to this dumb dubstep music again and he wanted to hold his hand, their fingers fitting together perfectly.

But instead of messaging Eliott, Lucas kept dreaming about leaving his golden castle for one night, spending time with Eliott. All of that while being too afraid to message the other boy because he didn’t want to be some kind of annoying.

 **y4z4s:** anyone up for drinking some beers at my place?

 **basile_simple:** when where how

 **monvoisintuturo:** you could at least try to hide your excitement, bas

Lucas was laying in his bed, his usual place since that mess happened, staring at his screen and the messages from his group chat. He sighed deeply as he typed a reply, desperately wishing that his parents wouldn’t occupy him 24/7. Sneaking out had been easy in the past, but it was unthinkable right now.

 **lucallemant:** I’m still under protection

 **y4z4s:** oh c’mon lulu, it’s been a week

 **lucallemant:** tell this to my parents, yann

 **basile_simple:** mec, we’ll drink a beer for you

 **lucallemant:** how heroic of you, basile

 **monvoisintuturo:** another topic: has eliott messaged you recently?

Lucas looked up from his phone. Since he told his friends that Eliott kind of saved his life, they literally formed an “Eliott-Demaury-Fanclub” and under different circumstances, Lucas being more than a friend for Eliott, he would be very happy about all of this and the acceptance his friends finally had for Eliott. But Lucas was still not sure about Eliott’s feelings towards him, afraid, that he misinterpreted the signs between them, that he interpreted too much in all of this. His friends, on the contrary, were one hundred percent sure, that Eliott was totally into Lucas. And Lucas secretly hoped, that they were right.

 **lucallemant:** nope

 **monvoisintuturo:** have YOU messaged him?

 **lucallemant:** nope again

 **basile_simple:** lulu, you should definitely message him and ask him out. he’s probably losing his mind because he’s missing his bby

 **lucallemant:** and then he can save me from my lonely tower or what? I’m still not allowed to leave the house, if you forgot about that

 **y4z4s:** then you need to find another way

Suddenly, his phone vibrated with another message and his heart stopped to beat for a moment.

 **lucallemant:** he just sent me a message

 **basile_simple:** HA THE LOVE MASTER WAS RIGHT AGAIN

 **monvoisintuturo:** what did he wrote?

 **y4z4s:** aw, eli misses his boy

_I think it was better when they hated him._

**lucallemant:** I’m gonna update you later

 **basile_simple:** GO GET YOUR BOY

Lucas took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second before opening the message from Eliott. This boy had such a strong effect on him, it was not even normal anymore.

 **srodulv:** hey biker boy ;)

 **lucallemant:** hey hero

 **srodulv:** oh, from stranger to hero, that’s what I call development

Lucas quietly chuckled to himself. The sun was slowly setting and another days was over where he just sat around in his room, his only adventure the way from his room to the fridge and back.

 **srodulv:** you up for an adventure with your hero?

 **lucallemant:** an adventure?

 **srodulv:** I would like to kidnap you

 **lucallemant:** I actually have enough from these kind of adventures

 **srodulv:** come on, it will be fun – you’ll love it

Time with him alone. Something like a date. Only Eliott and him.

_This is what dreams are made of._

But then Lucas remembered some tiny, little problem.

 **lucallemant:** my parents forbit me to leave the house at night because of reasons you know

 **srodulv:** oh

Lucas never thought that you could feel so many emotions through only one word.

 **srodulv:** can’t you sneak out?

 **lucallemant:** they’ll know

 **srodulv:** you are surely not allowed to be out at night ALONE, right?

 **lucallemant:** yeah, why?

 **srodulv:** because when I’m picking you up from your house, you won’t be out alone

Lucas had to grin. Eliott was right – Lucas could just bent the rules a little bit.

_This could actually work._

**lucallemant:** when will you be here?

 **srodulv:** look outside

Lucas frowned, nearly falling out of his bed while trying to get to his window as fast as possible. As he drew the curtains aside, his jaw literally dropped. There was a car in front of his house and a tall and slender figure was leaning against it, the hood hiding his messy hair but not the grin on his lips as he looked up to Lucas now, the light from his phone screen illuminating his face.

And Lucas was grinning now too.

 **lucallemant:** how did you know I wouldn’t say no?

 **srodulv:** I just hoped so

 **lucallemant:** I’ll be there in a second

Lucas never got dressed this quickly, throwing his _Romance_ hoodie over himself and nearly tripping over his feet, as he made his way over to his own balcony. He usually never sneaked out this way but drastic times asked for drastic measures. He took a deep breath, aware, that Eliott was watching him the whole time, while Lucas started to climb down the ivory twine which was thankfully all over the façade of his whole house. He surprisingly didn’t had any difficulties getting down, the adrenaline rushing through his veins by the thought of being alone with Eliott. He jumped down the last few meters and suddenly felt hands on his waist, catching him slightly.

Lucas’ heart skipped a beat as he turned around, taking in Eliott who looked fucking hot again.

_Is it even allowed to look this good?_

“Are you ready for our little adventure?”, asked Eliott quietly into the tiny space between the two of them. And Lucas could only nod, a smile slowly spreading over his whole face.

“Let’s go.”

* * *

“No fucking way, Eliott Demaury.”

“Oh c’mon Lucas, it’s gonna be a lot of fun. You’ll love it.”

“Now I know how you murder people – you’re bringing them here and then they kill themselves by accident.”

“You can really be a dramatic little bitch.”

Lucas huffed a laugh while staring at the roller skate track in front of him, the music loud and the people dancing on while driving round after round on their roller skates. But Lucas had no fucking clue how to stand on these things, which were dangling from his hands, in the first place. He had to admit that he always wanted to try it, being a sucker for adrenaline and for everything connected to speed. But Eliott couldn’t possible know this and Lucas never tried it at all so…

“I’ll hold you, I promise.”

Lucas sighed and turned his head to Eliott who was grinning at him with light in his eyes.

_The fucker knows which strings to pull._

“Okay”, said Lucas now with a resigned sigh, “Okay. I’ll do it.”

Lucas was not sure if he imagined it but it looked like Eliott made a little jump, excitement really clear on his face. And it made Lucas’ heart skip a beat to see the other boy so happy.

Lucas pulled on the shoes, Eliott being way quicker and it took him _a lot_ of time to even stand up from his sitting position these devils on his feet. He slowly made his way to the entrance of the track, Eliott holding his hand the whole time while being fucking graceful on his roller skates as if he was born with them. And Lucas must have looked like a little kid who just tried to walk for the first time next to him.

Lucas stood at the entrance of the track for some seconds, his heart beating fast as he saw all the people rushing past them, being all safe on their roller skates.

“Eliott, I cannot—”

“You can. Trust me. I’ll catch you.”

Lucas looked over to Eliott now and the reassuring look in his eyes made him brave, made him sure that this was going to end well.

And after Lucas took a deep breath, Eliott was slowly pulling him onto the track, clutching his hand the whole time.

The first few meters were hell for Lucas. He had the feeling to fall down at any moment and he probably would have been on the ground numerous times by now if Eliott hadn’t been there. But he was. And he never let go of Lucas’ hand, speaking reassuring words and encouraging Lucas to keep going. He was very gentle, maneuvering him through the crowd of people having fun on the tracks. But for Lucas, it was like they were alone in this hall, just the two of them, feeling safe around the other one.

“Lucas?”

“Hmm?”

“You’re driving on your own.”

“What?!”

Lucas hadn’t realized that Eliott had let go of his hand after some time, Lucas moving on his own, driving on the roller skates and with the flow of the other people. And Eliott was driving next to him, a big smile on his face and something like pride in his gaze. And Lucas felt like cheering.

But his sudden mood change weren’t that good for his balance.

“Eliott!”

Lucas lost balance, stumbling as he tried to gain it back but he couldn’t find it anymore and was about to fall down backwards. But Eliott was there, again, catching him and holding him gently but tightly in his arms, making sure that he was okay with one quick glance over his body. The music was loud, the beat throbbing in Lucas’ head but he could still hear his rapid heartbeat over all the noise, looking straight into Eliott’s eyes.

“Should we quit for today?”, asked Eliott gently, his gaze all soft.

And Lucas started to grin, shaking his head.

“I ‘m just getting started.”

* * *

“This was fucking amazing”, said Lucas with a laugh, his hands buried into the pockets of his hoodie. They had spent several hours in the roller skate hall and Lucas nearly forgot the time and everything around him, like he always did when he was with Eliott. They were on their way back to Eliott’s car now, the moon high on the sky, shining down on them.

Eliott laughed his beautiful laugh, making Lucas’ smile even more.

“I knew that you would like it. You’ve always been a sucker for things like this.”

At this, Lucas frowned slightly.

“How do you know this? I haven’t told you about it yet.”

Eliott stopped in his tracks for a moment, seeming to think about what he just said. Lucas was not able to see his impression since Eliott’s back was turned towards him. But instead of being confused, Eliott looked over his shoulder, a smirk on his face.

“You’re flirting with poles while biking, coming out of it with a wound and you still keep biking. If your need for adrenaline isn’t obvious, I don’t know what is.”

Lucas laughed and looked down, being slightly embarrassed by the fact that this was Eliott’s and his second real conversation, the other boy _still_ talking about it.

They were still some meters away from the car, when a lightning stretched over the sky and thunder could be heard in the distance. Lucas looked up, squinting slightly.

“Oh, I think it’s going to rain s—”

And before he could even finish his sentence, the sky was opening up. Eliott stared at Lucas and Lucas stared at Eliott and they both started to laugh loudly, shifting towards each other as if they were two sides of a magnet.

“We should probably run back to the car”, said Eliott with a laugh, standing close to Lucas while saying so and turned around, ready to go.

But Lucas laid a hand on Eliott’s wrist, holding him back from walking away.

_This is it._

Lucas looked into Eliott’s eyes, both of them already wet to their bones from the rain. The drops were running down Eliott’s and Lucas’ face, blinding his sight slightly. But Lucas didn’t care. He only cared for the boy in front of him, for the light in his eyes and the smile on his lips and his slightly pink-tinted cheeks and the way he held Lucas on the roller skate track and the way he picked him up from his golden prison and how he saved his life and…

Lucas didn’t want to wait anymore.

Lucas would be brave now.

And in the next second, their lips were crushing together.

Lucas felt that Eliott wanted all of this as much as he wanted it. He felt it in the way the other boy’s arms wrapped around Lucas immediately, in the way Eliott kissed the fucking life out of him, in the way he could feel Eliott smiling at his lips, as if had waited all the time for this exact moment.

As did Lucas.

Lucas’ eyes were closed the whole time, his body flooded with happiness and joy and…

_Oh my fucking god._

Lucas’ eyes opened rapidly during the kiss, their lips still locked while Lucas’ mind was suddenly flooded with pictures and moments and memories and…

Everything shifted into place.

_It’s him._

And suddenly, he remembered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay this is it, guys. this is fucking it


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mental illness/mental health

_The sun was slowly setting over their beautiful city and Lucas was truly and utterly happy. His arms were wrapped around his legs which he drew to his chest, his chin resting on his knees and a small smile danced around on his lips._

_This was a perfect date._

_With a perfect boy._

_Lucas slowly turned his head to the left side, watching the last sunlight of the day shining into the other boy’s face, illuminating his eyes so that they seemed like a dark blue. He seemed to realize Lucas staring and usually, Lucas would turn away his head by now, his cheeks blushing._

_But not this time._

_This time, Lucas held his gaze and they slowly moved towards each other as if their bodies were magically drawn to each other. Lucas’ hand wandered into the messy hair of the other boy, making his opposite sigh with a smile on his face while closing his eyes._

_And this was the second he did it._

_Lucas leaned in, slowly covering the other boy’s lips with his own. Lucas shivered, the other one slightly gasping on Lucas’ lips, being surprised that Lucas took this important and long overdue step._

_But this was the right thing to do._

_And Eliott Demaury was the right boy for him._

* * *

Lucas gasped, pulling away from Eliott. He suddenly felt so dizzy, everything, his whole world, seemed to shift out of his place into a totally different direction.

Which actually was the case.

_Him._

“Lucas?”

Lucas couldn’t focus on Eliott who caught him before he fell down, his legs giving up on their own. So many pictures flooded his mind, playing in front of his eyes like a movie in the cinema. Only that this was not a movie. These were memories. Memories from another time.

Memories from another _life._

Lucas knew it. He knew it all along. The vivid dreams and the flashbacks… they all made sense now and he was kind of glad that he wasn’t going mad, that all these strange events had a reason.

This was not his first life and now he was hundred percent sure of it.

Moment after moment, different parts of his past life came back in a flood, nearly drowning Lucas who hadn’t seen this coming at all.

And it all came back because of this kiss.

“Lucas? What is it?”

Eliott’s concerned voice pulled him out of his trance for a second, the pictures stopping for a second so Lucas could focus on Eliott, breathing heavily. He looked worried. He surely thought that he did something wrong, that Lucas did something wrong in kissing him, that it was a mistake.

But Lucas didn’t regret a single second.

It was just that all the pictures, all the moments in his mind where connected to Eliott.

 “You”, whispered Lucas simply.

And he remembered it all.

Their dates, their time together.

Eliott drawing Lucas, Eliott taking Lucas out, Eliott cuddling with Lucas, Eliott holding Lucas, Eliott walking hand in hand with Lucas, Eliott kissing Lucas, Eliott making Lucas laugh, Eliott drying his tears whenever he broke down. Eliott always being there whenever Lucas needed him.

Eliott, Eliott, Eliott, Eli—

“What? I’m—have you hurt yourself on the track? Do you need anything? I—”

And suddenly, Eliott stopped while speaking, realization dawning on his face. His eyes slowly widened, the raindrops dripping from the hair in his face which brought another moment to the surface of Lucas’ mind, both of them running through the rain, hand in hand, trying to catch the bus while laughing and…

_This never happened._

But it did happen.

Just not in this life.

Eliott was still staring at Lucas, his lips slightly parted, breathing faster as if he was afraid by Lucas’ reaction. And Lucas was actually afraid too. Eliott, in contrast to Lucas knew everything about his past life, he knew how he died and he found him again despite all the years that have passed and…

Suddenly, a frown was fighting its way on Lucas’ still shocked face.

If Eliott had been with Lucas twenty fucking years ago, he would be an adult now, not recognizable for Lucas.

And yet…

“You remember, right?”

Eliott’s voice was shaking slightly, his eyes slowly filling with water. Lucas couldn’t tell if it were tears of joy or sadness or sorrow or… The rain was still pouring down from the sky, their clothes already sticking to their skin. And Lucas could do nothing else than staring at the boy in front of him who was even more a mystery to him now after some higher force decided it would be good for Lucas to know about his former life. He didn’t know how to react around Eliott now. He didn’t know what to think or what to do or…

Slowly but surely, the stream of pictures were shifting into the background and the thousand questions Lucas had were literally screaming inside of his head now, occupying Lucas’ whole being, his whole consciousness.

_Why did I found Eliott again? Can love beat even death? Was our love that strong? Why am I back? Is Eliott the reason why I’m reincarnated, the reason I so long searched for? Is Eliott also reincarnated? Is this some sick game fate decided to play?_

And one question seemed to be louder than anything else.

_How and why did I die?_

“Lucas, say something”, said Eliott quietly after Lucas had been silent for a long time after his question. But Lucas couldn’t. He didn’t trust his voice anymore, he didn’t even trust his body anymore. He was not sure who he was and what he was and why of millions of people he was reincarnated, finding the love of his former life again.

“I—”

Eliott was just about to grab Lucas’ hands but he couldn’t. He pulled his hands away, surely regretting this movement after some of his first confusion faded away, but Lucas needed space right now. It was nothing directed against Eliott personally but he was the one who triggered everything of this. Although Lucas always knew that he was special, that a reincarnation was quiet possible in his case, the naked truth, the confirmation was something different. Lucas couldn’t properly breath and he was sure that he would break in thousand pieces with someone touching him right now. Also if this someone was Eliott Demaury, the man who could maybe help him solve all of this. The man he had feelings for, strong feelings and who looked at him with so much worry in his eyes, probably afraid that Lucas would reject him anytime soon. The man Lucas would, in fact, probably reject now without even wanting to.

The man who maybe was even the reason why he was here on this planet again.

_Maybe he was the one who killed me and now I’m back so he can do it again._

This thought sent shivers down his spine, Lucas getting sick of his own thoughts right now. How could his fucking stupid head even think of anything like this? And could the pictures and moments and memories _please_ stop running through his head like a fucking picture show? Lucas was laying his hands on the side of his head now, pressing his hands over his ears like he always did when his phonophobia kicked in. And to be honest, this was also a kind of phonophobia for Lucas right now: The voices in his head wouldn’t shut up for one fucking second and he was already so tired and overwhelmed with everything that he just wanted to lay down, fall asleep and never wake up again.

Eliott was moving his lips, still looking unbelievable worried while the rain slowly stopped. Which Lucas didn’t even realize.

“Please, Lucas. Talk with me. I’m afraid.”

_Not only you._

“I can’t”, whispered Lucas now, his eyes darting around, never really fixing on a point, “I’m sorry.”

And with that, he stumbled into the night, his feet running faster and faster and faster till the night passed by him in a blur, his sight blurry too from the tears of exhaustion which were now running down his face.

“Lucas!”

He needed space.

“Lucas, please come back!”

He needed a quiet place.

“It’s too dangerous to be alone right now!”

He needed rest.

He was hurting Eliott.

_I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna be okay._

But would he really be?

* * *

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck._

Eliott stared at the place where Lucas just disappeared, fear being one of so many emotions which had been dancing on his face.

He remembered.

He remembered his past life and he remembered Eliott and everything that happened.

_Does he also remember how he died…?_

Eliott felt panic rising in his throat. He never thought that Lucas would be able to remember his past life, he never thought that their first kiss in Lucas’ second lifetime would trigger every memory of his past. Eliott had been so happy some minutes ago when he finally felt Lucas’ lips on his own, something inside him loosening what has been tense for so long. Eliott thought that he finally had his boy back, that everything would be better after all of the shit which happened.

And now…

Now he lost him.

Again.

And Eliott felt like dying.

After Lucas parted from him, staring at Eliott with his big, blue eyes, Eliott knew that something was wrong. And when he realized that the memories from his past life came back, he regretted everything he did or said in the past days. He shouldn’t have played with fate this much. Eliott was some supernatural being and wrong and unknown things shouldn’t even be alive in a world like this, beings like him shouldn’t intervene in the course of life.

And yet he did.

Because he loved Lucas too much.

Maybe Lucas hated him now. Maybe Lucas thought that Eliott played some sick game with him, finding him again and again in every lifetime of Lucas’. Maybe Lucas’ mind had twisted memories of his past life, every positive moment turned into a negative one by some cruel higher force.

Eliott didn’t know.

All he did know was that Lucas was gone, without any explanation.

He couldn’t breathe properly and started to shake, everything around him slowly blurring together till he couldn’t focus on anything anymore. His legs started to shake and he had the feeling to hyperventilate any second from now on.

An episode was starting.

All of that triggered his mental health.

_I lost him._

Eliott tried to fish out his phone with shake fingers, tears slowly streaming down his face.

_I should have never approached him._

Eliott unlocked his phone, dialing a phone number as familiar as his own heartbeat.

_This was all a big mistake._

“Hello?”

“Idriss?”

“Fuck, Eliott. It’s in the middle of the night. Where are you even?”

Eliott felt like throwing up. He sank down to his knees, still wet and shaking uncontrollable. The whole twenty years, he waited for this moment to happen. He waited for Lucas, swearing to himself that he would get things right, that he would find his hedgehog again.

And now, after his dream finally came true, the one thing he still lived for, was being ripped away from him.

“I— He remembers, Idriss.”

There was some silence on the other end of the line.

“Everything?”, asked Idriss silently, his voice suddenly hoarse.

“I— I don’t fucking know. But he went away and I—”

Eliott took a shaky breath, a sob escaping his mouth without him wanting to.

“He’s gone. He’s gone, Idriss. And he’ll never be back.”

“Okay, where are you, Eli? I’ll pick you up.”

Eliott started to look around, the tears in his eyes making it difficult for him to see. The night was pitch black, only the light from the street lantern illuminated the otherwise dark street. Eliott was kneeling on the ground, the gravel from the street burying itself in his skin where his jeans was ripped. He actually didn’t know where he was. He was somewhere and nowhere to the same time.

“Okay, I got your location. Wait there for me, I’ll be there in some minutes.”

“Idriss, don’t hang—”

But the sound of the ended call ringed in Eliott’s ears, the silence slowly folding around Eliott again. He was laid his head on his knees now, arms wrapped around his legs. He didn’t tried to stop the tears from escaping his eyes.

All his waiting had been worthless.

All his praying had been useless.

All his dreams had been crushed within a second.

Happiness and absolutely sadness lay so close to each other.

“I fucked up”, whispered Eliott to himself, his voice broken and hoarse and quiet in his own ears.

Eliott felt like destroying himself. He felt like screaming so loud that his world would eventually combust from all the pain laying in his scream. He felt like ripping apart everything which came to his hands, he felt like blaming everything and no one at once for playing foul games with his heart and his being.

He felt like his world shattered around him.

A world without Lucas in it.

Eliott didn’t hear the car, he just felt some kind of light on him. And he wasn’t even strong enough to lift his head to see where this light came from. And he couldn’t give a fuck, to be honest.

“Eliott!”

As someone suddenly screamed his name, Eliott lifted his head slowly nevertheless. He saw  a shadow running towards him, squinting against the bright light which was blinding him.

“Fuck, Eliott. Get off of the ground. You’re getting sick.”

He finally recognized the voice.

Idriss came.

_How much time did pass till I phoned him?_

Idriss was now next to him, kneeling down and taking his arms, wanting to pull him up. But Eliott didn’t feel like getting up. He didn’t feel like doing anything at all.

“I don’t fucking care”, mumbled Eliott quietly to himself

“Oh, but I do fucking care. And Lucas does too.”

“Lucas doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“Lucas just found out that he was being reincarnated. How would you have reacted?”

Eliott stayed silent.

“Exactly”, said Idriss with a strong voice and pulled Eliott now up, regardless of his light protests, “And I won’t accept you pitying yourself now. You fought for Lucas all these years and now you will just give up?”

“Idriss”, said Eliott now, focusing on his best friend who still had his hands on his arms, “Lucas seems to hate me. You should’ve seen him. How he looked at me. He fucking _loathes_ me. It’s over, Idriss.”

“Fuck it, Eliott. As if something like this had stopped you before.”

Eliott stared at Lucas and was still shaking.

“We’re going home now and Lucas loves you. He will come back eventually, I promise.”

“How can you promise anything like this?”, asked Eliott quietly, his voice weak now and hoarse from all the quiet crying.

“Because I have been living for some years now. I have some experience.”

And Eliott couldn’t even argue against that argument.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone give Eliott a hug. Preferable Lucas.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: death / mentioning of death

Lucas sneaked into the house again, his parents long asleep and surely thinking that Lucas was too.

But Lucas wasn’t asleep.

Lucas had never been more awake.

As he climbed up the stairs quietly, his eyes darted around, his breathing still heavily while he took in his surroundings.

How did the house in his former life look like? Did his parents loved him the way his parents do now? And could he even call his parents “parents” now after everything he knew?

As Lucas ran through the night, he realized that not everything from his past life seemed to come back. He didn’t know about his family life, about his social life. He only knew some shreds of it. But every clear memory, every clear moment was connected to Eliott.

Eliott, who Lucas just left in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes. Who probably thought that Lucas must hate him now after everything came back in a rush.

And Lucas wasn’t sure what to feel right now either.

In his room, he curled into a little ball on his bed, his eyes closed while he tried to shut out the stream of pictures and memories who didn’t seem to stop. Additionally to that, question after question was fighting its way into Lucas’ mind and he just wished for a fucking goddamn second of peace and silence.

Why him?

Why Eliott?

Why did he found him again?

Did he wait for Lucas?

Lucas wasn’t sure of anything except one thing:

That kissing Eliott was the right thing to do.

He still remembered the way Eliott’s lips moved against his own, the taste of his lips making Lucas dizzy with desire and so many other feelings.

Lucas opened his eyes.

He had been searching for confirmation for his theory of being reincarnated. And he always thought that there had to be a reason for this feeling. That there had to be a reason for his reincarnation. And no matter which way Lucas would go from here, he knew that this reason was Eliott. That Lucas was meant to find Eliott again in this lifetime, that the strong feelings between them was more than life itself.

Lucas could only imagine how Eliott felt right now. He apparently waited for Lucas, how the fuck all of this should work out was another question. But he waited for Lucas all these years and Lucas… Lucas just left without an explanation and without a word.

And this was not fair at all.

Lucas took out his phone from his pocket, staring at Eliott’s and his chat and absentmindedly scrolling through all of their messages. Something inside of Lucas warmed as he scanned the messages and their flirting.

**lucallemant:** eliott?

Lucas was not even sure if Eliott wanted to talk with him or see him after all of this. He could understand it though. He reacted like an idiot, running away from Eliott as if he had been the fault for all of this.

Well, maybe he was.

But on a positive note.

_I hope so at least._

**srodulv:** lucas

where are you?

are you at home?

He really was worried about Lucas and Lucas sighed deeply, the pictures in his mind and the steady flow of memories slowly but surely fading away, leaving Lucas with the headache of a the century.

**lucallemant:** yeah, I’m @ home. Don’t worry.

**srodulv:** okay

Lucas didn’t know what to write next. And neither did Eliott as it seemed.

**srodulv:** I’m sorry

Lucas jumped slightly as his phone vibrated in his hands without a warning. He frowned after reading this message.

**lucallemant:** for what?

**srodulv:** for everything

Lucas’ eyes were hurting from the bright light of his phone screen, making his headache even worse. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from it, from the message you just received. This seemed like a goodbye and Lucas was _not_ ready to let Eliott go. Not after all of this happened. Not when there were so many questions left unanswered. Not when his heart was racing every fucking time the other boy was near him.

**lucallemant:** don’t be

**srodulv:** thank you for this beautiful evening. and the beautiful moments with you. i am sorry

_No, no, no. Do something, Lucas Lallemant. Now._

**lucallemant:** I’m sorry for running away

**srodulv:** what

**lucallemant:** I’m sorry for leaving you there without an explanation. I shouldn’t have run away

**srodulv:** you just found that you’re reincarnated, i would have jumped off of a fucking bridge

Lucas snorted.

**lucallemant:** yeah, well, I didn’t feel that dramatic tbh

Lucas just realized that a smile has creeped onto his face and he was kind of shocked by himself. Lucas’ whole world was shattering and turning upside down and Eliott still made it to make him smile.

_The best confirmation that this is the right way to go._

**srodulv:** I’m glad you didn’t

**lucallemant:** can I see you tomorrow?

**srodulv:** you want to see me?

Lucas could literally feel Eliott gasping on his side of the phone, clutching the device tighter in his hands. And Lucas felt himself doing the same.

**lucallemant:** I always want to see you

Lucas was hundred percent honest.

**srodulv:** when? where? Should I pick you up?

**lucallemant:** let’s meet in the park behind your house at 11 in the morning, I’ll come by bike

**srodulv:** don’t run over innocent poles while you’re on the road

A quiet laugh was escaping Lucas by now. Some minutes ago, he had been crying like a baby, not knowing how to continue with life after all these information flooded his brain, clocking it with pictures and memories which didn’t belong to him and belonged to him nevertheless to the same time. And now he was writing with Eliott who always made him feel good about himself.

The reason for his reincarnation.

And if Eliott really was the reason, if finding Eliott really was the reason for his reincarnation…

Could all of this be bad then?

**lucallemant:** I’ll try my best

**srodulv:** good biker boy

**lucallemant:** <3

And when he sent that heart, he felt a rush going through his whole body.

And a voice whispered inside of him.

_Well done._

* * *

Lucas was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect from this meeting, what would await him. But he also was nervous because he would see Eliott again and alone the thought of him, the memory of the nightly kiss they shared yesterday, made his heart beat like crazy. He could only imagine how Eliott must feel right now.

Lucas parked his bike on a street corner, running a hand through his messy hair after taking off the helmet, scanning his surroundings. After yesterday, everything seemed to be different. The light, the weather, everything.

_Or you start to imagine things, idiot._

Lucas took a deep breath before walking into the park. Some couples were walking hand in hand and Lucas’ mind wandered to Eliott and how good it would feel to walk with him through the city and—

Lucas shook his head slightly. There were more important things to talk and think about then his crush on the boy who kissed him yesterday. Lucas had some struggles to breathe suddenly as he took more and more steps into the park. He felt some tension inside of him and he was afraid to get to know more about his past life and everything connected to it.

“Lucas.”

Lucas swirled around as he heard someone say his name.

And as his gaze landed on Eliott, something inside of him loosened.

The tension which were occupying his whole body was slowly but surely fading away, leaving only some sort of… _peace_. He kept staring at Eliott as if he was some kind of god and he was teleported back to the moment he first saw him in the cafeteria.

_Not the first time ever, though._

Eliott was slowly walking towards him, hair messy, eyebags dark purple as if he hadn’t been sleeping a lot last night. Which was probably the truth. He had his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, shyly looking down as if he was afraid to see the emotions on Lucas’ face. But Lucas’ body literally ached to touch Eliott, to be in his arms, to let him carry all the troubles and worries away. And so Lucas listened to his body.

“Eliott”, whispered Lucas as if saying his name would make everything better.

And it did.

Lucas reached Eliott in a few strides and they were looking into the other’s eyes, not sure what to do with themselves and how to react around the other one. But Lucas knew that he felt better now that he was with Eliott. That he _needed_ him.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry—”

Both of them were talking to the same time, the same words and Lucas huffed a laugh, looking down at his shoes. He could feel the warmth of Eliott’s smile on him and lifted his head to look at the other boy again.

“There is no need to be sorry. Really, Eliott. I’m the one who’s sorry for running away like a foul.”

“I should’ve told you.”

“I would’ve laughed at you. Who would believe you if you told them that they’re reincarnated?”

Eliott looked at Lucas and Lucas looked at Eliott and a smile was suddenly breaking out on both of their lips. Lucas took the first step. He reached for Eliott’s hand, squeezing it reassuring before taking a deep breath.

“Let’s sit down somewhere, shall we?”

* * *

“So, that’s why you knew that I like hot chocolate.”

“You always _hated_ coffee with a burning passion”, said Eliott with a laugh and leaned back against the tree trunk, “It just slipped off of my tongue when we had that date.”

Lucas smiled and picked at the grass under him. They were sitting under some trees, the shadow protecting them from the warm spring sun. They had been talking for a while now, Lucas asking questions and Eliott answering them. About the moments, the memories of the things that never happened but did happen, about everything… and everything Lucas remembered was true.

And Eliott knew everything about it.

“What about my parents?”, asked Lucas now.

Eliott looked up into the leaves of the trees dancing in the wind.

“They loved you. Like your parents do now.”

Lucas waited for more and he heard Eliott sighing which made him lift his head.

“I’m not sure if it’s good for you to know… a lot more than you already remember. I know that you have questions and I know that you would like to know everything… But”, Eliott stopped and took a deep breath, shrugging lightly, “It’s gone. It’s another lifetime, you know?”

Lucas nodded lightly and he understood what Eliott meant. It would only make things more difficult. He would maybe search for his former parents. And they would look at him with wide eyes, asking who the fuck he is because they wouldn’t remember their dead son who was now not their son anymore. Because no one had any memories of the reincarnated people.

Lucas looked up, some grass in his hand.

_No one but him._

“I… I have one last question”, said Lucas now quietly, his heart staring to beat faster immediately. He had been too afraid to ask this question, to talk about it. And he still was not sure if he would like to know it or just… drop it.

But Eliott was the only person who could help him in this case.

_Now or never._

“How did I die?”

Something on Eliott’s face changed.

Eliott was slowly drawing himself away from Lucas, Lucas could literally feel how much this question did to him. Eliott went to a place now which had been buried inside of him for so fucking long and Lucas immediately felt regret asking this question. It was selfish of him to think that it wouldn’t affect Eliott, that all of that hadn’t affected Eliott.

“You don’t need to answer this if you—”

“It had been a lovely day”, started Eliott now and Lucas could feel the hairs on his neck slowly rising, going quiet immediately.

“We had been out, celebrating the 14th of July on the streets. We had such a lovely time and everything was great, we were in love and we sang and we drank and we danced.”

Eliott took a deep breath, blinking rapidly as if fighting some tears which blurred his sight.

“You took me home. You had a motorbike back then too and I hated it.”

Lucas smiled a bit now but it faded away as soon as Eliott continued to talk.

“We were nearly home. My arms were wrapped around you and you were talking about some project you did in college and suddenly…”, Eliott had to stop again, swallowing slightly, “The shot came out of nowhere.” Eliott closed his eyes for a second as if he couldn’t take all the memories which were now flooding his mind. “If I listen closely, I can still hear the shot ringing through the night. You lost control over your bike and we crashed into a wall in a dark alley. I didn’t care about me being hurt or bruised, I didn’t care about the stupid bike. I only saw the blood on your chest and how the speck of it bloomed more and more on your otherwise white shirt and…”

And now, tears were rolling down Eliott’s cheeks. Something inside of Lucas broke and he felt… empty.

He had been shot.

He had been killed on purpose.

“I swore that I would find that pig and that I would kill it with my bare hands. And I swore that I would find you again, no matter the costs.” Eliott’s voice was hoarse and broken and Lucas felt himself shifting closer to Eliott, wanting to give him some kind of comfort although he knew that no one could take away the pictures from Eliott, the regret he felt.

“I could’ve saved you. I said that it wouldn’t be safe to drive through this kind of neighborhood at night.”

“It’s not your fault, Eliott”, said Lucas now quietly, the first words after hearing how he died.

“It is. And you cannot tell me otherwise.”

Lucas bit his lips and he didn’t know what to feel. He felt empty, he felt like all of that didn’t belong to him. And yet it did.

“When you died in my arms, my world collapsed. You… you were the love of my life. And I swore to you that I would wait. It were the last words I said to you before you…” Eliott rubbed over his eyes, taking a shaky breath, “I hoped that some higher force would decide that we belonged together. I prayed that I would get another chance to… to make things right.”

Lucas swallowed, laying a hand on Eliott’s hand. Eliott now looked up, straight into Lucas’ ocean blue eyes and a smile was fighting its way on his face, chasing away the pictures and memories from another lifetime.

“And now you’re back.”

“And now I’m back”, repeated Lucas with a lot of fondness in his voice.

“Thank you. For telling me.”

“You’ve always asked yourself why you’re afraid of loud noises, right?”

Lucas nodded shortly.

“It’s because of how you died. Our phobias come from the way we died and since you died because of a loud bang, you have phonophobia. And because you were shot in your chest, you always tend to rub circles over your chest without even realizing.”

Lucas stared at him.

_So Arthur was right…_

“This… this is all so…”

“So crazy? Unbelievable? Fucked up?”

Lucas snorted lightly.

“Fucked up, yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lucas and Eliott were sitting in silence for some moments, every one of them going after their own thoughts. Lucas knew now how he died. He knew why he had phonophobia. And he knew why he was being reincarnated: Because Eliott’s love tied him to the world of the living.

_But…_

“Wait”, said Lucas now, frowning again and looking at Eliott. The question which was now fighting its way to the surface of his mind had been there before. But he fought it back, other questions more important.

But this was actually the question he should’ve asked at the beginning of it all.

“How… How are you still the same age as twenty years ago? I mean… you should’ve been an adult by now, you shouldn’t even be able to remember me, no one who I knew in my former life does and still…”

Eliott just looked at him with an expression on his face Lucas couldn’t quite name. He looked like he knew that this would come. That he was already prepared for something like this.

“How is this possible?”, asked Lucas now, kind of afraid to hear the answer.

Eliott took a deep breath now, running a hand through his hair while laying his head back on the tree behind him, apparently searching for the right words.

“Well…”, started Eliott and Lucas could hear his heartbeat in his own ears, “I’ve never had the time to tell you or the courage but…”

Eliott took another deep breath, now turning his head to Lucas, looking straight into his eyes, straight into his soul.

“I’m immortal.”

Lucas’ stopped to breath for a second, his jaw dropped.

_Holy fucking shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, these were a lot of talking and emotions


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

“Lucas? Are you okay?”

Lucas was still staring at Eliott who had just told him the most unbelievable thing he’s ever heard in his entire life. Lucas was not sure if Eliott was fooling around with him, if he was mocking him. But there had been no humor in his voice, there was not the sparkling laughter in his eyes which always used to be there when he tried to hide his laugh.

“You are fucking serious, right?”, asked Lucas, still not knowing what he should think about all of this.

Eliott sighed deeply and ran a hand through his hair, leaning forward so that he was even closer to Lucas who didn’t know what to do or what to think or—

“I’m serious. I know, this sounds extremely foolish and if I were you, I would have already run away by now.”

“Thank you for your understanding of my current thoughts.”

Eliott smirked a bit and Lucas’ breath slowly calmed down, the smile of the other one making him calmer.

“So that’s why you are still here, why you still remember me after all this time. You… You’ve waited all these years for me…?”

Eliott nodded and Lucas couldn’t believe that there was someone out there who really loved him that much to wait for him 20 fucking years, not even knowing if the one he waited for would come back at all.

Not someone out there, to be honest.

The boy in front of him did all this waiting, finding Lucas again in another lifetime.

Lucas slowly shook his head, his lips slightly parted while so many emotions were racing through his whole body.

“Why?”, asked Lucas quietly, his voice barely a whisper. And Eliott just looked at him for some moments, watching his face while wearing such a soft expression on his face that it nearly hurt Lucas to think about all the years, all the months, all the days, where this wonderful man waited for him. Waited for him to live a new life.

“Why?”, repeated Eliott quietly and looked straight into Lucas’ eyes, “Because I love you. I always have and I always will. If you let me.”

Lucas’ breath caught in his throat for a moment while his body decided to freak out. His heart was racing so fast right now, that his heartbeat was nearly painful for him. Thousands thoughts were running through his head and his hands were getting sweaty as these three words repeated itself in his mind again and again.

_I love you. I love you. I love you._

Lucas took a deep and shaky breath, staring at Eliott with his wide eyes. The other boy seemed to wait for a response, for any kind of reaction.

_And I love you._

But the words wouldn’t leave his lips. He didn’t know why. He didn’t know why he couldn’t say them just now. Maybe he was just afraid. Afraid, of what all these information would do to him and his current life. Afraid, that he might disappoint Eliott.

“Say something, Lucas.”

Eliott’s voice was weak and it broke Lucas to think that the other boy thought that Lucas wouldn’t have so many and strong feelings for him. But instead of saying something, Lucas laid a hand on Eliott’s, rubbing his thumb over the soft skin of Eliott’s hand.

“So… You cannot die? Like… not at all? How fucking old are you actually, Eliott?”

Eliott laughed quietly, still a bit insecure about all of this but Lucas could see how some of the tension left his shoulders.

“I can die. But only by a shot directly into my heart. Or someone stabbing me directly into my heart. If I get shot a thousand times somewhere else, I will still live.”

Lucas nodded slowly and the thought that Eliott could literally not die was not getting into his brain. Not at all.

“And I won’t tell you how old I am in real life. I don’t want to risk that you really run away”, added Eliott with a wink and Lucas sighed dramatically.

“Well, I’ll keep asking you as long as I have to”, said Lucas with a smile now and both of them were laughing together. But something was different between them now. Of course, something was different. Lucas knew how he died, Lucas know that Eliott had been waiting, that they had been in love in another lifetime. But in contrast to Eliott, he only knew the memories from pictures that kept coming and going, Lucas not knowing what was reality, what was a dream and what his stupid mind just imagined without any context at all. They were sitting like this, hand in hand, for some moments, both of them going after their own thoughts.

“What now?”, asked Eliott after some minutes passed in silence, his voice being all scary and Lucas could feel how much Eliott loved him, how much all of this feared him too.

“I don’t know”, answered Lucas honestly, because he really didn’t know. He just knew one thing:

“I—I think my purpose in this life, the reason for my reincarnation was to find you. To find you again. And now I have found you again…”

Eliott nodded, looking down on their hands while his fingers caressed the back of Lucas’ hand softly.

“But…”

“But?”

Eliott looked up now, the fear of losing Lucas again after all this time so visible in his gaze. And Lucas wished that he could take him that fear, that he could reassure him that everything would be okay again.

But he was not sure about it.

He was not sure about anything at all and that drove him crazy.

“I think I need time”, said Lucas eventually, the breath he apparently held leaving his mouth in a huff, “Time, to think about all of this.”

“I understand”, said Eliott while nodding and looking up to Lucas again, “It must be hard for you.”

Lucas nodded again and slowly pulled his hand away from Eliott, his heart breaking a bit while doing so. He really had strong feelings for him but Lucas couldn’t go on with life as if nothing happened.

“Thank you.”

Lucas stood up and gathered his things, not able to look at Eliott who surely looked like a lost puppy. He was already turning around, not having the strength to hug him or kiss him, what he actually wanted to do deep down, when Eliott caught his wrist. Lucas looked over his shoulder into those eyes he fell in love with and he suddenly felt like crying. He suddenly felt like he would part from Eliott for forever and that all of this, that all the pain in this world would be his fault.

“I will wait for you. I have waited for 20 years. I can wait longer, if you want me to.”

Tears were blurring Lucas’ sight now.

_Hug him, kiss him, tell him that everything will be good again._

But he couldn’t. He had to figure out what he would do with all these information now, everything changed.

But one thing hasn’t.

“I want you to”, whispered Lucas quietly and some of the light returned into Eliott’s eyes.

* * *

Lucas used the next days to find out how to continue his life, trying to process everything he heard from Eliott and everything that happened. His friends kept asking him what’s wrong and he would have loved to talk about it with them since they never had any secrets from each other until then.

But how to explain to your friends that you had proof that you were reincarnated. That someone remembered him from his former life.

That this someone was Eliott and that Yann had any reason to be suspicious of the other boy.

That Eliott was fucking immortal.

All these thoughts were coming and going, always leaving Lucas with a headache and more questions than before.

Eliott stopped writing him, surely wanting for Lucas to take the course of their relationship and Lucas realized again that this man would do everything for him.

And that Lucas had rejected him, telling him, that he needed time instead of being happy that the love of his former life found him again.

A week passed after all of this happened and Lucas was walking home, completely in thoughts again, his friends slowly getting annoyed by how strange Lucas had become without any explanation. But Lucas couldn’t tell them. He was afraid of their reaction and he was afraid to lose them – they were the only constant which didn’t shift till now and Lucas wanted it to remain like this.

Well, not the only constant. There was something else.

_Someone_ else.

Suddenly, Lucas winced as a lightning was brightening up the gloomy evening, followed by the rumbling thunder in the distance. It would rain soon and Lucas, of course, didn’t carry an umbrella with him.

_Great._

As if some higher force realized that Lucas was unprotected against the forces of nature, the sky opened up and Lucas was wet to the bones in the span of seconds. His steps slowly faltered and he eventually came to a stop in the middle of the street, people hurrying past Lucas in a hush to get somewhere safe.

But Lucas’ was thrown back to another time.

Another hour.

It rained when they had their first kiss.

It rained when all of his memories came back and it felt like a life time passed between all of this.

But suddenly, Lucas felt something inside him. Something shifting, some aching.

Aching for someone.

No, not someone.

Aching for Eliott.

Lucas had wanted to kiss the other boy so badly and when it finally happened, the feelings of pure joy where overshadowed by the new knowledge of his former life, the kiss having triggered all of his memories connected to Eliott, connected to the boy who was the reason he was standing here. In a different universe, he would maybe walk around hand in hand with Eliott now, the memory of their first kiss always present whenever it rained and Lucas would look back to this event with a smile.

But when he looked back now, he could still feel his heart racing at the brush of Eliott’s lips against his own. He could still feel himself shiver as Eliott’s hand ran down his back and although his life changed completely in this moment, Lucas wouldn’t want to change a thing about their first kiss and about the kiss between the two of them in general.

Looking back now, he realized that Lucas owed Eliott everything. That Eliott was the reason why he even was alive. That Eliott’s love to Lucas was so strong that it could even beat the death.

Lucas owed Eliott everything.

And Lucas loved Eliott.

Lucas’ breath, which he apparently held as he went after his thoughts, was leaving his lungs in a huff and a small smile formed on his lips. The truth was burying itself in his bones.

_I love him. I love him. I love him._

And no former life, no memory could change that.

He loved him in his past life. And he found him again and learned to love him in this life again.

Lucas started to walk again, his footing now sure, his heartbeat steady in his chest and for the first time in days, he felt confident. He wondered why he ever doubted that he was meant to be with Eliott. He wondered why he ever let go of Eliott’s hand, why he ever tried to stop thinking about the other boy if his whole being was based on their love.

Eliott was the end.

And Eliott was the beginning.

And Lucas didn’t want to spend another minute wondering what his life would become now or what it was like before he died in his past life. Because everything which mattered was now. Life was now. And if he would spent it with thinking about the past, he would miss the perfect moments of the present.

Lucas didn’t know when he started to run. The raindrops where whipping in his face now but he didn’t care. His clothes were sticking to his body. But he didn’t care. The smile wouldn’t leave his face for a second and he felt free, free, so free. His heart was already where it belonged and when he crossed the street and entered a familiar neighborhood with a crooked pole in front of a house, his body and soul was also nearly where it belonged.

Where it had belonged all that time.

Lucas was out of breath by the time he arrived in front of Eliott’s house. They hadn’t talked for days and Lucas felt something twisting inside of him as he thought of Eliott who must have had several breakdowns by now. Lucas didn’t waste another minute and rang the bell, keeping his finger on the button till the door finally was opened. He took two steps at a time and nearly flew up the stairs, up to Eliott’s apartment. The raindrops where running down his face, dripping from the strands of his hair to the ground of the hallway and he surely looked like a mess.

But he didn’t care.

“Lucas, oh god, is everything—”

Eliott was standing in the doorframe, looking completely done with life. He only wore joggers and a sweatshirt which seemed too big for him. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days, which was most likely the case and all of this told Lucas that coming here and claiming the love of his life again was the right decision.

“I love you.”

The words left Lucas breathlessly and Eliott stopped talking, his mouth slightly open while trying to process what he just heard.

And Lucas just let out a tiny laugh, shaking in his head as if he couldn’t believe that he waited so long to say all of this.

“I love you, Eliott. I love you. And I am so fucking sorry.”

“Sorry? Sorry for what?”

Eliott looked like he couldn’t quite believe what just happened. To emphasize his words, Lucas took a step forward and took Eliott’s hands in his own, pulling the other boy close to him. Both of them didn’t seem to care that Lucas was literally dripping with rain. Eliott slightly pressed himself against Lucas, shivering against him which was surely not coming from the cold rain.

“I’m sorry for nearly letting you go. I’m sorry for blaming you. I’m sorry for not seeing that you are the reason why I am alive”, said Lucas quietly into the space between them, looking into Eliott’s eyes the whole time, “I’m sorry for not seeing that your love is the reason why I am alive.”

Eliott’s eyes filled with tears. Tears of joy and relief and love.

“And I love you. I’ve always loved you and I will always love you. Former life or not. Reincarnation or not. I fell in love with you again and I will fall in love with you in every life to follow.”

Not one second passed after Lucas’ words before the both of crashed against each other. Lucas felt like finally being able to breathe again as Eliott’s lips found their way to his own. Eliott was pulling Lucas into the apartment while closing the door with his hip. He kept kissing Lucas the whole time and Lucas was in heaven. Before he could even think of it, Eliott was already pulling the wet shirt over Lucas’ head, making the hair from the smaller boy stick out the every side which made Eliott chuckle.

“I’ve always loved your messy hair”, he whispered into Lucas’ ear before kissing him again.

And again.

And again.

The clothes of the both of them were soon shattered around the whole hallway and as Lucas fell down back first onto Eliott’s bed, he felt like he always belonged here: In the arms of this boy, sharing the deepest bond and the purest love.

Lucas was laying under Eliott who stopped kissing him for a second, taking the pause to breathe to look at Lucas.

“What?”, asked Lucas breathless and quietly, shivering as he felt Eliott’s naked skin on his own.

“I’ll never let you go again”, whispered Eliott before leaning down to leave thousand tiny kisses on Lucas’ neck. He closed his eyes, a smile appearing on his lips.

“I’ll make everything better this time”, said Eliott quietly now, more to himself than to Lucas but Lucas could feel the honesty of his words, the relief of finally being able to tell Lucas these words, to make them true. Eliott was lifting his head again, looking into Lucas’ ocean blue eyes for a second before leaning down, closely stopping before his lips.

“I promise.”

And Lucas knew that Eliott would keep this promise, no matter the costs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wipes tears* stop making me cry boys


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety

 

Lucas had never slept this good in his life before. He felt safe and protected, he felt like he belonged right into the strong arms of the boy who was holding him. He was still asleep as he felt someone stroking over his skin, drawing slow patterns on his soft skin. Lucas slowly woke, a smile forming onto his lips as the memories from the past night were sneaking into his mind – memories which now were from this life and not another already passed life.

“You look beautiful while sleeping”, whispered a raspy voice and Lucas snuggled instinctively closer to Eliott. They wore both only their underwear and Lucas snuggled into Eliott and wrapped his legs and arms around him.

“I surely don’t look beautiful while I’m sleeping”, whispered Lucas back, a smile still present on his day and he felt and heard the low rumble of Eliott laughing against his messy hair.

“I always loved how you looked so peaceful and content when you slept next to me. Your eyelashes flutter slightly when you’re dreaming and sometimes you even smile while sleeping.”

Lucas now lifted his head sleepily and opened his eyes. The sight nearly took away his breath. Sunlight was spilling in through the yellow curtains from Eliott and made his skin literally glow. His cheekbones came out even more and Lucas couldn’t believe that this man, who looked like a fucking Greek god, was his. His man.

“How much time did you waste watching me sleep?”, asked Lucas with amusement in his voice and Eliott granted him his beautiful, bright smile before kissing his lips softly. Warmth was flooding his whole body and he could do this forever and ever, enjoying the feeling of being loved.

“I didn’t waste any time at all. Watching you sleep, watching you being alive and breathing right next to me is the most beautiful and magnificent thing I could ever do.”

Lucas was slowly melting at these beautiful words and the amount of emotions in it. Words couldn’t describe how he felt right now, so Lucas just wrapped his arms again around Eliott, pressing their bodies against each other, skin on skin.

“Je t’aime, Eli”, whispered Lucas before kissing the now smiling lips from Eliott again. He could feel the love radiating from the other one and it made his heart so full with love and warmth that the feeling was nearly overwhelming. They laid like this for some more minutes, Lucas going after his dreamy thoughts and breathing in the scent of the boy he fell in love with again. Eliott’s hands were stroking his back, his chest, his skin and it made Lucas shiver with desire and longing. But suddenly, darker thoughts where filling Lucas’ mind. And he made a promise to himself: He would be honest with Eliott, no matter what would happen. Lucas turned around now, laying his head onto the chest from Eliott and turning his face upwards so he could look at Eliott. And Eliott seemed to realize that something was going on in Lucas’ mind.

“What’s wrong, baby?”, asked Eliott quietly, brushing a strand of hair out of Lucas’ eyes.

Lucas took a deep breath and looked away from Eliott, not really sure how he would deal with the reaction coming from him in some seconds.

“I’m afraid”, said Lucas after some moments passed in silence, his cheeks slowly turning red as he realized that it was kind of embarrassing to admit any kind of fear to Eliott. But instead of mocking him for these vulnerable feelings, Eliott laid a hand on Lucas’ chin and lifted it up, forcing Lucas to look at him.

“Why? Please, tell me. I don’t want you to be afraid.”

“I—I know that you were the reason for my reincarnation. But what if… what if I’ll relive my entire life again?”

Eliott frowned, looking at Lucas.

“What exactly do you mean?”, asked Eliott a little bit confused. And to be honest, Lucas himself was fucking confused because all of this. He didn’t really know how to put all of his thoughts in words so he just… tried it.

“I don’t know. I mean—What if I was reincarnated and will die the same way I did in my last life? What if all of this reincarnation thing is some kind of vicious circle where no one can escape their faith which is written in the stars for forever? What if we will always end up in the same place in the end?”

Eliott stayed silent for some seconds before he slowly shifted, sitting up and driving a hand through his hair. Lucas was now also forced to sit up, looking at Eliott, waiting for him to say something.

“I won’t let this happen.”

There was no room for any arguments in the tone of Eliott’s words, only pure determination which was supported by the hard glance into the void.

“You won’t let this happen?”

Eliott shook his head, taking himself out of a trance that way and took Lucas’ hands in his own, squeezing them while looking straight into the blue eyes of the other one.

“I failed in your last life. I failed to save you and I failed to protect you like I always swore I would.”

Lucas started to shake his head. “This is not your fault, Eli—”

“Yes”, interrupted Eliott him and Lucas fell silent, “Yes, it is. Don’t try to argue with me on that. I’m the immortal one. And I took your life and your love for granted without paying attention that it could be over any moment. And when this moment arrived, my whole world shattered and I saw all the opportunities I should have done but didn’t.”

Eliott took a deep breath and Lucas felt something tighten inside him at the sight of the clear and still sharp pain inside of Eliott.

“And I will make everything better this time. You think that we’ll always end up in the same place in the end?” Lucas nodded at that and Eliott laid both of his hands on Lucas’ cheeks now, holding his face tightly in his grip, “Well, I think that the complete opposite is the reason for your reincarnation. That some higher force decided that your last way was not the right way. That our love was the right thing, yes. But not the way it ended. And here I am, making sure that exactly this will happen: That you’ll get your happy end. That we’ll get our happy end.”

Lucas’ eyes started to burn as tears slowly crept into them.

_Fuck, how can I ever give back the love he gives me?_

“When… When you died… I swore to you, to myself and to every god on this planet that I would find the person who killed you and that they’ll pay for what they have done.”

“Eliott, this is not necessary anymore…”

“Not necessary?”, asked Eliott, his voice pitched higher because of the many emotions boiling inside of him, “If there is anything necessary on this earth, then it is this. This man got never caught. And I will not rest till your murderer will get what they deserve.”

_Thoughts of revenge look good on him._

Lucas nearly frowned at himself for this thought but he couldn’t deny the truth of this. Lucas now laid his hands on Eliott’s which were still cupping his face and brushed the other one’s skin lightly with his thumb.

“It’s enough for me if you love me. And if we make new memories together.”

All the anger and the frustration seemed to leave Eliott’s body at that and his tense shoulder slowly fell down. He sighed deeply, laying his forehead against Lucas’ own and closing his eyes for a second.

“I just want you to know that it’ll be different this time. That you don’t need to be afraid because I will do everything in my power to keep you safe and sound.”

“I can actually protect myself very well”, said Lucas now, a smirk now visible on his face and Eliott couldn’t help himself and broke out into this cute laughter of his where his eyes were shining brighter than any star on the night sky.

“Oh, are you sure about that?”, asked Eliott while raising his eyes suspiciously.

Lucas pretended to be shocked, taking his hands away from Eliott while crossing his arms.

“What makes you think that this is not the case?”

Eliott bit his lip while he looked like thinking about this before crookedly smiling at Lucas.

“I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you killed the pole in front of my house and yourself nearly too?”

Lucas let out a desperate and annoyed sigh, letting himself fall back on the bed while hiding his face behind his hands.

“I cannot believe that you’re still coming up with this fucking shit”, groaned Lucas and tried to hide his smile as Eliott started to laugh, leaning over Lucas and planting several kisses on Lucas’ neck. Eliott fucking knew that this was Lucas’ weak spot.

“I cannot believe that you think I’ll ever forget about this.”

“Please, can we please just… stop talking about it? It was embarrassing enough already.”

Eliott laughed and his breath tickled Lucas’ on the thin skin of his neck, making him shiver and his hand instinctively wandered into the mess of Eliott’s hair while Eliott continued to place kisses all over his sensible skin.

“I think it was very cute.”

“Cute?”

Eliott lifted his head now and the mischief was sparkling in his eyes.

And if Lucas wouldn’t be head over heels for Eliott already, he would be by mine.

“Cute”, said Eliott again with a big grin before kissing Lucas again and every doubt and every embarrassing situation which every happened faded away while Lucas started to float again in that lovely feeling of Eliott’s love and affection.

* * *

After this, everything changed.

Everything changed for good.

Lucas got back to being his old self, even his friends recognized it. And when Lucas introduced Eliott as his official boyfriend, Yann, Arthur and Basile were cheering so loud that every student around them turned around, curiously. The talk that the mysterious Eliott Demaury got a boyfriend were spread around really quickly and suddenly, everyone wanted to be friends with Lucas, to hang around with him. Only to get closer to Eliott and still their curiosity.

But Lucas didn’t care if they talked about him behind their backs of they were angry at him for not introducing them to Eliott. Because Lucas hadn’t been this happy in years. Whenever he was with Eliott, he felt safe and protected and just utterly in love. His friends were actually jealous of their already nearly “disgusting” love. But Lucas and Eliott just smiled brightly, kissing the other one as if to show they could be even more disgustingly in love.

“You haven’t even posted one picture with me on your Instagram after all this time.”

Lucas looked up from his phone and directly into Eliott’s sparkling eyes. Lucas’ head was laying on Eliott’s lap while his boyfriend was slowly and lazily playing with his hair. They had been together for nearly a month now and it had been such a great time. Lucas nearly forgot about the fact that he was reincarnated whenever he was with Eliott. But whenever he was reminded of it, he lived the moments even more to their fullest, knowing now, how quickly a life can be over.

“Oh, so you want me to make us official on Instagram?”

“Of course. It’s about time. And your 20k followers should know that you belong to someone.”

“To someone?”, said Lucas with a smirk on his lips now while looking up to Eliott who was now grinning. He leaned down and kissed Lucas softly, making his heart beat faster with the tenderness of this gesture.

“To me”, whispered Eliott now and grinned. And Lucas opened the camera in this moment and made a photo.

“Hey! I was not ready”, protested Eliott and Lucas chuckled while opening the photo in his gallery. And it was as he thought: The photo looked super cute. Eliott was leaning over Lucas while looking into Lucas’ eyes with the most soft expression ever. Lucas face couldn’t be seen completely but this was also not about Lucas but about his pretty and immortal boyfriend.

“But you look perfect”, said Lucas grinning while opening Instagram.

“Pf, I don’t.”

“To me, you do. And that’s everything that counts, right?”, said Lucas grinning and planting a kiss on Eliott’s cheek. Eliott looked like he wanted to protest a bit more but he settled back into the pillows, a lazy smile on his face.

Lucas didn’t had to think long for a caption. He smiled while typing it in, knowing, that his friends would bring up Lucas being so fucking cheesy again and again. But Lucas was in love like he never had been before and the whole world could see it. He read over the caption one last time, tagging Eliott and pressing the button to post it.

_Man of my life. @srodulv_

* * *

“Don’t tell me that this is your first pride parade ever, Eliott!”

Lucas was staring at his boyfriend and couldn’t hide his shock. Lucas had been attending the yearly pride parade since he came to terms with his sexuality, his family always warning him not to drink too much and not to hook up too much there. But this time, he wasn’t only out there with Yann, Basile and Arthur. He would attend the parade with his beautiful boyfriend.

“As if Idriss would have gone with me. We are old school, Lucas”, said Eliott with a laugh and Lucas knew that this was a reference to Eliott and Idriss being immortal. When Eliott first introduced Lucas to Idriss as his boyfriend, there hadn’t been any secret left out. Idriss knew Lucas from his former life, of course he did. And Idriss was also immortal. Of course he was, as everyone around him seemed to be suddenly.

“Pride month is the absolutely best month!”, screamed Basile now and earned some cheering from the other people around them. Basile was wearing a pride flag over his shoulders and Lucas shook his head, laughing. He was very happy that his friends had been so supportive of him and his sexuality from the very beginning. And as they offered him to join the pride parade three years ago, he was super happy. And he still was about them being so tolerant.

“As if Basile knows anything about not being fucking straight”, said Yann with a laugh while they were marching with thousands of other people. Despite the heat, Eliott and Lucas were holding hands the whole time, their fingers intervened and their feet dancing to the music around them. Lucas felt free and happy and just generally out and proud.

“Let him have the illusion that he’ll find a girl here”, muttered Arthur who was wearing the bi-flag over his shoulders. And Eliott only shook his head, also smiling the whole time.

“I really had to get the boyfriend with the weirdest friends, right?”

“Hey, you are the one who always behaved like a mass murderer, okay?”, said Yann while laughing and dancing to the same time. And Eliott playfully laid an arm around Yann, smiling the bright smile Lucas loved so much.

“I meant weird in the best way possible.”

“Well, you saved yourself, mec”, answered Yann while also laying an arm around Eliott and Lucas didn’t know how he deserved all this happiness and this love. He actually thought that knowing about your reincarnation was like a curse. But looking back, he really was glad that he knew about it. It even deepened the bond between him and Eliott and it made Lucas realize that life is now and that you should live it fully and to 100%.

They were marching next to each other, dancing, singing, just being themselves.

Nothing could destroy this moment.

But suddenly, Eliott went rigid next to Lucas. His skin turned cold into one second and Lucas frowned, looking up to his boyfriend.

“Eliott?”

Eliott was slowly coming to a stop, his face wearing an expression of pure shock and Lucas slowly but surely started to panic.

“Eliott, what is—”

“Stay here. Stay here with Yann.”

This was all what Eliott said before heading off into the crowd. The other boys were staring after him and Yann was laying a hand on his arm. But no one told Lucas Lallemant what to do, also not his boyfriend. And so he went after Eliott, the boys trailing behind Lucas.

And suddenly, a scream erupted out of the air. To the same time as Eliott seemed to reach his “target”.

“He has a gun!”

“Shit”, cursed Yann and was about to pull Lucas back to the side of the street, panic slowly but surely spreading over the thousands of people who just wanted to celebrate life and love.

And suddenly, Eliott grabbed the man by his coat and Lucas could see the gun in the other one’s hand, reflecting the sunlight.

Panic was now rising inside of Lucas like some big wave. People were pushing past them, the boys slowly losing each other. But Lucas just stood there.

He felt no panic for himself.

But for Eliott.

And suddenly, he recognized the man.

Memories were flashing before his eyes.

A gun.

A scream.

A shot.

Blood.

“LUCAS!”

Yann was screaming his name but Lucas couldn’t leave. Not now.

This was the man who killed Lucas in his last life.

And Eliott wanted to get his revenge.

“No”, whispered Lucas and his feet started to move on their own accord. He wouldn’t lose Eliott just now. He wouldn’t watch as his boyfriend tried to revenge his former death which didn’t matter anymore. None of it did.

Lucas was pushing his way through the crowd, using his elbows to push the people aside.

_Please, don’t get hurt. Don’t do something stupid. Don’t…_

“You little fucker, let go of me.”

“You will regret everything you did in your fucked up life, you asshole.”

“Eliott!”

And this was the moment, Eliott turned his head. And so did the other one. The man with the gun stared at Lucas who was standing inside of the mess of this once happy parade. His eyes widened and Lucas saw some kind of recognition into the eyes of the other one.

And suddenly, he regretted going after Eliott. He regretted not listening to him. Because Lucas was not immortal and Eliott had much more experience in life.

“You”, hissed the man and wanted to dart forward.

He knew that Lucas was alive again. He knew that he was reincarnated.

He knew that he failed.

_Fuck._

“Don’t come close to him or so help me”, screamed Eliott. And suddenly, a shot was ringing through the air.

Screams were filling the air, Lucas’ heartbeat automatically quickened and his phonophobia kicked in. Lucas only heard a ringing in his ear and he was shaking, only staring at Eliott.

Who was going down now.

And clutching his belly where his white shirt slowly but surely started to turn into a bright red.

_No. Please. No._

The other man was grinning lightly, pulling a hood over his face and hiding the gun in his pocket. Lucas wanted to go after him, wanted to rip the other one’s face of. He never wanted to kill someone in his life. But this was the first time. But the police wasn’t fast enough: The man disappeared into the crowd, throwing a meaningful gaze towards Lucas which made him sick. But he couldn’t move. He was still staring at Eliott while panic was clutching his heart tightly, so fucking tightly, that he couldn’t breathe.

“Fuck, Eliott”, screamed Basile now and started to push past Lucas who was still so in shock that he couldn’t move. But this movement ripped Lucas out of his trance and he was running towards his boyfriend.

Towards his boyfriend who just had been shocked and was bleeding like crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm - i'm sorry?


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety, injuries

 

Lucas seemed to move in slow motion. People were pushing past him to save themselves and he was transported back to the day where someone was shooting at the party of his parents, where Eliott saved him and his life.

Maybe it was the same man who just shot Eliott.

Lucas couldn’t seem to get closer to Eliott who curled himself into a ball on the street. Someone was grabbing his arm and Lucas slowly turned his head to see Yann pulling him faster towards Eliott. Lucas wasn’t sure if he would be strong enough to see his boyfriend injured and bleeding because of _him._ Because something terrible happened in his past life and the person who destroyed Eliott’s life with Lucas’ dead was back.

Lucas’ phonophobia nearly kicked in as the screams were getting louder and the sirens of the police cars were getting closer.

_Not now, not now, not—_

“Fuck, Lucas. Look at me.”

Yann’s screaming voice pulled Lucas out of his trance, his body seeming to forget about his phonophobia. And his mind finally seemed to realize that this was not about him but about Eliott.

“Yann”, said Lucas’ breathless as if he had been under water for a long, long time. And Yann knew that Lucas was in shock, he knew Lucas better than himself sometimes and he just pulled the smaller boy into a hug for a moment while the mess, which was the parade some moments before, was going on and on.

Lucas enjoyed the few moments of peace in Yann’s arms. But then he heard Arthur saying Eliott’s name and everything in Lucas only wanted one thing now: To make sure that Eliott was okay. So he nearly pushed Yann away and made his last meters through the crowd, nearly falling down on his knees in front of Eliott. His face was distorted from the pain and he was clutching a spot on his belly where the blood was leaking through his hands.

But he was alive. And that was everything that mattered for now.

“Eli…”, whispered Lucas and pushed a strand of Eliott’s hair out of his eyes while his fingers were shaking. Eliott didn’t reply but only searched for Lucas’ hand with his own, which was not full of blood. Lucas’ squeezed his hands, every word he couldn’t see just now laid into that gesture and he was sure, that Eliott would understand.

“We need to get you to a hospital”, said Lucas with a shaking voice, close to losing his senses and on the edge of a panic attack. He wanted to scream and to cry to the same time, cursing this horrible man and killing him with his bare hands. But he couldn’t do all of this now. He had to be strong for Eliott, who usually was that part in their relationship. Now it was Lucas’ task to hold all of it together.

“Guys, please get us a doctor. I’ll stay here with—”

“No.”

Lucas halted in his words, his head whipping around from looking at the boys to look at Eliott with wide eyes.

“No? Are you fucking kidding me?”

Eliott shook his head.

“Come here”, he said with a weak voice and Lucas was not fucking sure if this was the right time for some cuddling. But he leaned down nevertheless, kissing Eliott’s cheek while hoping it would give the other boy some sort of comfort. But Eliott apparently didn’t need any comfort. He only grabbed Lucas’ hand tighter, forcing him to stay this close.

“I won’t die, Lucas. I’m immortal, forgot about that?”

Some sense was dawning in Lucas.

He was shot in the belly.

_Not directly in his heart._

He would live. And his immortal body would recover very soon. Of course, the wound and the impact of the shot were hurting him. And of course, he was losing a lot of blood. But all of this was nothing that could kill him.

And his friends couldn’t know about this.

Lucas slowly nodded, signalling Eliott with that, that he understand and that he would change the course of their actions for now. If they would take Eliott to a hospital, the doctors would ask him questions. Questions how it was possible for him to survive a wound like that for so long and with that much blood loss. And he couldn’t answer them because people like Eliott weren’t supposed to exist.

“Okay, we’re doing it differently. No hospital.”

“Are you fucking mad, man?”, asked Basile with a high pitched voice and wide eyes.

“I have to agree with Basile here for once”, answered Arthur who looked equally shock behind his big glasses. Lucas couldn’t blame them. For any other human being, Eliott was close to death and only a doctor could _maybe_ help him now. But Eliott was something special, he was more than a human being and to explain this to his friends just now was impossible.

Lucas slowly sat up, driving both of his hands through his hair while taking a deep breath.

“If we’re bringing him to a hospital now, the doctors would ask questions. And the police too. Questions about what happened and why he even attacked that guy and—”

“Yeah, I also would like to know how you even knew that he had a gun”, said Yann now while furrowing his eyebrows.

“Another story”, said Lucas quickly and looked at his friends, “Look, you guys have to trust me now. We have to bring him to his apartment. His flat mate will know what to do.”

_At least he had been on earth long enough on this earth to know at least_ something _about it._

Yann, Arthur and Basile were exchanging glances now, communicating with their eyes without speaking. But Lucas knew his friends too good to see the exact moment they decided to agree to Lucas’ mad plan. Yann sighed deeply and leaned down, the police officers approaching some people to talk with them about what happened and who started all of it. Most people already left and if they wouldn’t leave now too, the police would find them, see that Eliott was bleeding like crazy and ask the exact questions which couldn’t be answered just now.

“Okay, where do we have to go?”

A smile started to spread on Lucas’ face as Yann officially agreed to their plan and he explained them where Eliott lived. Lucas turned around to his boyfriend, who apparently still was in pain and it hurt Lucas more than he would ever admit. He planted a soft kiss on Eliott’s forehead and looked at Eliott.

“Can you walk?”, Lucas asked softly and Eliott nodded shortly.

“I’ll try.”

Lucas smiled and with a nod, all of them were helping Eliott up on his feet, covering his bleeding body with their jackets and their own bodies so the police wouldn’t get suspicious. Eliott groaned silently, his teeth clenched together and every muscle of him was tensed. Lucas and Yann laid an arm around Eliott, helping him to stand. Everyone was out of breath by the moment Eliott was on his feet, ready to walk.

“If this has already been so difficult, how should we survive an half an hour walk through the whole city?”, asked Basile out of breathe and Lucas shot him a look.

“How very optimistic from you, Basile”, mumbled Eliott and Arthur couldn’t help but laugh quietly.

“At least he hasn’t lost his humour till now.”

And with that statement, Arthur made Eliott smile a bit which warmed Lucas’ heart enormously. They would make it. They could make it.

They had to.

“Okay, let’s go”, said Lucas softly and the little group with the shot boy in the middle of them was moving forward, step by step, towards a sanctuary.

* * *

“Fucking hell”, murmured Eliott as they finally reached his house. He couldn’t believe that he was still conscious by now. The boys had nearly carried him all the way, Eliott not being able to walk properly at all with a big, open wound in his belly. This was not the first time he had been shot in his immortal life but it hurt like shit every fucking time.

“You did so well till now”, said Lucas’ soft voice close to his ear and Eliott remembered why he got that wound. Because of that fucking piece of shit who killed Lucas in his former life. And he dragged all of the boys into this whole affair without their knowledge.

Only because Eliott was so stupid and unable to control his temper.

_You stupid idiot._

He deserved every little bit of the pain he was in.

“Okay, you can leave him to me and his flatmate now.”

“You sure?”, asked Yann. He was breathing heavily, as were all of them, to be honest, but he still was worried that Lucas couldn’t make it on his own.

He was still worried about Eliott and Eliott was not sure if he deserved this amount of kindness.

“Sure, get some rest.”

“Thank you”, mumbled Eliott and lifted his head. His skin was covered in sweat from the pain and his messy hair was sticking to his forehead. But he wouldn’t let all of them go without thanking them.

“I really, really appreciate your help.”

“Get well soon, mec”, said Basile and gave Eliott a soft clap on his back, “I need you to play video games with me again soon.”

Eliott smiled weakly and nodded.

“I’ll give my best.”

And with that, Arthur, Basile and Yann were leaving, breathing heavily while leaning against each other for support, sweaty but happy, that they could help Eliott. For now, it was just Lucas and him again. Eliott looked up to Lucas and allowed himself to be weak now. He buried his face into the crook of his boyfriend’s neck and took a shaky breath.

“I’m sorry”, whispered Eliott and he swallowed down the stupid tears which were threating to run down his cheeks.

“I should have controlled my temper. And you should have run away. And—”

“Shut up, Eliott.”

Eliott lifted his head and saw a soft expression on Lucas’ face which stood in a great contrast to his words.

“We can talk about all of this later, okay?”

Eliott nodded and watched as Lucas rang the bell.

“Yup?”

“Idriss? I need your help here.”

“Lucas? What is—”

“Just come down, won’t you?”

With a click, the door opened and Lucas dragged Eliott inside the hallway. Idriss was running down the stairs and as he saw Eliott, he stopped in his tracks, his jaw dropping.

“Holy fucking shit, Eliott!”

“Shhhhhh, not the whole house needs to know that I should have been dead by now”, hissed Eliott and he could hear a quiet chuckle from Lucas next to him. It warmed his cold heart.

“What the fuck happened?”, asked Idriss and rushed down the last steps. He was way taller and also stronger than Lucas and Eliott was glad that Lucas didn’t refuse to step aside as Idriss laid an arm around Eliott to help him up the stairs.

“I saw the man who…”

“He saw the man who killed me and wanted to get his revenge on him.”

“This is NOT what happened”, protested Eliott and groaned as he tried to climb the stairs, “I saw him with a pistol and I didn’t want him to make another murder at the pride parade.”

“So… that means you saved the whole pride parade?”

“I mean, I don’t know if you could call it like this…”

“Yeah, he did”, answered Lucas for Eliott and held his hand the whole time. Eliott was glad that he could squeeze something to distract himself from the pain he was in.

“Our hero,” said Idriss with a grin and pushed open the door with his foot.

“Now you are mocking me.”

Eliott was so glad to finally be at home. Lucas and Idriss helped him to the couch and as he finally fell onto it, Eliott closed his eyes for a moment. His body was still so full of adrenaline that sleep wouldn’t get to him soon but laying here and not needing to stand upright was enough for now. Idriss pulled a chair to the couch while Lucas kneeled down next to Eliott’s head, pressing a kiss to his cheek and taking his hand in his own. Eliott felt so much love right now that he nearly forgot what they were talking about just moments before.

“Oh, I wouldn’t say this”, said Idriss now and leaned back in his chair, “I just think it’s, I don’t know, kinda dumb that you put yourself in this situation. Every other man would have been dead by now.

“I just saw red as I spotted that man, I couldn’t think straight.”

“Eli.”

Eliott looked up and was aware of Lucas watching him the whole time.

“You cannot kill this man for something he maybe doesn’t even remember anymore”, said Idriss with a serious tone in his voice, “I can understand that you want to see him dead. But every person should have forgotten about Lucas’ former existence.”

“Yeah, that’s true, but—”

“He remembers.”

Eliott forgot his pain for a moment and his eyes flicked to Lucas who had gone very still over this whole conversation.

“What?”, breathed Eliott now and he felt like the ground would swallow him immediately.

“He remembers me. I saw it in his eyes and the way he looked at me. The realization hit him as he spotted me in the crowd.”

Eliott had the feeling to throw up right there and then.

“But this is not possible. He cannot remember you. Are you sure that he—”

“I am sure”, said Lucas seriously, “I didn’t just imagine that. I saw it with my own eyes.” He now turned to Eliott who wasn’t able to speak at all. “That’s why I wasn’t there earlier. I… I was frozen in place because I also recognized him.”

“Lucas…”

Eliott couldn’t hide the tears anymore. The pain and the things that happened were too much for him now.

And the guilt.

The fucking guilt.

“Oh fuck”, whispered Eliott now and ran a shaking hand through his hair, “This – This is all my fault.”

“Eliott”, said Idriss now but Eliott couldn’t listen to him just now.

“I… I wanted to make things better this time. And now… now he knows that you still live. And he will try to kill you again. And this is all my fault. If I would have controlled my temper and myself, he wouldn’t know about you and—”

“And someone else would be dead by now”, said Lucas and Eliott stopped to ramble for a moment. Lucas looked at him with those beautiful blue eyes and he couldn’t believe that this boy fell in love with him again. He didn’t deserve him or any of his love. And now his boy was in danger again. He couldn’t let something happen to him, he needed to protect him – he owned him that and so fucking more.

“What happened, happened”, continued Lucas now while squeezing Eliott’s hand reassuringly, “You told me to stay behind but I didn’t listen. So it’s my fault. And he saw me, yeah. But what now? He maybe won’t be so dumb to try killing me again. We are prepared now, we know what to look out for.”

“How… How can you be so calm?”, asked Eliott with a broken voice and his gaze flew from Lucas to Idriss, “How can both of you be so calm?”

“Because Lucas’s right. We know who to look out for. We know where we should pay more attention and where not. And Lucas was reincarnated for another chance in life – why should all of this happen again?”

Lucas and Eliott already talked about it and Eliott knew Lucas now too good to not see the shadow passing behind his eyes. He knew that his boyfriend was afraid and that all of this was his fault.

“And… And what should we do now?”, whispered Eliott with a broken voice. He couldn’t believe that he really was that dumb. That the murderer from his former Lucas knew about his new Lucas now.

“You are going to get well now”, said Lucas with a little smile and laid his head on the pillow next to Eliott’s, “And then… then we are just going to live our life. Minute by minute.”

Eliott looked into those blue eyes and got lost in them.

Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe Eliott was chasing a ghost. And he couldn’t live in the past, he had to be there for the present Lucas.

“Okay?”, asked Lucas.

The fatigue was finally coming for Eliott. The pain inside his bones was dull now but his body needed time to fix the things that happened to him. Eliott could only nod while grabbing Lucas’ hand, holding it so tightly as if his life depended on it.

He couldn’t lose Lucas once more.

It would break him.

“Okay”, where Eliott’s last words before his body finally shut down and he fell into a deep and dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you all waited a long time so here you go, take a deep breath my mecs


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety, death

Days passed and Lucas could literally watch as Eliott’s wound fixed itself. It was unbelievable for him that a wound which would have killed every other man was fixing itself till only a fading scar was left. Eliott was feeling better although Lucas knew that he still had so much guilt inside of him. He was more protective over Lucas than usually from this day on and Lucas couldn’t blame him – he would do exactly the same if he was in Eliott’s place. And it would be a lie if Lucas would say that all of this didn’t scare him. But Lucas, as well as Eliott, tried to live his life as if nothing happened. Minute by minute.

“Eliott?”

“Hm…?

“Are you asleep?”

Lucas turned his head to Eliott who had his arms around the smaller boy. Lucas felt always so at peace and safe when he slept next to Eliott in his bed. They had been lying like this for an hour now, dozing and just holding the other one. Lucas spent more nights here than at home and his parents had already realized that, too.

“Half asleep.”

Eliott’s voice was raspy and it always kind of turned Lucas on when his boyfriend had a much deeper voice than usually. Lucas chuckled and kissed Eliott’s cheek before sitting halfway up, pushing himself up on his elbow to look at Eliott. His lashes were thick and his eyes closed and Lucas asked himself for the thousandth time in the last few months how he deserved a beautiful and perfect boyfriend like him. In this life and in his former life.

“What is it, choupi?”

Lucas smiled softly at this nickname and the excitement inside of him regarding the thing he would say now slowly faded away. Lucas took a deep breath.

“My parents want to meet you.”

Silence.

Eliott slowly opened his eyes and furrowed his brows at this, looking at Lucas and searching for any signs of mockery on the face of the other boy. But Lucas was serious. Absolutely serious.

“Do you think that this is a good idea?”, asked Eliott slowly but without any judgement at all.

“I told my parents about you”, said Lucas instead of answering to the question, “I couldn’t sneak out at night anymore without them realising that. And my mum was super excited and—” Lucas sighed deeply, “And they want to meet you. At our gala tomorrow.”

Eliott’s jaw literally dropped at this and Lucas had to hide a smile at this.

“Tomorrow?”

He knew that Eliott was totally anxious regarding meeting his parents, they already talked about this.

“Eliott, I want my parents to know who the man of my life is. I want them to know how happy you make me, how you complete me.”

Eliott’s expression softened at that and so Lucas kept going.

“I love you. Please… join me tomorrow.”

Eliott ran a hand through his hair. Lucas could see Eliott considering everything. He wanted to show Eliott to the whole world. Eliott belonged to him, more than anyone could ever understand. But his parents were also a really important part of Lucas’ life. And he wanted to share his happiness with them.

Some moments passed before Eliott groaned dramatically and Lucas started to grin, wrapping his arms around Eliott.

“I knew that you would say yes.”

“What I wouldn’t do for you, Lulu”, whispered Eliott while trying to hide the smile on his lips, “But do I have to wear a suit?”

“Oh, of course. You looked so super hot the last time”, said Lucas while smiling and laying his lips on Eliott’s neck. The other one sighed and Lucas knew that every protest died down now.

“And besides that… I would love to undress a fancy suit from you at the end of the night.”

Eliott grinned widely and turned them around so Lucas was laying under Eliott now.

“I’m taking this as a promise”, whispered Eliott close to Lucas’ lips and before Lucas could reply anything, they were already lost into the kisses of the other one.

* * *

 

Eliott would have to get used to wearing a suit now since he was together with the son of the most influential politician of France. But he definitely preferred his joggers and a sweatshirt while holding Lucas in his arms. Eliott waited for his boyfriend in front of his house, the hands lazily in the pockets of his trousers while leaning with one shoulder against the wall.

As Lucas was driving around the corner with his motorbike, he pushed himself off of the wall with a grin. But as Lucas stopped, climbing off the vehicle and taking off the helmet, running a hand through his hair, his jaw dropped.

Lucas had always been hot in his eyes.

But _this_ was too much for Eliott to take.

Lucas was wearing a black suit and a very tight shirt underneath. The tie was coming loose and his hair was messy as usual, his eyes a piercing blue. Eliott really had to take every strength inside of him to not lift Lucas off his feet in this moment and do some _things_ with him.

“Who’s this beautiful stranger?”, asked Lucas with a grin on his lips while walking towards Eliott. Eliott slowly came to his senses again, his blood still boiling inside of him. But he just smirked at Lucas with the crooked smile of his and tilted his head.

“I don’t know. Who are you?”

Lucas laughed and pulled Eliott to him, tiptoeing so that he could reach his lips and kiss him briefly.

“You’re a smooth motherfucker, Eliott Demaury.”

“So are you, Lucas Lallemant.”

Lucas laughed and pulled Eliott towards the motorbike.

“Are you ready to encounter my parents?”

“As ready as I can be. I’m glad I haven’t thrown up yet.”

“Don’t you dare to do this while you’re sitting behind me!”

Eliott laughed while putting his helmet on and took his place behind Lucas, wrapping his arms around the smaller boy.

“Regarding your driving style, I cannot promise anything.”

Lucas laughed and took off with a howling motor. And Eliott was sure that this would turn into a good day.

Little did he know.

* * *

 

“I didn’t know that there would be so many people.”

Eliott looked around, hands in his pockets again and for the first time in forever he felt kind of shy. There were so many people and Lucas surely knew all of them personally. And at the thought that he would meet Lucas’ parents in a few moments, his heart was beating still faster. Eliott wanted that Lucas’ parents liked him. Because Eliott loved him and he would do everything for Lucas – And Eliott hoped that his parents would accept that and see the strong love for their son in Eliott’s every action.

“If I would’ve told you, you wouldn’t be here now.”

“What an intelligent boyfriend I have”, said Eliott quietly with a smirk and Lucas took his hand, showing everyone that they belonged together. Some of them looked weirdly at them and Eliott was not sure if the photographers took photos of Lucas only or of the two of them together. He was already preparing himself to be on the cover of some stupid trash magazine where the headline would be: LUCAS LALLEMANT’S NEW FLAME.

Eliott nearly chuckled to himself.

The things he did for Lucas.

“Okay, Eliott. I told my parents about you coming tonight. And they are over there, waiting for us.”

Lucas inclined his head towards a man and a woman and Eliott knew immediately that they were Lucas’ parents. Lucas looked exactly like his mum: soft eyes, a lovely smile, brownish hazelnut coloured hair. And he had the serious look, which Lucas was sometimes wearing, from his father.

Eliott took a deep breath, looking at Lucas.

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?”

Lucas grinned widely and pulled Eliott towards his parents. Eliott tried to calm down, he was immortal, for gods sake, he has already survived many other, many more difficult situations.

“Mum? Dad?”

Eliott’s heartbeat seemed to went faster even more as the both of them turned around to look at him. He tried to smile sweetly but it ended up being a little shy.

“I want to introduce you to someone. This is Eliott Demaury. My boyfriend.”

Eliott smiled and stretched out his hand towards the both of them.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

As if he had waited for this moment to happen.

What he didn’t at all.

Lucas’ mum started to beam and instead of shaking his hand, she took Eliott in an embrace immediately, holding him tightly as if he was the lost son of their family. And Eliott’s smile deepened.

“It was about time that we finally met”, said his mum while pulling away, holding Eliott an armlength away from her to study him. “You are a tall, handsome young man and you seem to treat my baby well.”

“Mum”, said Lucas and his cheeks reddened. If Eliott hadn’t been in love already, he would be by now, looking at Lucas with this blissed out expression on his face.

“Welcome to our family, Eliott.”

“Thank you so much”, replied Eliott with a honest and bright smile on his lips. He didn’t know why he was afraid of meeting them – of course his parents would be nice, why did he thought about anything else?

“Eliott, huh?”

Eliott’s gaze flew from Lucas’ lovely mum to the his dad. Erik Lallemant, very influential politician, was staring him down, from top to bottom.

“Yes, sir”, answered Eliott and nearly saluted at the words from Lucas’ dad. He had some kind of charisma that made everyone around him feel respect towards him. Eliott was aware that Lucas watching them the whole time and one wrong step from him would surely anger Erik Lallemant now.

“You’re studying at the same college like Lucas?”

“Yes, sir.”

“And you’re treating my son well?”

“Yes, sir. I would never harm him and I will forever protect him, if it’s in my power”, said Eliott with the most honest voice Lucas had ever heard from him. Eliott straightened even more, looking directly at Erik Lallemant while speaking his next words.

“I love your son. And I will always love him.”

Eliott could feel Lucas shifting closer, their hands intertwining on their own accord. Eliott took his eyes away from Erik Lallemant shortly to give Lucas a love-drunken smile. The deep rumble of Lucas’ dad laughing brought him back to reality and down from cloud nine.

“It really seems like you have honest intentions”, said Erik Lallemant with a little smile now.

“I do, sir.”

“Could you please stop asking the poor boy out? Let our kids have fun”, said Lucas’ mum now and Eliott felt his insides flooding with an unfamiliar warmth. It seems like he found not only Lucas, the love of his life, but also a family.

And this was more than anyone could ask for.

Erik Lallemant laughed quietly and laid an arm around his wife, kissing her temple. Lucas told Eliott that there wasn’t always this harmony between them. But Eliott was glad that he got introduced to them on a day where their mood seemed to be good.

“You’re right, darling. But I’m watching you, Eliott”, said his dad with some humour in his voice and Eliott couldn’t help himself as a bright smile broke out onto his face. This time, he really saluted and joined into the laugh of Lucas’ parents.

“Yes, sir.”

And with that, Lucas pulled him away, a beaming smile on his face. When they were out of sight from Lucas’ parents, he wrapped his arms around Eliott and kissed him, long and deeply and Eliott felt nothing but pure love.

“Did I do everything right?”, asked Eliott quietly between one or two kisses. As an answer, Lucas kissed Eliott again, making the taller boy chuckle and only pulling Lucas closer to him.

“They love you”, said Lucas with his lips against Eliott’s, “Like I do, too.”

* * *

 

Lucas and Eliott danced through the whole night. And Lucas had never been happier. His parents accepted his boyfriend and they were now official the cutest pair on this whole gala. Lucas lived every minute fully and whenever Eliott smiled at him with that beautiful smile of his, his knees got weak and he felt like hugging the whole world.

But at some point, something was off.

Eliott started to glance around the room, looking at everyone and no one to the same time. Nearly every guest was dancing by now, the lights were dimmed and the music was good. But Eliott seemed to be nervous as if something was about to happen.

And Lucas got nervous through that, too.

“Eli, what’s wrong?”

“What?”

Eliott’s head whipped around from inspecting his surroundings, looking down at Lucas who he held tightly in his arms. And Lucas only raised his eyebrows. He wasn’t dumb and he could read in Eliott like he could read a book by now. Eliott let out a deep breath, snuggling his face into the mess which was Lucas’ hair.

“I don’t know… I feel –”

“Nervous?”

Eliott furrowed his eyebrows, stopping in his dancing moves to look at Lucas.

“Yeah… Nervous. How do you know?”

“Because your nervousness makes me nervous too.”

Eliott sighed and kissed Lucas’ forehead apologetically.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you nervous? Do you… have a bad feeling or…?”

Lucas was not sure how to approach this topic. He was not sure how to make Eliott understand that he also had some kind of bad feeling. That his eyes were also darting around the room. That he had the feeling of some kind of throwback happening soon to the time where someone randomly shot around their last party and Eliott saved his life.

“I cannot tell you what it is, Lucas… I just—”

And suddenly, someone grabbed Lucas’ arm, pulling him around violently. Lucas’ breath caught in his throat as he looked into the eyes of the man before him. Something cold pressed itself against Lucas’ rips. Exactly on the spot, where his heart was now beating way too fast.

This was not happening.

This couldn’t be happening.

His assassin found him again.

_No._

_Fuck, no._

“I killed you in your last life. And I will do it again.”

Lucas’ opened his mouth to scream, to say something, to do anything at all.

But suddenly, a shot rang through the air and he went down.

Screams were erupting from the crowd while Lucas was laying on the floor, eyes pressed tightly together.

_I cannot do this to Eliott again._

The sounds started to fade into the background of his mind as he waited for the pain to burn his insides. As he waited for death to come and get him.

But there was no pain.

There was his beating heart, the panic inside of him still fresh and not giving place to unconsciousness.

Lucas started to scan his body with his hands, searching for any injuries. But there was none. No blood, no wounds, no sign that he was about to die.

But if he wasn’t dying right now…

_No._

Lucas was short to hyperventilation as he turned around, dizzy from the fast and sudden movement. His heart was beating painfully against his chest out of fear what he would see now.

Tears were starting to fill his eyes as he saw him.

 _No. No, no, no. Please, let me wake up. This is_ not real.

Lucas did not fall down because of the shot. He did not fall down because the assassin chased a bullet through his still beating heart.

He fell down because someone pushed him out of the way.

Because Eliott pushed him out of the way.

Because Eliott saved him.

Because Eliott took the shot which was meant for Lucas.

Directly into his heart.

_Directly into his heart._

Lucas stared at Eliott whose eyes were close, the red speck on his white shirt spreading slowly, so fucking slowly as if the blood would take over his whole body.

Someone had caught the assassin who was laughing frantically in the background.

Lucas crawled over to Eliott, not caring about anyone or anything at all right now. He would never, never ever forget this imagine of Eliott lying in his own blood in front of him. Of Eliott who was getting paler and paler now.

“Eliott?”

Lucas’ voice was shaking, there was so much fear in it.

And Eliott…

Eliott didn’t open his eyes.

And Lucas started to scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are 3 chapters left. 3. chapters. and although the fandom is dead, i will continue to post this


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety, dying

People were gathering slowly but surely, some people already fought their way out into the air and into some safe space. But Lucas couldn’t stop to scream, to weep, to shake Eliott and yell at him to wake the fuck up. The blood from Eliott’s wound was spreading over his whole body and Lucas’ hands were covered in it in a short time.

Lucas looked at his hands in horror, another scream fighting its way up his throat.

_This is not happening. This cannot be happening._

The constant in his life, even in his death, was lying in front of him now, bleeding and… dying.

The only way he could die was a shot into his heart.

Lucas’ gaze wandered up his chest and he felt something dying inside of him as he saw where the bullet entered Eliott’s body.

_He’s still breathing. Don’t give up._

“Eliott, for fucks sake, wake up”, cried Lucas again and shook him by the shoulders like crazy. Someone tried to pull him away from Eliott but not even a whole army would make him leave Eliott’s side right now. Someone was calling his name, someone called for a doctor, some people even pulled out their phones to document all of this.

Lucas wanted to punch all of them in the face.

But every little thing shifted into the background as Eliott suddenly took a shaky breath and forced his eyes open, eyelids fluttering while doing so. Lucas wept even more now, his heart beating faster again while his head fell down onto Eliott’s chest, hands still on his boyfriend’s shoulders.

_I’m here. I will hold you, no matter what’s happening now._

“You are alive”, whispered Lucas now and lifted his head again to look at Eliott. He was pale and he clearly struggled to breathe.

And Lucas knew what all of this meant.

He felt it.

_But he’s alive… For now._

“Eli, talk to me. A doctor will be here soon”, whispered Lucas breathless and kept staring at Eliott. He had heard that badly injured people should never fall unconscious in this state, that they would surely die when doing so. So Lucas tried to keep him awake at any costs. But Eliott only started to smile a bit through all the pain he was in and lifted his hand, shaking and cupped Lucas’ face with it. Lucas closed his eyes while tears were rolling down his face the whole time.

“You cannot die”, said Lucas with a raspy voice and he was so fucking close to losing it all, “You are immortal. You cannot die.”

Eliott looked into Lucas’ eyes and his normally shiny eyes had a dull colour now.

It scared Lucas so much.

“You know where I was shot”, whispered Eliott and looked at Lucas. Lucas started to shake his head, opening his mouth to protest but Eliott stopped him with his next words.

“And I would do it all again”, said Eliott and coughed, his face twisting in pain. But he kept looking at Lucas with his eyes, holding his hand in place on Lucas’ cheek. When he spoke his next words, Lucas had the feeling that his heart might break into thousand pieces.

“Lucas, I love you.”

Lucas shook his head like crazy, his lips wobbling and his eyes wouldn’t stop leaking.

“Stop this, Eliott. This is not a goodbye. You will live.”

“Stop lying to yourself, choupi.”

Eliott’s voice was so weak, so different from his otherwise clear and soft voice which Lucas could recognize everywhere. Someone was screaming and pushed their way through the crowd which gathered around Eliott and Lucas. But Lucas only had eyes for Eliott.

“I’m not lying to myself”, protested Lucas now, anger and fear lying in his words, “You will live.”

Lucas laid a hand on Eliott’s, shaking and still crying. His face was wet and bloody from the time where he laid his head on Eliott’s body. But he couldn’t care less.

“I—I have so many things planed for us”, continued Lucas and he could see that this was hitting Eliott hard. But he couldn’t stop himself. He still had so many things he wanted to do with Eliott and he should know all of them – his stupid body should know every little thing it would miss if it decided to die right there and then. Because Lucas wouldn’t allow this.

“I want to get old with you, I want to marry you and adopt thousands of dogs. And maybe even a little child. A girl. Or a boy. I don’t fucking care. And I want to travel with you, see the world, visit every pride parade on this planet. I want to go to Disneyland with you and take cheesy photos and show the whole world that you are the man of my dreams, my soulmate, my better half, the man I chose to love and the man I chose to live with.”

Lucas couldn’t stop crying and he was sure that Eliott couldn’t even make out any words through all of the sobbing Lucas currently did. Lucas was reincarnated because of Eliott, his purpose in life was to find Eliott again and have the time of his life with the boy he loved. Eliott could not just… die. This was _not_ how things were supposed to go. This was not how Lucas imagined his life to be. And he didn’t even know if he wanted to continue living without his soulmate in his life, without the man he loved so much.

A single tear slipped down Eliott’s cheek now and it broke Lucas more than anything else.

“I’m sorry that I cannot give all of this to you. You deserve the world and more”, started Eliott and Lucas shook his head again, digging his hands into Eliott’s shoulders out of fear that the other boy would just… disappear. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me in my immortal life, Lucas Lallemant”, whispered Eliott and Lucas had to lean down to understand him, “You were the light of my life. The reason I got up in the morning all these years. The reason why I never gave up and kept searching for you.”

Lucas couldn’t stop crying and Eliott didn’t make it any better.

“I love you so much. I could never stop loving you.”

“Then why the fuck did you throw yourself in front of me”, asked Lucas while sobbing uncontrollable. This was all a bad dream. A nightmare. Soon, they would wake up in the arms of the other and everything would be well and okay.

And instead of explaining himself, Eliott just smiled. He pulled Lucas down and kissed his lips, Lucas shaking the whole time while clinging to Eliott.

“Because the cycle is broken now”, said Eliott so quietly that Lucas was not sure if he understood him correctly, “I was wrong, Lucas. Your story, your life always has to end this way. Someone trying to shoot you. But this time… This time I made it better. I used my other chance and you will live.”

Lucas had the feeling that his insides were on fire from all the emotional pain he was in.

“And now you are free to live your life without any danger”, continued Eliot, “To be happy and adopt all the dogs in this world and be a good father for your future children. And I will always be there to watch over you although you cannot see me. I will always love you.”

And with that, Eliott slackened in Lucas’ grip.

_No._

“Eliott?”

Lucas lifted his head from where it had been laying on Eliott’s shoulder.

Eliott’s eyes were closed, his face paler than ever.

“Eliott?”, asked Lucas again, his voice rising in panic. He started to shake Eliott, not being aware of how it might hurt the other one.

_No. No. No._

“Eliott. Wake up, Eliott.”

The people around him murmured and someone tried to pull him away again.

Lucas swirled around, so much anger inside of him that he had the feeling of becoming a murderer.

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!”, screamed Lucas and turned around to Eliott, shaking him again and again while whispering his name, not realizing that the pulse of the other one was fading away more and more.

“Excuse me, but I’m a doctor”, said the voice behind him who just tried to drag him away from Eliott.

A doctor.

Someone who could help Eliott.

Lucas was on his feet in mere seconds and swayed, feeling dizzy and empty and lost. He looked at the doctor with his big, blue eyes and grabbed him by his shirt.

“Please. You have to help him”, whispered Lucas and kneeled down again next to Eliott, the doctor sitting down beside him. He went over Eliott, checking his wound, not saying anything at all while doing so. Lucas rocked back and forth, always staring at Eliott and whispered phrases about how much he needed him and that he couldn’t live alone and without him. He couldn’t believe that a day which started this good was turning into the worst day of his life. He couldn’t believe that he took Eliott and their relationship for granted, he couldn’t believe that he dragged Eliott to this gala.

This was all his fault and Lucas would always, for the rest of his stupid life, blame himself for this.

Sirens could be heard in the distance and paramedics where pushing through the crowd with a stretcher.

Finally, the doctor lifted his head. Lucas looked at him, fucking afraid of what would come next.

“It seems like the bullet only brushed his heart. It didn’t went completely through, as far as I can tell now. Otherwise he would be dead by now.”

_Otherwise he would be dead by now._

But he isn’t.

That means that there is a chance.

Lucas was clinging to every little bit of hope their was in this hopeless situation.

“We will take him to the hospital immediately. And we will try our best.”

“Please. Please, make him live. I cannot live without him.”

The doctor stood up, helping the paramedics to put the unconscious Eliott onto the stretcher while Lucas was by his side the whole time. He would never leave his side.

Also not in death.

“I don’t know if he will survive, monsieur”, said the doctor now with a soft and honest voice.

And Lucas just lifted his head, the tears slowly drying and some fighting spirit could be seen in his eyes. He cried enough now. The hope that there might be a tiny chance for Eliott to live manifested itself in Lucas’ body and burned brighter than any pain inside of him. Brighter than the sun itself.

He would not give up.

And Eliott wouldn’t give up either, Lucas could feel that.

Their love survived death before.

And it will survive death again.

“Then make him or so god help me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two more chapters to go.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: anxiety, death

 

Darkness.

Nothing but darkness.

And pain.

A lot of pain.

And a voice.

_His_ voice.

Someone talking.

Lucas?

_Lucas, where are you?_

They had been dancing a second ago.

And then?

A shot.

A blinding pain.

His heart…

Stopped.

And his breathing?

Stopped.

He was going to die.

The immortal boy was dying.

Sirens.

_No._

Someone talking to him.

Someone laying him down somewhere.

He would fight.

Fight for Lucas.

Fight for their love.

Fight for everything.

And suddenly.

Nothing.

No pain.

No Lucas.

Darkness.

Only Darkness.

* * *

 

_“I don’t know if this is a good idea. We could also walk home”, said Eliott while holding Lucas’ hand._

_But Lucas shook his head, pulling him to his motorbike and swinging himself on it._

_“You act like I haven’t driven at night in ages.”_

_“Well… You haven’t. And there are cruel people out there at night.”_

_Lucas rolled his eyes playfully and handed Eliott his helmet, laughing._

_“C’mon Eli. You’re my knight, you will defend me.”_

_Eliott couldn’t help himself and smirked now, climbing onto the seat behind Lucas and wrapped his arms around him. They had been dancing all night and the sexual tension between the two of them was high. Eliott’s hand slowly slid down Lucas’ chest, stopping just shortly above his jeans. And he could feel Lucas’ breathing faster._

_“And if we would have walked home, I would have to wait even longer for you to undress me.”_

_Eliott laughed quietly and shifted even closer to Lucas._

_“You’ve got a point.”_

_“I always do.”_

_And with that, they took off into the night. Eliott was happy with Lucas, the boy he couldn’t take his eyes off at college and he was happy to be in love with him. They were driving through the night, Eliott’s head leaning against Lucas’ shoulder._

_“The project for my first short film is going really well. I just have to cut some things and put sound over it and—”_

_Eliott loved to listen to Lucas talking about the things he was passionate about. He imagined how his eyes were shining behind the helmet and how he beamed with light._

_“And then I can hand it in and it will—”_

Boom.

_The noise come out of nowhere. Lucas lost control over his bike and before Eliott could even start to scream, they were crashing into a wall, both of them falling down from the vehicle. Eliott felt dizzy, his head was pounding with pain. But he pulled himself up, looking over to Lucas who was everything he cared for._

_“Lulu? Are you okay?”, asked Eliott and crawled to his boyfriend who laid motionless in front of the wall._

_“Lucas?”_

_Lucas was lying with his back to Eliott and he slowly turned him around, carefully in case he might be hurt._

_And he was hurt._

_Eliott had the feeling to faint._

_Lucas’ whole body was covered in… blood._

_Fucking blood._

_“Lucas? Oh my fucking god. Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck.”_

_Eliott couldn’t see where the blood came from._

_But he knew that he had to act._

_“HELP! I NEED HELP!”, screamed Eliott and looked around. But he saw only one person. A person with a gun. A person with a gun who was grinning and now turning around, running down the street. He would never forget that face._

_Eliott looked back to Lucas, fully in a panic mood right now as the realization hit in._

_Lucas had been shot._

_And he was dying._

_“Lucas?”, Eliott’s voice was shaking now and he shook his boyfriend slightly. But Lucas didn’t open his eyes. His body was damaged too much._

_And Eliott could do nothing as he watched the love of his life die._

_He wept openly now, leaning down and whispering words into Lucas’ ear – a promise._

_“I will find you again. I will wait for you and you will be reincarnated. And I will find you again in your next lifetime.”_

_Eliott cried and held Lucas’ close as he watched Lucas’ pulse faint more and more._

_“This is not the end.”_

* * *

 

Eliott woke up with a jolt. The light above him was blinding him and he had to blink a few times before his vision finally adjusted itself.

_Where am I?_

Eliott slowly turned his head, looking around. There were beeping machines, and sunlight was spilling into the room. Everything was white and clean and he was lying in a bed, not really able to move.

And suddenly, he realized.

He was in a hospital.

And he was awake.

_I’m alive._

He was alive and not dead.

He made it.

But how…?

There was only one way to kill him and the fucker who tried to kill Lucas hit him directly into the heart as he threw himself in front of Lucas. He had to be dead by now.

But instead…

Instead he felt more alive than ever.

_Because this is the case._

Eliott didn’t know where he got that information from, if his body told him all of this or some higher force whispered it into his mind.

But he knew that from this moment on, he wasn’t immortal anymore.

He could feel everything so clear, so much more. The pain he was in was not dull, it was a blinding fire. The colours looked differently and everything seemed to be… more real.

Maybe it was the near-death experience, maybe it was sheer will to be together with Lucas and grow old with him without Lucas looking at Eliott who stayed young and regretting every decision in his life.

Or maybe it was fate.

But Eliott wasn’t immortal anymore and he couldn’t be happier.

“Monsieur Demaury, you’re finally awake.”

Eliott turned his head as someone spoke to him and the doctor walked over to him with a smile on his face, looking absolutely content.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I rose from death”, answered Eliott honestly and the doctor couldn’t hide a smile anymore.

“Which is exactly the case, monsieur”, answered the doctor and took position in front of Eliott’s bed, “But you and your body fought really hard. You were lucky that the bullet only skimmed your heart and not went through it. That’s why you survived. And because of you not giving up, of course.”

_What a fucking lucky bastard I am._

Eliott could do nothing but smile right now and he hoped that the doctor knew how thankful he was for his work. But the doctor apparently knew what Eliott needed now more than anything in this world.

“There’s a young man outside who had been waiting the whole day for you to wake up.”

Eliott’s eyes lit up and he slowly pulled himself up into a sitting position.

“Please, send him in.”

The doctor smiled and opened the door.

And Eliott couldn’t hold back his tears anymore. Lucas was running inside as fast as he could and threw his arms around Eliott. It was painful because of the still fresh wounds but Eliott couldn’t care less right now. He wrapped his arms around the smaller boy and both of them wept for some minutes, just holding the other one while realizing that they had beaten death again.

“You’re here”, whispered Eliott and Lucas snuggled his face into Eliott’s neck.

“ _You_ ’re here”, answered Lucas and pulled away just a tiny bit to look at Eliott. To see if he was really real after all.

“I thought… I thought I lost you forever.”

“I thought that too…”

Eliott suddenly remembered the dream he had. No – the flashback he had. Of Lucas dying. And maybe this was the point where his body decided, where _Eliott_ decided that he could never ever make Lucas feel all the things he went through while losing Lucas.

“But you’re here now…”

“And I will never go away”, whispered Eliott and pulled Lucas into a tight hug again. They sat like this for minutes, just breathing in the other one while trying to understand everything that happened. Eliott survived and Lucas survived too. Both of them would be happy now, no one could stop them.

And they would grow old and grey together.

“Lucas?”

“Hm?”

“Would you still find me attractive with grey hair?”

Lucas lifted his head and looked at Eliott with big eyes. And Eliott could nearly see how realization hit him, how he understood what Eliott was saying. How he understood that Eliott wasn’t immortal anymore. And Lucas didn’t care where he got that information from and how he knew that. He just felt that it was right and that it was good and that everything would be okay from now on.

“You will be the hottest grandpa in town”, answered Lucas with tears in his eyes and Eliott couldn’t help himself and drowned Lucas into a million kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you sobbing? because I am


	20. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.
> 
> But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.
> 
> Something. Or someone.

**_Some months later_ **

“Are your eyes closed?”

“They also have been closed the first time you asked.”

Eliott laughed at that and still held his hands over Lucas’ eyes. He had a surprise for the younger boy and he wanted it to be the best one his fiancé ever received.

Yes, Eliott proposed to Lucas.

And Lucas said yes.

Their wedding would be the best event in Eliott’s now mortal life and he couldn’t wait to spend his now limited days with Lucas. As he told Idriss that he wasn’t immortal anymore, Idriss only smiled and said that he knew. He knew it from the way Eliott beamed with light and looked even more alive than ever. And Idriss was happy for him.

After all of these events, their love has only grown stronger and stronger. Eliott healed slowly this time, now mortal, and it took him all of his strength not to freak out every other day from the limited moving ability he had and the slow healing process. But all of this was worth it because he could spend time with his Lucas.

They decided to move together very soon, not wanting to spend a day apart from each other anymore. They weren’t able to sleep alone again so it was clear that there had to be a shared flat. It was a beautiful apartment in the heart of Paris and although they could only afford it because Lucas’ parents insisted to help them money wise, they would pay every cent back to them, Lucas and Eliott agreed on that.

 “Can I finally open my eyes?”, asked Lucas impatient and Eliott only chuckled at that, guiding Lucas through their little apartment. Eliott decorated most of the apartment himself and Lucas just let him do it, knowing that Eliott had some sense when it came to art and designing. Their living room was covered with paintings from Eliott and with pictures from them and their friends.

The man who tried to shoot Lucas twice now was charged and in prison for 12 years. He wanted to kill Lucas to hurt his father’s reputation as politician and to bring his party to a breakdown. Lucas didn’t want to go to the trial because he couldn’t face this man without thinking about murder. And it was good that way. Eliott didn’t want to see him again either.

Their life was great.

It was perfect.

Lucas’ family became also a family for Eliott and they would forever be grateful that Eliott saved their son’s life. And that Eliott was alive too.

“Okay, we’re here.”

“We’re at home, Eliott. I know that we didn’t leave the flat.”

“Could you at least pretend to be excited?”

“I AM excited, okay? I just don’t like it to… not see anything.”

Eliott grinned and started to kiss down Lucas’ neck while still having his hands on Lucas’ eyes. He could feel the other boy relaxing against Eliott’s chest and Eliott was so glad that he still had this effect on him after all these months.

“Okay… Are you ready?”

Eliott looked over Lucas’ shoulder to the little something that was waiting in the middle of the living room and he couldn’t wait to see the face of his soon to be husband.

“3… 2… 1…”

Eliott lifted his hands from Lucas’ eyes and stepped around him so he was facing Lucas to watch his reaction.

“Okay, open your eyes.”

Lucas opened them and his eyes needed a moment to adjust themselves. He looked around and as his eyes finally fell on the little creature in their living room, he squeaked in excitement while running over and falling down on his knees.

“Eliott! You didn’t!”

“Oh… but I did.”

Eliott grinned and walked over to the two of them, Lucas now holding a little puppy in his arms who had a bow attached to his collar. Eliott knew how much Lucas wanted to have a puppy and he couldn’t stop to spoil him and make him happy, his laugh and smile being like a drug for Eliott.

“Is she ours now? Our little puppy?”

“Yes, she is”, answered Eliott and kneeled down next to Lucas and their little puppy. She was now licking Lucas’ face which made the smaller boy laugh and Eliott’s heart filled with warmth and happiness. This was his little family now.

“Can we call her Queenie?”

“Queenie?”, asked Eliott while raising his eyebrows and Lucas only laughed.

“Yes, Queenie – because she will be treated like a queen here.”

Eliott laughed and laid his head on Lucas’ shoulder, smiling at his fiancé and their little dog. She was a fluffy thing with brownish fur and as she nudged Eliott, he knew that they would have a great time with their little dog.

“You told me that you wanted to adopt thousands of dogs”, said Eliott quietly now and Lucas took his eyes off Queenie for a moment, both of them thinking back to the day where Eliott nearly died.

“This is the first one of them. 999 to come.”

Eliott smiled.

And Lucas smiled too.

Lucas leaned down towards Eliott and kissed his lips slowly, taking his time to make Eliott’s heart race.

“I cannot wait.”

And Lucas didn’t mean the 999 dogs, Eliott was sure about that. He meant the life they would have. The adventures they would experience, the time together and the heated arguments which belonged to every good relationship.

And Eliott smiled, laying an arm around Lucas while watching Queenie play in front of them.

“I cannot wait either”, whispered Eliott and smiled happily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is it guys. the last chapter. i'm so happy that you all were part of this journey, for making my days with your comments and so and so forth - i hope you will join me on me new fanfic which will be published veeery soon! so: thank you from the bottom of my heart.

**Author's Note:**

> sooooooo hello this is my second fanfic and it will include many POV's from Eliott, it will include Lucas the biker and fluff and *insert p chris voice here* DRAMAAAAAAAAA


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